𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐌𝐄, finnick odair

𝟬𝟮𝟭. shaking

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021. shaking
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TW: PTSD, PTSD FLASHBACKS, AND BREIF MENTIONS OF RAPE AND FORCED PROSTITUTION

lyra walked numbly back to her cell. her skin itched. it burnt. they didn't let her shower. "please" she whispered, her feet dragging as she followed the two guards who stood on either side of the hall. she didn't notice as the walls morphed from a dark red to a harsh white, nor did she realise the temperature drop as she entered the area surrounding the cells.

she didn't get a reply. she didn't get a reaction at all actually. lyra stayed quiet until she suddenly became aware of hands grasping hers. the blonde blinked harshly a few times before looking down at her hands. she was sat on the floor, as close to the gap in the walls as possible. johanna was holding onto her as tightly as she could and she could see her mouth moving but felt like she couldn't process what she was actually saying.

that was until some words got through to her "lyra..." the dark haired woman sounded hesitant to say anything to her. "what happened, ly? you were gone for ages"

"i don't know" she answered monotonously.

"what do you mean?"

"i want a shower, johanna" lyra changed the subject, not being able to focus on much else. she just wanted a shower, that was all. why wasn't anyone letting her shower?

"you want-" johanna stopped herself from getting annoyed with lyra knowing it wasn't her fault. she knew the lack of food and drink was getting to her. neither her nor lyra had eaten or drunk anything for days and even before then, it wasn't like the games offered full meals "i don't have a shower here for you" she replied with a softer tone of voice.

"i want- i don't feel well"

"you're shaking" johanna stretched her hand through the bars to stroke her hair.

"what?" lyras voice cracked as she gained a sense of familiarity at the words.

"you're-"

"-shaking" finnick said "you're shaking" he repeated while he wrapped his hands around hers while he crouched down in front of her. lyra was sat on her bed, wide eyed and dress disheveled.

"i- i didn't want to, finnick" she shook her head frantically, grasping at his hands as tight as she could.

"i know, ly" he nodded reassuringly.

"im so sorry, im sorry" lyra cried, moving finnick his hands to wipe away any tears that fell down her flushed cheeks.

"don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry about"

"i love you, i promise i do!"

"i know you do, i know"

"i thought it was a party" she whispered, more to herself than to finnick "it's always a party"

"it wasn't a party, johanna" she told the woman. she didn't want anything to happen to her and she especially didn't want her to think that she was going to a party. it was worse when she wasn't expecting it. "don't think it's a party because it's not, it isn't anymore" she shook her head decidedly, trying to get her point across by shuffling closer to the wall. she grasped johanna's hands again, rubbing her thumb across them while reiterating her point "it isn't!"

"okay, it's not a party" the dark haired girl replied, confused. she was painfully aware that lyra didn't go to a party.

"no..." she sighed, frustrated that she wasn't grasping the severity of the situation "promise me you'll remember that?"

"i will!"

"good" she frantically nodded to herself "that's good, really... really good" lyra's voice cracked, as did her slightly stable facade. tears begins streaming down her cheeks as her breathing quickened.

"oh no, please don't cry, lyra" johanna tried to get her to quieten down, hating seeing her cry.

"i'm sorry"

"don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry about"

"that's what finnick said" lyra said in reply without much thought. she failed to notice johanna's shocked yet hopeful expression.

"what?"

"finnick said that" she repeated, looking up to see johanna's face. and for the first time in her life (that she remembered) lyra saw johanna smile a real smile.

"you remember something finnick said?"

"i thought it was a party then as well"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

johanna had discovered a bright side to lyra's forgetfulness. as much as she wished lyra remembered her and finnick, she was glad she forgot the last few days. "where am i, johanna?" the blonde asked softly, a frown present on her face.

"you know me?"

"you're the nice woman from..." she stuttered over her words, trying to place where she knew her from "i can't remember but i know you and... finnick?" she tried, slightly happier when johanna gave a reassuring nod "i can't- i can't picture him but... i know someone called finnick"

"you don't..." johanna was careful not to say anything that would upset her "you don't look scared"

"i think- no, i know you'll look after me" lyra smiled "i can hear it"

johanna had never been so glad to see her smile. lyra had always been the one to cheer her up, day or night. but she hadn't seen a proper smile from the blonde in a good while "hear it where?"

"someone's saying- saying 'johanna'll make sure you're okay, ly'" she repeated what the man in her memory had said "i can hear it"

"that's probably finnick"

"really?" lyra sounded hopeful at the possibility that she was remembering him.

"sounds like him"

"i miss him...is that strange?" she asked the dark haired girl "i don't know him but i miss him"

"that's okay, you'll remember soon. i'm sure"

"do you think he'll be upset that i don't remember?"

"i think he was dreading it" she admitted, thinking back to her and finnicks many conversations about lyra "but he knew one day you'd forget him. i think he thought there'd be more time and he'd be there for you when it happened, but he could never be upset with you"

"what about just upset? not with me but... just upset"

"yeah" she whispered "he'll be upset"

it wasn't until the next morning that the cell door opened again and the cycle repeated.

————— authors note 💭

hey loves! this is a double update and this is part 1 out of 2 <333
thank you for reading and i'm sorry this isn't very good, i've got a bit of writers block atm 😭
love you, remember to eat and drink, byeeee 🎀