Mist | Scaramouche x Reader

|angst| (sorry for leaving without explaining)

Honestly, I needed you a lot back then. You were the first one to treat me like if I was a normal human being. Why did you have to leave me all of a sudden? I didn't know anything, how to read, write. You changed me, but how come you left me..? I didn't think I did anything bad, I thought I could have lived forever with you. With nothing to worry about, no anxiety, stress, or anything. Cant we go back to the old days? Why must you make me feel this way, even after I try to make you happy. Over.and over.again.
Maybe, I am the problem, maybe the guards were right to begin with. I can never feel love, I don't even know my own name. Except, for the name that you gave me.
'Scaramouche'
You said it fit me well, and that it was a pretty name for me. So why? Why did you leave me here, in this cruel world? Cant we go to our universe, where it's just the two of us. I never wanted to leave you, but you left me instead. Did you feel any regrets, sadness, grief or guilt at all..?
Did you really leave on your own will? All my sacrifices were for nothing? Maybe, this is all a game..? Yes, that should be it. You wouldn't leave me alone on purpose, you wouldn't.. I know you wouldn't, please come back for me. I don't want to spend another night without you. Please..

I can't keep going without you, but can you keep going without me..?
O:)

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Maybe, I'll be able to come back for you, Scaramouche. I just hope they don't catch me, I promised you, that I would come back for you.
What if he doesn't care that I left him? Maybe that's what he wanted this whole time, and that's why he isn't trying to find me. It's not like the security guards would let him out. What if he didn't even try to chase after me? I left the door from his cage open. So why? Why isn't he here with me, in my arms? Does he really not love me? Am I not worthy enough for him? Maybe he just got tired of me, trying to teach him the basic knowledge like reading and writing. Was me teaching him not enough? What if, he doesn't even know that I left temporarily, and that's why he isn't looking or trying to chase after me? Was I not enough for him?

I cant like without you, even if that means I have to die. I promise, I'll come back for you.
O:)

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It's been months, why aren't you back yet? I thought you made a promise with me, I even made a deal with the higher ups. So, why aren't you here, why am I not in your arms? Did you really abandon me, to die in this slave laboratory? Why couldn't I of had gone with you, you could have taken me there. By your side, together. Why did you insist on going alone? Just why..

O
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I'm sorry, I failed to go back to you Scaramouche. You must hate me right now, who wouldn't? Being left alone for months, after finally recovering from the trauma. Even if it was the tiniest progress. I will try my best, to get my memories back, fight back, I won't stop trying. Not even if that means I'll have to leave this cruel world. Even so, if I die. As long as it means you'll be safe.

:
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I'm sorry, you must be very disappointed in me right now. Why did I think becoming a murder, was the best category? It's not like you'll see me right now, still. I need to kill the whole laboratory. Even if it means, that I won't have a chance to see you. If you happen to find me, I'll gladly stay with you. I've missed you, for so fucking long. I can't stop eating or peeling onions. I just can't let go of those memories. I know it's unhealthy, but at least let me have that.

)
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I tried. I'm sorry. I know you've been through worse, I can't believe I'm crying because of this. You had to endure multiple hits, to the point that your whole room looked like if somebody painted the walls with blood. I hope your alive, most importantly, I hope your happy. You deserve to be happy. Even if it means, that you won't be with me. I don't care, all I want to see is, for you to be happy. I don't want you to be worried, or traumatized by the slightest things. I know you won't, you are stronger than that. You're not like me, I'm more weak, unlike you. You've endured so much..I can't even imagine the pain, the suffering you had to experience. I hope you are doing better, unlike me. Who's trying to make myself think that Im able to escape. They're about to inject it into my body. I don't know if you can hear this, but I will forever love you. Even if that means that I'll have to forget you. I know we will meet each other in another life. Maybe, you'll find me again, and we won't have to be reincarnated. I really hope that happens, I need you in my life. More than you need me in yours.

O:)
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I finally found you, after 8 years, I finally found you. Please don't ever leave me again, I can't go through that pain anymore. I hope you recover from the memory loss, but I know you won't. Everything they do there, they make sure that the results are flawless. Of course, nothing is ever flawless. It's like you, you're not perfect. You obviously have your flaws and weaknesses, but that's what makes you perfect. I know you can't hear me, since you don't recognize me. I wish that you can hear my thoughts, so that you could know what I had to go through, what I had to do without you. You were the reason I kept going to the pain, the reason I didn't kill myself. The reason I obeyed every order they gave me. Even if that meant that I had to be their killing machine, like a dog obeying the owner. Flawlessly doing every order. They don't care at all. They didn't fucking care, they didn't care if I lost my mind, if I tried to die. They kept using me for their own selfish benefit. All because they didn't want to get their hands dirty, all for nothing. They ended up shutting down, they tried to dispose me. I killed the one in charge. I killed 10 more, more guards. With each second, the more blood I had on my hands. The more I could smell the blood, the more I could see the red liquid. It doesn't now though, because I'm here with you. You don't have to remember anything from the past, I will. So don't worry about anything, even if that means you'll have to see my scars in my body. I hope you don't leave me because of that, I know you wouldn't. Because you're better than them. Even if you leave me, because of the scars, I'll continue to love you. No matter what.

O:)
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|Authors note|
I felt bad for going on Haitus randomly, so I decided to give you guys one final chapter. I think this one is the best one yet haha. It probably isn't. I'll end up hating it in the future ;)
|ALSO IF YOU READ THE STORY, YOU'LL GET THE REFERENCE I LOVE THAT STORY SO MUCH THEY'RE SO CUTE|
Words: 1297