poems

theres this boy

hey.

how are you?

you know i still love you, right?

i can't go a day without thinking of you.

you're the first thought in the morning, and the last thought at night.

...

i dream of you.

we're together in that dream.

we smile and laugh and hold onto each other like magnets to a fridge.

can't you believe that we used to be that way?

in each others lives together.

pulled to each other like magnets to a fridge.

we never let go of each other.

i never let go of you.

...

i miss you.

...

a lot.

...

do you ever think of me?

do you ever think of the times we had together?

when we first fell in love?

when we first broke each others and our own hearts?

when we came back to each other after six months?

when we forgave each other?

when we fell in love again?

when it was just me and you?

when we stayed up til three in the morning on facetime so we can be the last person we speak to before bed?

because i think of you.

i think of how badly you treated me when we first met each other.

i think of how i still loved you through it all, no matter how i was treated.

i think of how many days i spent thinking about you over those six months.

i think about how during three of those six months i watched you fall in love with my best friend.

i think about how even tho you were dating her i still loved you.

i think about how after you and her broke up, and after i saw how wrongly you both treated each other, i still loved you.

i think about our conversations we had about how you treated me when we first met, and how we forgave each other.

i think about how that made me love you even more.

i think about how i watched you fall back in love with me.

i think about how we spent everyday smiling and talking to each other.

i think about all of the facetime calls we stayed up all night to have.

i think about when it was just me and you.

...

but then i have to remember the other parts.

i remember when you started thinking about your ex again.

i remember you telling me about how every girl wanted you for sex.

i remember you telling me i was wrong for getting jealous and mad for you hugging two girls.

i remember you telling me one of them was your cousin, and while thats correct, i also remember you telling me that the other girl was just a friend.

so why were you hugging her body and not mine?

i remember when you told me about your girl best friend and how much you missed her and wish you could spend more time with her.

so why wasn't my presence enough to fill that void?

i remember you telling me that if your first love came back to you, you would've dropped me in mud for her without hesitation.

but you're my first love.

why couldn't it have been me you dropped everyone for?

why couldn't it have been me you thought of?

why couldn't it have been me you wanted to miss and spend more time with?

...

why couldn't it have been me.

...

why was it you?

...

i can love so many other great men, but no.

i can miss so many other great men, but no.

i love you.

i miss you.

i choose you.

...

i wish we never met.

...

you were a boy.

and i was your toy.