Love and Heartbreak: A Collection of Poems

When you love a boy that doesnt know how to love.

I don't know exactly where to begin
because I have so much in my head yet nothing at the same time.
I guess I should start with night I found out you found someone new.
I didn't feel hurt.
I felt angry instead.
I felt angry at you for
leading me on
lying to me
promising me the world but leaving me with nothing
and angry at myself for being stupid enough to let you in
for believing your promises and lies.

That night I was happy I didn't feel pain but oh how the anger coursed through my veins and leaked out of my pen and into my journal.
What once possessed blissful thoughts of you is now full of ones of negativity.

That night I also decided that I wasn't gonna let the thought of you control me anymore.
I won't let you ruin me any further.
but I will admit that you've stained me.
You've stained my mind and my heart and we both stained the sidewalks I walk on daily
and the outsides of the little library in town too, because that's where I first looked into your eyes and realized that I loved you.
The ghost of who I was and who I thought you were are still there sometimes
and they're on my bed at 7pm replaying our few moments

I've gone through so many restless nights because who I thought you were is still there
lying next to me with his arms around me
and his hands still run up thighs
and coarse through my hair
his breath lingers on my neck
and his lips are still on mine
hes hungry for me and passionate
he's longing
and I'm intoxicated by every kiss
he takes me
all of me

You left but your fingerprints didn't
they're stains I'm trying to remove
but you were a first
and that's why you're so etched into my memory

Truth is that I still sit in that gazebo where we had our first kiss
I still lay in my bed and imagine it all over again
I still walk those same streets and day dream of what I thought we were
and I can't help but wonder
do you kiss her like that too?
do you also take her out at night and run through the streets hand in hand?
do you also haunt her dreams at night?
a part of me is still so helplessly in love with you

but the other part is burning with anger
you hurt me and you used me
and you knew exactly what you were doing the whole time
i wonder if I was there clueless next to you while you were planning your next move
your next sweet nothing to whisper into my ear

so whoever you're with right now can enjoy you
because now
you're nothing more than a stain to me
you taught me to not fall in love fast and that even the most perfect of people can be so truly rotten inside
so thank you
for all the lovely memories
they mean nothing now.