Last Fall Of Blossom

Chapter 2

The only thing that is constant in this world is CHANGE...

Sometimes you are scared to make a wrong decision but in the end you are the only one who pushes to make it all along.

I regret it..

I regret on opening my shits in front of my classmate as this makes a huge difference to my life starting that day I fear the most.

I walk through the hallway pa puntang cafeteria for me to buy water, then suddenly I met Vince eyes but I look away. I feel the tightening of my throat as I remember the begining of our friendship till the time na nalumotan ang aming pagkakaibigan.

Vince is my seatmate, it all started because we are both fond of sketching. First day of school pa lang nanghiram na ako ng pencil for sketching as I sketch at the back of my yellow pad paper. But since that day na he was starting to distance his self to me it started to change.

I avoid interacting with him because I was hurt by his piercing words against me. All I thought was that he will defend me against the mockery of others but he also gives contribution to make it happen. I thought he will lend his shoulder when life becomes gray but he's also the reason why I shed my tears.

It hurts..

It hurts me a lot every time I met those judgemental eyes that they are giving to me as if I'll be able to make them vomit, just because they feel disgusted. One time they all form a circle just so they could say what they want me to do. They say that I'm too over confident and useless which cuts through my heart that affects my system.

Starting that day I change myself just so I could fit in, but I never thought that I will lose myself just because I did my best to be someone who suits their standard.

Everything change...

Simula nong araw na nawalan ako ng malay. Yes I blacked out dinala ako sa ospital because I was over stressed. One week akong nandoon and on that certain day pumunta yung mga magulang ko.

"Anak"

"Nay! Tay! miss ko na kayo" sagot ko habang tumutulo yung luha ko.

"Nak uwi ka na, doon ka nalang sa atin please!!!" pakiusap ni Nanay sa akin.

When I was discharged the doctor advice us to visit a psychiatrist.

Kinabukasan non tumulak kami.

I was scared kasi I never thought na aabot sa puntong bibisita ako sa psychiatrist. I feared the idea of being label as someone na may problema sa pag iisip. I am not crazy I was just depressed and it's hard. Luckily the doctor only prescribed me meds for anti depressant and for my insomnia due to stress. The consultation is not bad at all, since the doctor is very nice and soft spoken, he ask me about my feelings and other things that causes my disappointments, he even ask me the progress about school.

Nang nakabili na ako ng tubig, bumalik agad ako sa classroom upang ligpitin ang mga bagay ko at nilagay sa bag. When I sit at the chair, all the "what ifs" haunted me. What if hindi na lang ako pumunta dito?. What if don na lang ako nag aral at hindi na nagka ideya na mag aral dito?. Kasi kung hindi ko sana pinilit ang sarili kong mag aral dito, hindi ako aabot sa ganito, I will never experience this things that hurt my being.

Huminga ako ng maluwag, fighting the urge to burst on tears. Kasi ayaw ko nag umiyak, nakakasawa, masakit sa damdamin.

Tumayo ako't lumabas, looking at the view one last time. Complimenting the beauty surrounded in this school, yung ihip ng hangin na nagbibigay ginhawa sa nararamdam ko. This scenery used to be my rest but, the once brightest hue of colors becomes dark and gray. The masterpiece of nature becomes blunt and meaningless. I will truly miss the first impression I feel the first time I step my foot in this path, the positivity and beauty that this school imprinted in my brain slowly disappeared. Now it feels different, I feel the change.

This day I'll bid my goodbye in this building, sa lugar na dati'y bago pa sa akin.

Hindi na ako nagpaalam sa mga classmates ko even Vince, kasi alam kong wala silang paki. Kasi bukas, labag man sa kalooban ko...

Uuwi ako..

At hindi na muling babalik pa..

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^♡