True Blue 🎸 yungi [▶]

20

[Mingi]

I just realized it.

This man's hands are unique. Long, with a manly soap scent but still with a bit of rough texture. Different from Seonghwa hyung's. But I like it. I think I've been paying attention to this man's hands for a long time. Every time he peels fruit for me or for one of the Utopia members.

First, he would sit cross-legged, then lift his right foot to support his busy right hand peeling an apple.

I've been watching this man for a long time.

It's just that, I don't know. There's something new I've realized.

"Is it okay that we're like this, Mingi?" Yunho speaks into my neck. His face has been buried in my back since I started the motorcycle.

"Like what?!" I raise my voice slightly, fighting against the roaring street wind.

"Aren't we hugging too tightly for two guys on a motorcycle?!" He also raises his voice. I laugh. Is he still thinking about things like this? And who was the one kissing me on the streets of Seoul earlier?

"Are you embarrassed? Then just let go of the hug!" I shout after my laughter subsides. I can feel a surprised breath on my neck. My answer must not be what he expected. "I'm not forcing you to hug me. I'm a skilled motorcyclist, so if you want to stretch out your arms, go ahead!" I no longer feel the surprised breath. Nor do I hear an answer from this unique man's lips.

Instead, I feel his head shaking on my back, and his hug tightens around me. I release my left hand from the handlebars and gently massage the back of his plain palm. His glove now wraps around my hand.

"Mingi...?!" Even though he’s shouting against the noisy wind, his tone still comes out doubtful.

"What?!" I glance at the speedometer as a response. A hundred kilometers per hour in the city? I should just be a racer. I mean, maybe that would make everything easier. Utopia without Mingi, and then I wouldn't have to fall in love with Seonghwa hyung. And maybe I wouldn't have to care so much about this man.

Sometimes, thinking about it, I often feel conflicted about my feelings for Seonghwa hyung. I mean, Yunho catches my attention without me realizing it. Sometimes he worries me more than the other members.

At that time, I thought, well, maybe it's just because he seems like an older brother to me.

But I think, maybe it's time to repent? So let me realize tonight. That maybe my feelings for Yunho are not just affection for an older brother.

I don’t know. Maybe.

At least tonight, I will face my feelings for this man bravely. No more running away. Or making excuses. I am not betraying anyone anymore.

Seonghwa hyung already told me earlier, before I left.

"Thank you for the pleasant time you gave me. Love, affection, even loyalty I didn't ask for. I know you don't expect this to last. Maybe you also know what I'm going to say." I remember he sighed. "I love Hongjoong. Yes, I am jealous of his closeness with Jongho. But that doesn't mean I can leave him. It also doesn't mean I can easily replace him with you."

I just nodded at that time and turned around while carrying my things.

When I was about to close the dorm door, he called my name. One more time.

"And I'm not sure if you know? Yunho is expecting you. Just like you are expecting me."

I looked at him, asking what he hoped about me and Yunho through my eyes.