The Red Queen || Devil's night || Damon Torrance

|19|

Karolina

Now

I looked in the mirror for the last time before leaving the bathroom. I need to make sure no one would guess what I was doing here.

I had been lying for the past two weeks. Probably because it's the only thing I do well.

In high school, I promised the boys and Emmy that I would start eating normally. Of course everything was going 'well' so they didn't worry. But to be true, I never really got over it. From the age of 14 to 19, I starved myself, lost my period and behaved like a drug addict. I ate one meal a day just so that others wouldn't pick on me. Over time I got used to it. I started looking forward to the days when I could fully devote myself to various other things and forget about eating.

I started isolating myself more from people. I went running and training at the theater more and more often. Over time, it was the only thing that gave me pleasure.

I tried several times to return to normal eating, but each time nothing came of it. I left Thunder Bay, I want to change my life. I cut myself off from everyone for good. I came back after a year, only thanks to Winter's encouragement. Then everything went to shit again. I was ridiculed. I left again. I was filled with regret and had no will to live. I limited my food again, trying to improve my mood.

Until one day a guy appears in my life... I fell in love... um... so I thought. To be honest, I didn't love him, but I loved the attention he gave me. The real feelings came later.

At first, he seemed to love me very much. He gave me a reason to believe that one day I would be able to recover.

After our wedding, I thought about having children many times. However, I couldn't have them because I still hadn't had my period. In my case it was: no menstruation = no ovulation, i.e. inability to conceive.

Unable to come to terms with this thought, I started eating. I went to a clinic where I was given nutrients through a drip once a week. The doctors at this institution assured me that if I stay there for a month and take these medications every day, I will be able to have my periods again within 2 months.

I agreed to it and, as the doctors said, after two months I gained a little weight and my body started functioning normally.

Despite all the efforts, nothing came of this relationship. After a few months of our marriage, Dimitri began to distance himself from me. That's when I started to love him the most. After a few more months, to save our relationship, I gently asked him about having a baby.

He dismissed me for a week, and when I forced him to tell me, he said he never wanted to have them with me.

Angry at him, and even more at myself for allowing him to treat me this way, I went to a lawyer and signed the divorce papers. I moved out of Shustrov's apartment and moved in with Dave.

I stopped eating again. You could say it's my cure for everything.

Later, due to some complications and finding out about Dimitri cheating on me when we were still together, I had a serious accident. While leaving the taxi, another car hit me.

I woke up for a while after the surgery, but then I fell into a coma. For 10 months. Then, for 6 months after waking up, I tried to come back to life. That means learning to walk... again.

I was mentally exhausted. I couldn't do anything on my own. Then my body rebelled and I couldn't even eat a morsel of food.

I didn't eat again... doctors noticed it again... and I had a drip again.