It's been months since we last kissed and I've been trying to figure out why love sounds more like an apology than a confession when it comes out of my mouth. I came to the conclusion it's because I have been emotionally unavailable since I learned that no matter how much you love someone it will not make them miss you. I find myself surrounded by those who have left more than those who have stayed so often they start to blur together. You once said that loving me is like constantly struggling to come up for air without ever being underwater, but you didn't notice I was suffocating under the absence of everyone who had promised to stay. Someone told me "leave before they love you, or you'll stay until they don't anymore." You were writing my name in cement and I was carving yours into trees marked to be cut down, saying "this is what happens when someone ruins you before you ruin them." I've fallen in love with you more than I can count, and I'm not sure if that means I've fallen out just as many. I kept showing you the way out because I wanted to see if you would leave or find a way to lock the doors. I was too busy tearing them off their hinges to notice you were desperately trying to bolt them shut. I guess it's only fitting, I'm left asking the windowpanes where you went. I think of the things I want to say to you like "it's for the best" or "maybe it was never that good anyway". But when I get a chance to say anything all that comes out is that I miss you. They say you're only as good as the company you keep, that's why I haven't been doing well since you left me.
