Southern Star

Chapter Two: How You Try to Hide in Darkness

Zuko was standing alone, his posture straight and even more rigid than he'd originally thought was possible. He was so palm-sweatingly anxious that he wasn't paying attention to what Lo and Li were talking about as they addressed the enormous Fire Nation crowd below. He rubbed his hands together, which did not help. "Now your heroes have returned home!" they were saying. Zuko wished that Mai was there. Her indifference, at least, was comforting. "Your princess, Azula!"

He watched as his 14-year-old-sister strode forward without looking at him. Instead, she looked out over the balcony, at the crowd screaming in reverence for her. Some of his anxiety ebbed into envy. How could he ever compare to her? He may once again be the Crown Prince, but Azula meant more to the Fire Nation—and to their father—than he ever had.

"And after three long years," the old women continued, "your prince has returned!"

Zuko started walking on instinct, suddenly dizzy with nerves. He kept his head down and his eyes averted; he was not as obsessed with power as his sister was. He had barely slept the night before, plagued by more nightmares, and his head prickled and felt almost numb with the way his hair had been pulled back into its top-knot. If nothing else, he was beginning to understand why she had kept her hair so short.

He could imagine so easily the way her short hair was tousled by the wind.

Zuko pushed her out of his head for the millionth time. As it had for the past three weeks, the thought of her made that tight knot in his stomach return full-force, absorbing all of his energy like a black hole.

When Lo and Li cried his name out over the crowd, Zuko started, returning to his present reality. The crowd was so large that it seemed that every citizen of the Fire Nation had come just to see him, though he knew that realistically it was more likely just composed of the Capital's inhabitants, along with maybe some of the surrounding towns and villages. Regardless, the cheering was far more than he expected. It was also far more than he deserved.

He let his head lift as his eyes searched the crowd, but his expression remained grim.

As he walked through the corridors of the palace towards the Fire Lord's throne room, Zuko felt like a kid again, even past his frustration. For a country so obsessed with flames, the halls were very cold, and a chill settled into his bones despite the layers he had on. He had talked to his sister earlier, after he had fed the turtle-ducks and she had scared them away. Azula didn't seem to care at all that Zuko hadn't been able to speak to their father since they'd gotten back. Actually, he hadn't seen her so relaxed since well before he'd been banished. It was irritating, and simultaneously left him off-kilter.

It didn't matter. If she didn't care, he knew that he probably shouldn't, either.

"I like your scar. I know you don't like it, but I wouldn't recognize you without it."

He pushed her out of his head yet again.

That ache, alongside a newfound sense of dread, materialized again as he rounded a corner and stopped in front of the red curtains covering the door to the throne room. The curtains had the black flame sigil of the Fire Nation on it, and it was so familiar to him, but it was so far from comforting. The chill just seemed to get worse. Appearing before his father seemed so much harder than appearing before the crowds he'd seen hours before.

Zuko inhaled deeply, letting the smell of iron, fabric, and dust anchor him, and then he pushed through the curtains. The change in temperature was immediately noticeable. Though the chill in his bones did not dissipate, the fire lining the space in front of the throne made him feel as though he was slowly being baked. His eyes watered, and he knew, then. As he stared over the flames at the shadows that were his father's face, he knew that he had made a grievous mistake. And yet, despite every instinct within him telling him not to, he strode forward, and then he bowed to the Fire Lord. The heat of the flames became even more intense, which Zuko knew was by design.