Dahlia

Teen Dad

      Never would I EVER promote being a teen parent. I don't recommend it in the slightest. I'm just lucky I had the people to support me throughout it. I had my dad, Brooke, her grandma, my sister, Jareds parents, and obviously, I had Jared.

It was really, really hard. I worked two jobs. On the weekends, I worked at Huckleberry's. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I worked at Zumiez. And I always took on extra shifts if offered. After school, I'd have to go straight to work. Jared would stay with Elle at my house until I got back. I bought everything for Elle. My dad would get her some stuff as gifts, but I did pitch in with groceries. My dad would tell me no, but I still did. He didn't ask for a child to live there. I remember bringing Elle home for the first time and I made the mistake of inviting people over. I mean, Mika and Jared were already there, but Oliver and Jojo weren't. It just stressed me and Brooke out more. My dad gave up his room that night so Brooke could stay in there, and then Jared and I went out into the living room and just slept out there. I went into my dads room multiple times as the baby woke up and Brooke and I just kinda panicked the whole time, sometimes Elle was hungry, sometimes she was just wanting cuddles, sometimes she just needed help to go back to sleep. And she needed a diaper change.

Brooke stayed at my house for 2 weeks after Elle was born. She slept in my room after that day and we just cared for Elle together. Once she hit 2 months old, that's when we began to stay at our separate houses. But we would still be together all the time. I still went over there to help her with Elle.

I remember how sad we got when she didn't do that newborn scrunch anymore. I miss how tiny she was. I miss being able to hold her and kiss her everywhere. I miss feeding her and teaching her how to walk. I miss her little hugs and her little voice. But I'm so proud to see the person she grew up to be. I still get those hugs, and she is still so tiny in my eyes. She's still my little girl.

Junji was a easy kid. He wouldn't cry as much, but he did want to be held. All. The. Time. Jared bonded with him may more than I did. He used to cry when I held him every time I'd come back from a tour, but the second I put him back into Jared arms, he stopped. It broke my heart and I can tell it would hurt Jared too. He would always have to face Jun over to me and say "that's your daddy." And stuff.

"Awe, come here." I said to Jun as Jared handed him to me when I came back home. Junji instantly began to cry.

"I-oh what?" I said as I just kept holding him, rubbing his back.

"Here." I quickly said handing him back to Jared.

"Oh shush, Junji." Jared said as he began to bounce Jun as he cried.

"W-what happened?" I asked.

"He's probably just uh...not used to you being here. He'll stop though, don't worry." Jared told me.

"Here, come sit with me." He told me as he walked over to the couch to sit down. I followed and we sat together. He cradled Jun in his arms so Jun was facing me.

"Here we go. That's your daddy!" Jared told Jun. Jun just looked at me with a pouty face. I laughed a bit.

"He's too cute. Look at the way he's glaring at me." I said. Jared just smiled and leaned in to kiss me. It took A WEEK for Junji to love me again. Then he just cuddled and loved on me. He would stretch out his arms for me when Jared was holding him, and he would smile and laugh at me. It was so freaking cute. But one time that actually broke me was when Jun was 1 and a half. He could sort of talk by then. He knew yes and no, he could say daddy, he was able to mimic his favorite shows intro, and he could say kitty and cookie! And juice haha. His main phrase was always "oh cookie" or "oh kitty". It was so cute.

Anyways, when he was 1 and a half, I finally came home from tour after a whopping 6 months. He didn't even want to come near me. He would cry, and would run for "daddy", aka Jared. How did I ignore those signs? My own fucking kid didn't know who I was and I still fucking left and made my music more important than my family.