Drown Me In The Flames (Kellic)

The Fear of Falling Apart

Kellin's pov:

It's been two days since what happened, and I've been making up stupid excuses to stay home. I feel bad for pushing Vic away but..he seems to understand, on some level at least.

He promised me he wouldn't talk to Lee. What would happen if he did? Oh God, I don't want him to get hurt. I wish we could runaway together..but would he even do that? Does he even love me? Because I love him..with everything I've got.

He's just like James.
Shut up, I don't need to hear this.
He's just like him, he'll leave you to die one day soon and you'll try it again huh?
Shut up..he wouldn't..
You don't know that, he's only with you out of pity.

I cursed myself, putting a pillow over my head. But no matter how hard I try, I can't run from myself. The part of me that's bad is slowly consuming me. It was receding but, thoughts like these easily makes the darkness more powerful. You can't run away.

All it took was one thought, one sliver of consciousness to push me over the edge. Falling into a dangerous pit. Before I knew it, all I saw was red against white tile. Drip drop..

I was numb to the pain, I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Once I snapped out of the trance, I freaked. I thought I was better than this, I'll always be weak.

I ran to the sink, washing off the blood. I grabbed the gauze wrap from the medicine cabinet, with nimble fingers I started tightly wrapping it around my feeble wrist to stop the bleeding. I walked to my room an pulled on a loose hoodie before quietly sneaking out of the house.

---

I was currently standing in the frigid air outside of Vic's house, my finger tips numb. I gazed upon the little white house, having second thoughts. What was I supposed to do, tell him I hurt myself and I need special care? God, I'd probably just be annoying him. I let out a sigh and turn around, going to walk away. I stop when I hear the faint sound of a door closing. 

I look back over my shoulder seeing Mike walking along the stepping stones from porch to the driveway. He spots me, calling out my name. I honestly wanted to run away and hide but he was already walking towards me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

I put on a brave face and gave my best answer, "I was just coming by to see if Vic was home."

"Oh well, he's not here right now.."

"Oh.." I don't know why that made me upset. Maybe it was the relapse, or maybe it was my doubt about the relationship..

"You okay? Did something happen?"

In that moment, everything I tried to hold back spilled out, my facade crumbling apart as tears well in my eyes. "Have you ever hated yourself so much, you can't even stand your own reflection?"

Mike looked at me in sympathy, unsure of how to comfort me. Before he could try, I started talking again. "I'm just so weak, and I'll always be. I thought I was better..I was getting better." I cried even harder, cover my face with my sleeved hands, wiping away the tears as quick as they came.

"I feel like I've hit rock bottom and no one can pull me up." Before I could say anything else, he pulls me into a comforting hug. It was different than other hugs I've gotten. Not like the ones Vic gives me, that make my chest warm and fuzzy. It just gave me a sense of comfort and security. I couldn't help but think of him as a brother.

My sobs shortly turned into to sniffles. Once I quieted down a bit he talked, "Try not to beat yourself up about it, it's not like it was your fault that it happened. And I have a feeling something else happened that you're not telling me about..whatever it is, try not to dwell on it too much. Bad thoughts aren't good for your health, you know." I pull away from the hug with a small laugh, feeling somewhat better.

"Right, I'll keep that in mind." I looked past him, over at the driveway seeing Vic's car pull in. I should probably go apologize to him for the past few days. "I'll talk to you later, Mike. Thanks for helping." I gave him a smile before I hesitantly walked over to the car.

He got out and gave me a heart melting smile, "Hey Kells, why are you here?"

"I..wanted to apologize.."

He gave me a confused look, "Why would you need to apologize?"

"Because I've been pushing you away.." he gave me an understanding yet sympathetic look.

"You don't have to apologize for that, after what happened I understood that you would probably need some space." He gave me a hug, making my whole body feel fuzzy, I smiled at the warmth, wrapping my arms around him. "Though, I was starting to get lonely." I smiled at his words, because the feeling was mutual.

"Me too.." I felt like in that moment the doubt I had before, vanished.

(A/N: oh shit, what's this? I updated? What, impossible! I know it's a short update. But I finally got the inspiration to write a little. Hopefully it will stay with me this time. I didn't check it for grammatical errors oops. I would really enjoy some feedback, and what you think is gonna happen next. Mwhaha. You'll find out soon enough.

Pls vote, comment, and share with your friends. If you don't have friends like me then share it with your ghost pals, they'll enjoy it.

Bye for now!)