𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐤 | 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐎𝐟 𝐔𝐬

25. Attempted Amputations.

T W E N T Y - F I V E
Attempted Amputations.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I curse.

Noise filters through the ringing in my brain and I turn to look at whatever created it. I can't pick up my gun unless it's for me, and my knife is sitting in the shallow water. If whatever it is wants to kill me, I am almost completely powerless to defend myself. Although I don't know if I have the mental fortitude to defend myself, my brain is scattered all over the place—fragmented so badly I can't think of what to do, I can barely remember to breathe, or how to breathe

My bleary eyes land on two horses, tall and creepy as ever. The sun hits the fresh, untouched snow, making my vision almost completely white out. It takes a second for my mind to put everything together and my eyes to focus—the noise, the voices, the people, the faces. It's Ellie who slips off her horse first and walks toward me in the bitter cold, the other person on the other horse is the man I tried to run away from, who was going to run away from me. It's not Tommy, the person who was meant to be coming with us, it's Joel.

I'm sure the scene is concerning. I'm the girl who hates the cold and is always cold no matter how many layers are wrapped around me. Despite all of that, my beanie is back where I killed the Infected—where I may have also inadvertently killed myself—, my jacket is thrown somewhere, and my thermal shirt thrown another place.

Ellie slips off the horse where Joel is frozen, his expression hard as he looks around where I stand, taking in the scene, trying to figure out what on Earth must've taken place for this to happen.

I take a step back from Ellie who stumbles down the embankment, towards me. I can't hurt her, even if she's immune I can't be someone who bites her. That can't be something I do, even if I'm not me anymore.

Concern grows from the people I've travelled the country with, I'm sure they expected a fight from me if they tried to drag me along, but this isn't the type of fight I think they bargained for. This is me being terrified. But I need to be calm, I need to be calm because this is a bed of my own making. I don't want to be scared, I want to be brave in the face of my demise. In this world you're not guaranteed another second, people are constantly trying to kill you, animals and Infected also want you to be dead for their own gain. Death, from the second life was created, is inevitable, that is the only thing you are promised in life—that you will die. Why should you be scared of the only thing promised to you? 

Maybe if Mandy didn't make me wait the night I wouldn't have been—probably—scratched.

I take that back, I don't want to die bitter.

Joel gets off the horse, rushing down the embankment and I take more steps away from them. One foot behind the other, stones and rocks almost making me fall on my ass. "Stay away, please," my voice cracks as I beg.

I can't hurt Joel, I can't kill Joel, not after everything he's done for me. He's far from perfect, but I'd be fifty shades of dead without him.

"Bobbie, what's wrong?" Joel asks, getting closer slowly, as if I'm not going to notice. He looks more scared than I feel, he's going find a way to blame himself, I know it. I know it, I know him. I should've thought everything through for more than a second, I shouldn't have been so impulsive that I ran at the first hurdle; that's what I accused him of doing. "Talk to me, let me help."

I drag my hands down my face. This makes the entire thing worse. If they never found me then they could let their imaginations run wild. Maybe I could be frolicking with a hot Irish guy, maybe I could've found the gates to Middle Earth or whatever bullshit Ryan raved about. They could've pretended I didn't die. They'd never know for certain.