teen skk (crack oneshots)

The Talk

The tension was thicc. Mori looked at the boys. The boys looked at Mori. No, they bore into him. The eye contact was focused, wide eyes fixed on Mori's and straining to stay there. Anything that kept them from looking at the laptop in front of them.

"So," Mori starts. He tries not to let his utter exhaustion show in his tone but it's hard. Ever since the initial report that spurred this interaction, Mori's mind has been in overdrive trying to keep himself from thinking too hard about the very detailed details provided to him, while simultaneously trying to imagine a way to make sure it never happens again. "Do either of you know why you're here?"

"No," Chuuya says, eyes watering. They're bloodshot from not blinking, matching Dazai's which looks equally pained as they stare into Mori's soul.

Mori sighs. "Dazai, do you know why you're here?"

"Not a clue," Dazai replies, voice strained from the sheer effort of keeping his eyes away from the screen before him.

"Neither of you can take a guess at what recent events might've led us to this?"

The duo stay silent, eyes glazed over in an attempt to stay unblinking. Mori wonders if he should add this to their growing list of strange-sort-of-unecessary-but-occasionally-useful skills that they've kindly been demonstrating to him lately. Number sixty-nine sent him to a stroke. And is also the reason they're sitting here today.

"Maybe I can jog your memories," Mori says. He would sneer it, give an evil grin perhaps, but he's quickly learnt that Double Black will rarely let things go the way you want them to. He keeps his tone bland to help prevent any further embarrassment down the line.

He turns the laptop to face him, releasing Double Black from their death stare. They immediately slump back into their chairs, coughing and gasping dramatically as if they'd been deprived of air. For all Mori knows, they'd been holding their breaths as well, just to say they can. He hates them. He doesn't know what he was thinking, pairing a blue-eyed ranga with a brown-eyed freak. Recipe for fucking disaster.

Speaking of fucking disaster, he swiftly finds the footage he'd been avoiding looking for. He told himself he'd only bring it up in this conversation in case of an emergency, which really meant he should've brought it up as soon as the duo walked in. He clicks off the sex Ed PowerPoint he'd previously put together for this specific scenario and pulls up the dreaded file. He presses play, whipping the laptop back around before the boys have time to recover from their dramatised coughing fits.

He's turned the volume to max. If he has to suffer, they do too.

The room is immediately filled with way-too-familiar moans. Chuuya goes bright red, eyes bulging and fixed on the screen in front of him. Mori can imagine Dazai probably matches, but can't tell because the boy dived for cover as soon as the first breathy moan was heard through Mori's surround sound system.

Mori's very glad he can't see the screen, the look on Chuuya's face telling him enough.

"No, no, no no no no!" Dazai hisses, scrambling from beneath the chair he's dived under, launching himself at Mori's desk to slam the laptop shut. Mori watches the tension drain from both the boys, but before the red can fully leave Chuuya's face, the moaning starts up again, unhindered by the off button.

Dazai grabs the laptop and throws it at the ground with his full strength. Considering Dazai is built like a twig, this was entirely ineffective. Chuuya then jumps from his chair, landing on the laptop, and begins stomping on it. Dazai cheers him on as he tears the computer apart, finally launching the remains out of Mori's window, shattering it.

Mori feels sad about the state of his bank account.

"Device has disconnected," the speaker says.

Silence replies, the adrenaline slowly fading and Double Black becoming aware of what exactly just happened. Their gazes slid to Mori, disbelief and anger churning there.

"Boys," Mori says gravely, ignoring his apprehension. "I think it's time we had... The Talk TM "

~~

The silence is starting to get scary. Both Dazai and Chuuya have pinned their gaze on Mori again, but this time with slow, coordinated blinks. It's disturbing.

"You're both eighteen now, and clearly intent on... exploring," Mori grins, but it feels awkward with Double Black's accusatory eyes on his, like he was the one that made them fuck in a public mafia hallway! "With each other, which is- which is great!"

Neither of them spare him the mercy of a reply, leaving him to drown in his own awkwardness. He wonders how badly this incident will come back and haunt him.

"I would like you to know your relationship has my full, unaltered support!" Mori continues, trying to placate the glares. "I only want to-"

"We're not in a relationship!" Chuuya interrupts loudly. He walks over to Dazai and slaps him in the face as if to prove a point. Dazai gasps in offence and tries to slap Chuuya in the face but misses and falls over like the lanky, uncoordinated anthropomorphized weasel he is. Chuuya points at him in disdain. "I have higher standards than that."

"Yeah!" Dazai's muffled voice agrees. He pokes his head over the edge of the desk to fix Mori with a piercing glare. "The slug couldn't be able to reach my standards even if he was on his tippy-toes."

"Then why were you..." Mori struggles to find a professional term that won't keep him up at night. He is not successful. " ...making love in the executive hallway? You traumatised not only Higuchi, but every man behind the security cameras!"

"We were obviously competing to see who could last longer," Dazai sniffs, standing up and crossing his arms as if this fact was obvious.

"In sex, which we obviously know lots about and don't need to have a 'talk' about," Chuuya adds, leaning over to glare directly into Mori's cringing eyes. "I think the only talk we need to have is why you had that footage downloaded."

"For real," Dazai says, raising his only available eyebrow.

"I only want my two favourite executives to be safe," Mori placates, reaching out to cover one of Chuuya's fists where it's clenched at the edge of his desk. "STI's are no joke."

Chuuya's jaw drops, looking flabbergasted that Mori would dare touch him. Dazai seems equally as shocked.

"...for real," Dazai agrees. Chuuya rips his fist from Mori's grip to punch him in the face. Dazai takes it like a champ.

"We have to have a chat about this eventually boys, and me and Kouyou decided it would be best I give it," Mori reasons, trying not to feel threatened by the look in Chuuya's eye. "Plus, I'm a doctor, and can assure you I've seen everything, so-"

"I know how to use a condom!" Chuuya yells, throwing his hands up. "I'm out."

Chuuya storms towards the wall. Dazai follows, grinning mischievously at Mori before catching up with his partner in crime.

"For real," Dazai winks, before he disappears through the hole Chuuya's made in his wall.

Mori slumps back in his chair, contemplating the shattered window, the destroyed laptop, and the headache that's about to ensue. "Maybe I should have chosen a different approach," he mutters to himself, rubbing his temples. He stares at his PowerPoint sadly. He worked really hard on that.

With a heavy sigh, he picks up his phone and dials Kouyou. It's time to reevaluate their teaching techniques.