"Beyond Numbers"

1

"You can't come home with anything below a 90." My dad's voice echoed in my head as I looked down at my math test. At the top of the page in red Sharpie was a 60. Every year, the number he expected from me increased, and that notion never left my head for the next five years. Math is a puzzle, and it is one I have always loved solving since third grade. The concept of numbers and figures was easy and fun. However, the pressure from my dad to be an all-star student led to an enormous amount of anxiety and stress.

It wasn't until sixth grade when students were placed into regular or honors classes that I began having anxiety attacks going into every test and quiz in fear of the outcome. Would I blank as soon as I sat down? Should I have studied harder? Would my average plummet? My stomach sank. Post-test stress was not much better. My first thought immediately went to what my dad would say if I got another bad grade, and I began to have another panic attack. I felt like a failure, and worse, a disappointment to my parents and myself.

On paper, I was still a star student, but in my mind, I was failing... at everything: math, science, presentations, and public speaking. My mindset had shifted, and I was getting overwhelmed. I went into overdrive. I stayed up late studying and tried getting ahead by teaching myself new material. The weight to be perfect was getting too heavy to bear. I couldn't eat. I got nauseous from daily migraines. Everything physically hurt. This began to affect my personal life as well. As a veteran swimmer and soccer player, I knew that I needed to be at the top of my game, physically and mentally.

Living with anxiety as a young adult for me is never going to be easy. However, I am hardworking, driven, adventurous, and curious, thus giving up is never an option. I have discovered other ways to center myself and now, I even tutor math. College, to me, is a competitive atmosphere. I enjoy a challenge and am looking forward to immersing myself in an environment with people who have the same goals and ambitions that I do. A career in bio-engineering means being able to adapt and finding ways to overcome obstacles. I am most intrigued by the pivotal role I will play in working towards scientific change. It is a new puzzle for me to solve.

As I enter the next phase of my life I can finally see the bigger picture. Now, every time I look down at a test I will only see 100. This is a reflection of how far I have come. Like altering DNA, I changed my outlook on being judged by others. Mentally, my greatest accomplishment is how my mindset has grown. I'm always going to be nervous, but a number does not define who I am.

The years rolled by, marked by a series of milestones and challenges that shaped me in ways I never could have predicted. High school came and went in a blur of late-night study sessions and heart-pounding exams. Despite the lingering anxiety that clung to me like a shadow, I pushed forward with determination.

College beckoned on the horizon, a vast landscape of possibilities waiting to be explored. The thought of leaving home, of stepping into a world entirely my own, filled me with a mix of excitement and trepidation. As I packed my bags and said goodbye to my childhood bedroom, I felt a surge of anticipation. This was it—the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

Stepping onto the campus of my chosen university, I was greeted by a whirlwind of orientation activities and introductions. The air buzzed with energy as new students mingled and exchanged nervous smiles. I found myself surrounded by a diverse group of individuals, each with their own dreams and aspirations. It was both exhilarating and overwhelming, this sense of endless possibility stretching out before me.

Living away from home for the first time was a lesson in independence. From navigating laundry rooms to managing my own schedule, I quickly learned the ropes of adulthood. But amidst the excitement of newfound freedom, the weight of expectations still hung heavy on my shoulders. The memory of my dad's words echoed in my mind, a constant reminder of the standards I was expected to meet.

Despite the challenges, I threw myself into my studies with renewed vigor. The world of bio-engineering opened up before me like a vast, unexplored frontier, each lecture sparking my curiosity and igniting my passion. I spent hours in the library, pouring over textbooks and research papers, eager to absorb every ounce of knowledge I could. The thrill of discovery became my driving force, propelling me forward through late nights and early mornings.

But as the demands of coursework intensified, I found myself struggling to maintain balance. The pressure to excel, to meet the lofty expectations I had set for myself, threatened to overwhelm me. I turned to familiar coping mechanisms—late-night study sessions fueled by coffee, endless lists of tasks and deadlines meticulously planned out. Yet, despite my best efforts, the anxiety persisted, a constant companion whispering doubts in my ear.

It was during one particularly challenging semester that I met Dr. Patel, a renowned professor in the field of bio-engineering. Their passion for the subject was infectious, and I found myself drawn to their lectures like a moth to a flame. I mustered the courage to approach Dr. Patel after class one day, seeking guidance on a particularly tricky project. To my surprise and relief, they welcomed me with open arms, offering not just academic advice but a listening ear and words of encouragement.

Under Dr. Patel's mentorship, I delved into the world of research, spending countless hours in the lab conducting experiments and analyzing data. The work was challenging, often frustrating, but incredibly rewarding. I lost myself in the intricacies of molecular structures and genetic codes, each discovery a puzzle piece in the larger picture of scientific advancement. The weight of my anxiety lifted in those moments of pure focus, replaced by a sense of purpose and drive.

One particular project captured my imagination—a study on the effects of gene editing techniques on cellular regeneration. The potential applications were staggering, from advancements in regenerative medicine to the treatment of genetic disorders. As I poured over the data, piecing together the puzzle of our findings, I felt a sense of exhilaration, unlike anything I had ever experienced. This, I realized, was what I had been searching for—a chance to make a real, tangible impact on the world through science.

As graduation loomed on the horizon, I found myself faced with a choice—where to go next? The prospect of entering the workforce was daunting, yet thrilling in its own right. I applied to prestigious research institutions and bio-engineering firms, each application a testament to the years of hard work and dedication I had poured into my studies.

And then, one day, the email came. An offer of a research position at a leading bio-engineering company, specializing in gene therapy and regenerative medicine. It was a dream come true, a validation of all the late nights and early mornings spent chasing my passion.

I accepted without hesitation