The Story of Us - Hyunlix - Hyunho

Rush Decisions Pt.II

Felix's POV

The next day came. The world was still turning, unbothered from our drama.

I woke up early, feeling empty. I found Chris in the kitchen, making breakfast. "You're up early today." He said cheerfully, not looking at me, busy with cooking. "Good, we have a lot of things to do. I am excited for our comeback. What do you..." he stopped short as he finally looked up and caught a glimpse of me and the state I was in. "What happened to you? You look awful." "Nothing..." "Nothing? You look like you've been hit by a train!" "Chris, I need to go back home for a while." I whispered. "Home?" "Yes, please!" "Felix, we have the recordings and the dance practices scheduled. It's not the ideal time for you to leave." "Please Chris! I need to leave! Just for a few days, a week, ten days at the most! I promise, I will be back on time. You don't need me for the first stages of recording anyway." I pleaded desperately. "Lix, is everything alright back home?" "Yes, Chris please I need to!" "Alright, alright! I guess you can go for a week. It is no big deal. We will rearrange things..." He gave me a strained smile, I knew I was pushing him. "Will you please tell me what is going on? "Nothing. Everything is fine." "Yeah, right..." he mumbled.

I took the first available flight to Sydney that same afternoon, all the while fretting that Hyunjin might decide to come see me. I knew that, after the initial shock, he would try to talk to me. I had to run, be out of reach for a while, to calm my self and stand my ground.

Everything is fine. Everything will be fine...

I kept repeating to myself like a mantra, on my long flight to Sydney. I was desperately fighting the urge to get to a flight back to Seoul, as soon as I landed, ran back to Hyunjin and beg him to forget everything I said the night before. I wanted to cry but it seemed I had no tears left. My body ached. I couldn't breathe at the thought of us breaking up. I was a wreck.

My family was pleasantly surprised to see me so suddenly. My sisters made a fuss, hugging me and flooding me with questions and news but my mother stood silently aside, watching me with worry written all over her face. She was always good at reading my mood. I couldn't hide from her.

"Why did you come back again, all of the sudden?" She asked when my sisters finally left me alone. "I missed you, that's all. I and some free time and decided to spend it with you." I smiled tentatively. "Are you alright, Yongbok?" I felt something shatter inside me as I heard that name. Hyunjin's face flashed in my mind. "I am just a little tired from the flight." I shrugged, but my mother gave me a look, unconvinced.  A knock on the door stopped her from saying whatever she was thinking. "We'll talk again later, Yongbok." She said solemnly and went to open the door. It was Stella. My friend stepped inside beaming. "Felix! What a surprise to see you again so soon!" She gave me a warm hug. I was happy to see her. She always was someone I could share my troubles with, without being judged. "Stella, nice to see you too. What are you doing in the suburbs?" I asked. "I came to visit my parents and met your sister. She told me you are here. I had to stop by and say hi!" She smiled brightly. "We have to catch up!" I wanted so badly to talk to someone, ease some of the burden that was lying heavily on me. Did I make a rush decision?  I needed someone to reassure me. She nodded eagerly. "Sure, let's meet tomorrow afternoon, what do you think?" "Ok, why not? I won't be staying long so let's catch up." I gave her a small smile. "Excellent! I'll message you the details! But now I have to leave." She solled her eyes. "My mother is waiting for me. See you tomorrow Felix. Bye mrs Lee!" She hugged me again and left.

My mother gave me a stern look which I decided to avoid. "You know, she got a divorce from that idiot she married." "No, I didn't know that." I mumbled. "Hmm..." I ran out of the kitchen with the excuse that I was tired from the trip and hid in my room to avoid her inquisitive stare and the many questions that were brewing inside her and I knew she couldn't wait to ask. I took a long hot shower, trying not to think about the man I already missed. How we always managed to have a make-out session under the running water. How his lips felt on mine and how his hands caressed my skin. It had only been 48 hours and I was falling apart. How would I survive? I walked out of the shower and looked at my phone. 10 missed calls and one voice mail. From him. I did not hear it. I couldn't.

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The next day I met with Stella down town. "Nice apartment." I said looking around. "It's ok." "I heard you got a divorce." She shrugged. "It didn't work out." "Are you planning to move back to the suburbs now?" "Are you kidding me? And have my father nagging at me all day, every day?" I let out a small laugh. She echoed my reaction. "What is wrong, Yongbok?" She asked me, turning serious. Was it that obvious? "You look devastated." I guess it was. I ended up pouring my heart out to her while we shared a bottle of wine. "Are you sure you won't regret it?" She asked softly. "It's for the best." I replied. "It's not what I asked, Yongbok." My heart clenched everytime I heard that name. His voice echoed in my mind, sweet and soft: 'Yongbok-ah...' I took a deep breath. "It is done." I said. "But it is not too late. You can change your mind. All you have to do is share your thoughts and doubts with him." She looked at me affectionately. "He loves you so much." 

I know, I know how much he loves me and it's killing me, being separated from him. But someone has to make the tough decision before it is too late. Before we regret ever being together.

We continued to talk, focusing on her problems instead of mine, and her failed marriage, drinking late into the evening. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the pain I was feeling, the emptiness inside me. Maybe it was the familiarity we shared. When we started kissing, the world around us faded. So did Hyunjin and everything else. Stella and I had our own code in bed and we always understood each other. We spent the whole night together. I found something I had given up years ago. And I liked it.

Being in control again.

I know this is unfair to him. He never denied me anything. I just had to ask. And I was the one who did not want to switch. I chose and defined our places in our relationship. Was this the real problem and not what I had thought? Was I the problem?