Moths - Saltburn

Closure - 08

The sun danced through the curtains as I awoke. To my surprise, and I would guess Oliver's, my dreams remained untouched by Duncan's hauntings. I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat in the firm bed, wrapping the sheets around my shoulders. My mind wandered for a while as I looked at the chestnut wardrobe across from me. Wanting a few moments of peace, I didn't immediately reach for my phone.

While I enjoyed the sunny, quiet moments, I felt a dull headache forming between my eyebrows. The bright light wasn't beneficial, but I didn't care. I glanced at my phone to find out the time: seven-fifty. I wasn't sure when Oliver usually got up for breakfast, so I crawled out of the large bed to brush my teeth. As I entered the bathroom, a note sat on the vanity.

I'll be in the courtyard with breakfast.

A dressing room was next to the bedroom, but it seemed very posh. I didn't grow up in a massive estate, so I changed in the bedroom as I was used to. Tucking my pyjamas in the side of my luggage, I set off for the courtyard, only getting lost once. The morning air was brisk as I stepped outside despite the sun shining brightly.

"Good morning." His bright eyes sparkled as he looked over his newspaper.

"It's good to see the sun for a change." I smiled.

Croissants, fruit, orange juice, and coffee were waiting for me. I pulled a chair from the table and settled myself across from him.

"Did you sleep well? I didn't hear anything, so I assumed you were okay." He said as he continued reading the paper.

"To my surprise, yes. You didn't say awake long, did you?"

"Just for a little while."

We ate in silence. I chose a buttery, warm croissant along with some fruit and poured a cup of coffee, hoping it would ease my headache. I made it through most of my plate before he spoke again, setting his paper down on the table.

"Duncan's funeral is at eleven thirty."

I paused for a moment, studying the pitcher of orange juice. His name stung my chest whenever I heard it.

"Are we able to go?" I asked.

"Yes."

"How did the family manage to get it taken care of so quickly?" I said timidly.

"For everyone's sake, they were encouraged to, and they have connections."

I nodded and sipped the rest of my coffee. An uneasy burning sensation started forming in my chest. Dread and sorrow clung to my heart. An unspoken distance seemed to form between us.

"Could we please get flowers?" I continued as if nothing was wrong, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

"Yes."

"Okay. Can I help you clean up before I go change?" I asked, but I didn't want to. Instead, my heart desired to leave and forget about everything.

"I'll take care of it."

"Okay."

I was scared to ask why he had suddenly been blunt with me. Days before, he didn't want to be apart, but I planned on going home anyway. Though somehow, I wanted his support more than ever.

Without another word, I stood up and walked back to the bedroom. Shadows cast over the rooms and hallways, taunting my solitude. If a heart could shatter, mine would be in a thousand pieces. My eyes filled with tears as I cradled my arms against my body. I entered the room, fell on the bed and sobbed.

Covered in tears, I couldn't calm myself. Twenty minutes went by before I could breathe properly. I found myself wanting to drown my sorrows in alcohol again. I would gladly welcome the numbness it so mercifully gave me. It was almost time to change, so I went to the bathroom to cool my face off. The water felt good against my heated skin. My eyes were red, dried tears staining my cheeks and neck.

Oliver stepped in briefly but said nothing. I turned to glance over my shoulder, but that was all. The sun no longer shone through the windows as I changed into my funeral clothes. I wore a long-sleeved black dress with black tights and block heels. My face cooled off enough for me to mask the redness with makeup. I hid my eyes behind eyeshadow and mascara, vowing not to cry.

It wasn't long before a faint knock on the door interrupted me as I stared blankly out of the window.
I slowly moved to open the bedroom door. Oliver stood before me in a well-fitted suit. I met his eyes, but they no longer felt familiar.

"Are you ready?" He asked.

"I am," I answered softly.

Tears stung my eyes as we walked into the church. The only thing we discussed prior was that we would stay in the back. My heart sank when I saw his coffin. I sat looking at the flowers, fighting the tears threatening to break my vow. I would soon be able to forget about everything.

It was a small service and went by quickly. We stayed until almost everyone left. The only two people who knew what happened were Oliver and me. Even though Duncan scared me, I would take it back instantly. Seeing his family and friends mourn changed me in ways I couldn't have imagined.

Before we left, I placed a bouquet of Lillie's with the other flower arrangements. We sat in the car for a while in silence. Dark clouds took over the once sunny sky; they brought out his coffin as raindrops fell. We watched the family follow behind and walk to the graveside. As the rain started falling harder, we left.

The drive back was sombre and silent. I was thankful it was over, and I wanted nothing more than to be home. I waited for Oliver to break the silence, but he didn't until we reached Saltburn.

He turned off the car and looked towards me, "Would you still like to go home?" He asked.

"I think it's best."

"Only if you feel ready."

Something in me snapped. "Ollie, what the fuck." My eyes still held tears. "Only if I feel ready? Oh my God. You've hardly spoken to me all day. I'm so alone and don't even recognise my reflection. I killed a man, and you smeared his blood on me, and I didn't care. What the fuck is wrong with me. Oh my God." Just then, I broke my promise to myself as tears began to fall.

"I'm sorry." He grasped the bottom of the steering wheel tightly as he spoke. "I found something this morning. A journal that Duncan kept about his time at Saltburn. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"Is that why you're so cold to me?" I asked abruptly.

"I wasn't trying to be Evie, I promise. It just caught me off guard," he said, looking at me.

"I fucking liked it, Oliver... What the hell is wrong with me." As I spoke, he let go of the steering wheel.

"Liked what?" He asked, leaning towards me.

"Everything we did after. You, the blood, everything. I'm so scared of myself. Oh my God. What is wrong with me?" I was shaking.

"It's okay. You're going to be alright." He wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "You shouldn't be scared of yourself." He continued.

"I am. I just want to go home and try to return to normal."

"Okay."

We went inside, and I gathered my luggage without even changing. I took in the bedroom one last time, seeing as I had no intentions of returning. Oliver stayed by the staircase, waiting for me. He helped me with my bag as we walked back to his car. The rain kept pouring as he drove me home, and neither of us said much. Eventually, I saw my little car and knew I had made the right decision. The building alone was a sight for sore eyes. I was thankful to be away from Saltburn and the memories it held.

"Thank you for driving me," I said.

"Evie, you know where to find me." He smiled softly.

"Goodbye, Oliver."

I gathered my things, walked to unlock the door and went inside without looking back.

*** Thank you all for continuing to read! I appreciate the comments and encouragement more than you know. My schedule should return to normal publishing on Fridays. I hope you all had a wonderful St. Patrick's day!