Moths - Saltburn

St Thomas - 12

I could hear my dad's voice as I read his text repeatedly. After all the pain I caused, I couldn't have my phone on when my mum needed me. I would continue the blame game with myself later, but I called them right then and there.

"Hello, sweetheart." He attempted to whisper.

We always teased him for his terrible ability to speak or do anything quietly. My parents were opposites. My dad was protective, stubborn and sometimes abrasive, but never towards us. My mum, on the other hand, was always so kind. She never raised her voice, and I rarely saw her get angry. They met at university and became "inseparable when mum discovered I was studying law." At least, that's what my dad always said.

"Hey, Dad. How's mum? I'm packing a bag right now." I said quickly.

"She's stable, but I know she'd be better if she could see you. The doctors are pleased with how she's doing. Why don't you come first thing in the morning? We aren't going anywhere." He replied.

"That's good then. I'm sure you didn't threaten a lawsuit at all. Are you sure you want me to wait? That's very serious." I said.

"I only threatened once, but you should've seen how terrible your mum was doing at first. Bloody idiots don't know how to take care of people. And I don't want you sleeping in this hospital full of germs." He started raising his voice more as he spoke.

"I'm sure it would be fine, Dad. I'd rather see you both sooner." I replied.

"I won't have it. You get a good night's sleep, and we'll see you in the morning. Not a moment sooner." He replied and hung up.

He was very theatrical. My mom usually balanced that out, but sometimes he went for it anyway. It helped him in the courtroom but not so much at home. He was very serious about it all, which made it even better. Never a dull moment, so to say.

I unpacked my bag and resisted the temptation to drink again, with my mind focused more on my parents. I hardly slept due to my worry and guilt trips for not being readily available when it first happened. It was torture living with my mind.

I looked around the small place and eyed my wine cabinet before leaving. I'd return to that issue soon enough, but my parents were my priority. Knowing how much worse it could've been was sufficient punishment for now.

The hospital was cold and drab as a nurse led me down the never-ending hallways. After walking for a few minutes, we came to their room. I knocked lightly on the door and thanked the nurse before stepping inside. My mum was asleep, but Dad was pacing around.

"Sweetheart." My dad spoke with a big smile as he opened his arms for a hug.

"Hey," I whispered.

"She'll be so excited to see you when she wakes up. Are you hungry?"

"Not really. Are you okay?" I replied with a smile.

"Of course, of course. I'm just glad you're here. It wasn't good for a while, Eva. Come sit down and get comfortable. How was the drive? It was good, correct? You seem to be in one piece."

It was common for him to call me by my nickname when he was trying to be calm. He was the only person that I would let call me Eva. Rambling was highly unlike him, so I knew my main job would be to keep him relaxed. I'd only ever seen my dad shaken a few times. One time, it happened to be about something other than my mum.

"She'll be just fine, dad. Remember, the doctors are pleased with how she's doing. The drive was no trouble at all. We both know Mum probably needed a break from all your chaos. However, you two didn't have to go through all this to get me to visit." I teased in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Oh bloody hell, Eva." He laughed.

We sat on the small sofa in the corner and talked for a while. He asked me all about my new ventures. Of course, I lied. It was good to pretend for a while. Our talk was somewhat distracting, and I almost forgot about my anxiety.

"Evalie?" A small voice spoke.

My attention immediately turned towards my mum. She adjusted herself to face us and smiled.

"Hi, Mum," I smiled back as I walked over to the bed.

"Thank goodness you're here. I was telling your father how dreadful this has been without you. I can only tolerate him for so long." She spoke softly.

"I was just telling him he needs to lighten up. Although you really didn't have to go through this to have me visit." I replied.

A huge weight lifted when she spoke clearly, but I hid my relief. My job was to keep things as normal as possible and not make a big fuss. They both did that for each other. Usually, it was pretty entertaining unless it was a serious matter. Sadly, this was the latter.

"Well, he's been wonderful taking care of me." She patted the bed so I could sit on the edge.

I listened for hours about how everything happened. In Mum's version, my dad made a big deal over nothing, and in his version, she was on death's door. As for reality, I'll never know. A nurse checked on her several times, but I didn't see her doctor.

The rest of my visit was very refreshing, regardless of the circumstances. It was the perfect distraction, and I completely forgot about my troubles until I went to leave. The mask was easier to put on for my parents than for my friends. I couldn't break their hearts.

I tried to convince my dad to let me stay the night so he could get sleep at home. He was having none of it. They insisted I go home to my "new and exciting dreams". Which just crushed my heart more. They didn't know, and I wasn't going to tell them.

"Mum, tell Dad to call me if something else happens or you need anything." I insisted.

"You know he won't ask for help, but I'm glad he called you to visit." She said.

"I'm so sorry I didn't answer the phone the first time. I can't imagine if something worse happened without knowing. It won't happen again, I promise." I said shakily.

"You have your own beautiful life and responsibilities. There's no need to apologise. You shouldn't worry about us; we are just fine. I'll be at home tomorrow, and then later, you come back when we can take you on a holiday." She replied calmly.

"Okay, Mum, I love you both so much," I said, hugging my dad and leaning down to hug my Mum.

"We love you more, Eva." My dad said.

It was a bittersweet feeling to leave. I didn't want to abandon them, but knew they didn't see it that way. They only wanted the best for me and thought I had it. However, I did have a slow descent into madness I had never felt, a developing alcohol habit and a desire for nothingness.

*** Hi friends, it's me again. To the people that say there's a writers curse when you publish and write as you go... it's true. Holy **** has life been just lovely. (Please note the strong sarcasm.) I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was fun for me to write and put some humour in for a change! Bye for now :)