You never change (kymen)

I hate him

As I sat at the café table where I've got invited by Stan, sipping my coffee and trying to focus on the book in front of me, the conversation around me swirled and danced like a relentless tempest. It seemed like everywhere I turned, the topic of discussion revolved around one person: Eric Cartman and the worst part was that I just heard he was my neighbour now...

Stan, Butters, Clyde, Tweek, Craig—they were all engaged in animated chatter about Cartman's latest escapades, his newfound swagger, and his upcoming performance at the prom. The girls at the neighboring table, including Bebe and Wendy, were equally enthralled, giggling and whispering about Cartman's physique, his undeniable charisma.

Just then, Stan leaned in, his voice low and urgent. "Hey, Kyle, did I tell you what happened yesterday? Wendy and I saw Cartman at the gym."

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued despite myself. "What? Cartman at the gym? Doing what?"

Stan shrugged, a fake amused expression on his face appeared. "I have no idea, but Wendy mentioned he looked good..."

Just then, Kenny slid into the seat beside me, his hood pulled low over his face. "What's up, guys?"

Butters glanced at Kenny, then back at me. "We were just talking about Cartman."

Kenny shrugged, seemingly unfazed. "Yeah, I've noticed everyone's been pretty into him lately."

Stan's frustration boiled over, his voice sharp with annoyance. "That's exactly the problem! It's like nobody can talk about anything else anymore. Cartman this, Cartman that—it's getting old."

I nodded in agreement, feeling a surge of solidarity with Stan. "Seriously, it's like he's taken over the whole town or something. I'm sick of hearing about him."

Heidi shot me a curious glance, but I ignored it, my irritation mounting with each passing second. The mere mention of Cartman's name grated on my nerves, and I was ready to snap.

Amidst the chatter, a snippet of gossip caught my attention. "Did you hear about Cartman bribing the principal to make the prom?" Craig's voice carried a tone of disbelief.

Tweek's eyes widened in shock.
"S-S-Seriously?"

Clyde chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, but you know Cartman—he always finds a way to get what he wants."

Butters, who had been listening quietly, suddenly mumbled, his voice barely audible. "Oh, um, yeah, I heard about that too... Cartman's always got some scheme up his sleeve."

Meanwhile, Bebe Wendy and Heidi exchanged whispered comments, their voices barely audible above the din of the café. Their giggles only added to the excitement, fueling the Cartman frenzy even further.

But as the conversation dragged on, Kyle's patience wore thin. He couldn't stand another moment of Cartman talk, not when it seemed like the whole world had gone mad with obsession.

"Can we talk about something else for once?" Kyle interjected, his voice laced with frustration. "I'm sick of hearing about Cartman."

Stan shot Kyle a sympathetic glance, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, Kyle's right. Let's change the subject."

But the others seemed too caught up in the Cartman craze to pay much attention. Their chatter continued unabated, the volume rising with each passing moment.

With a frustrated sigh, Kyle pushed back his chair and stood up, his irritation reaching its breaking point. "I'm out of here," he muttered, his voice tinged with anger.

Stan glanced up at Kyle, concern etched on his face. "Kyle, where are you going?"

But Kyle didn't bother to answer. He was done with the café, done with Cartman, done with the whole damn town. Without a backward glance, he stormed out of the café, leaving the chatter about Cartman behind him. Enough was enough—I had better things to do than waste my time talking about Eric Cartman. As I stepped outside, the cool breeze offered a momentary respite from the stifling atmosphere inside. Yet, even as I tried to shake off my irritation, a nagging curiosity gnawed at me. What was it about Cartman that had everyone so captivated? And why did it bother me so much that even Heidi, my own girlfriend, couldn't resist talking about him? It was like he had cast a spell over the whole town, and I was the only one immune to its effects. But as I walked away, leaving the café and its relentless chatter behind, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Cartman's newfound popularity than met the eye.

As Kyle approached his house, he couldn't help but grimace at the thought of Cartman being his neighbor now. The last thing he wanted was to deal with Cartman's shenanigans on a daily basis.

Quickening his pace, Kyle muttered under his breath, "Just my luck. Now I have to put up with Cartman's crap right next door."

He practically sprinted inside his house, slamming the door shut behind him with a sense of urgency. Leaning against the door, he muttered to himself, "I swear, if he causes any trouble, I'm not gonna hesitate to call the cops."

As Kyle prepared to settle into bed letting his window open, his phone buzzed with a message from Cartman. He furrowed his brows in confusion as he reply.

**Phone Conversation:**

Cartman: Yo, Jew, you awake?

Kyle: What do you want, Cartman?

Cartman: Wanna step outside for a smoke? Got some new smokes to try.

Kyle: No thanks, I don't smoke.

Cartman: Oh, come on, just for kicks. Break the routine, you know?

Kyle: I'm good, it's late.

Cartman: Your loss, jew. More for me then. ;)

Kyle: Whatever, asshole.

*No response from Cartman*

Kyle: Hello?

*Still no response*

Kyle: Cartman?

*Silence*

As Kyle tries to shake off his confusion from the strange messages from Cartmen he's getting more and more frustrated.

"What's wrong with this guy?" said Kyle fed up with his shit

To be continued ⏩