Izzy & Noah

Seventy-Eight: The Weight of Silence with Luka

"Izzy, come on, the taxi's waiting for us, it's time. " He pulls me out of my thoughts.

I look at the lift one last time, I don't have the feeling that anything has changed here, that anything is different, that everything is the same, but there is a big hole inside me that I am going home with.

I look at the lift as if it will come. He'll come and tell me he's still here. But his body was so cold, so lifeless.

Why can't I forget it? I look down at my hand, feeling that I keep touching that coldness.

"Izzy. " Luka calls from the entrance.

" Yes, I'm coming. "I reply and turn to leave. With my head down.

To the car.

I sit in the back seat and we let Luka drive.

The drive is torturous, the silence has become torturous for me, as much as I used to enjoy it, now I suffer. Luka looks out somewhere thoughtfully, I watch him.

The exact opposite of Noah.

His eyes are green, his hair lighter. But he's so reserved, so sparse.

He never says much.

" Is something wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? " Luka replies when he looks in my direction.

" Nothing, I'm just thinking. " I start. I'm really looking at him.

A little too long, just like he always looks at me a little too long when he sees me.

" We'll be at the airport soon, do you want to get something to eat? " he asks. Because I keep looking at him.

" Yes, absolutely. If I can eat anything at all. I'm not hungry for any of this. "I reply.

" But you have to eat because you're going to be fine, you can't just stop eating. "Luka replies, raising an eyebrow. What do I mean by not eating? "When was the last time you ate? " he continues.

" I don't know, maybe yesterday. "I answer. I really can't remember, it's not just the running that's gone, it's the will to live.

If I could, I wouldn't eat any more.

" Izzy, but food is important, you have to eat. "Luka scolds me, I feel like a little girl.

" I'm sorry, I can't. It's no use. But I'll try. "I reply.

We finally arrive at the airport and this uncomfortable closeness and conversation is over.

We each pick up our suitcases and walk through the main doors of the airport.

The flight is still two hours away.

 What are we going to do, what am I going to do with Luke at the airport? Talk?

 I admit that I'm not the best at this, because small talk doesn't work for me.

We walk to the reception, where we drop off our luggage and arrange our flight tickets.

One moment in your life you're happy, you're shining, and the next moment everything goes to shit, you want to die with that person, but it doesn't work that way, it's not meant to be. I wish it was different.

Once we've sorted everything out, I walk nervously next to Luke. "What are we going to do now, we still have two hours before the flight home? "I ask nervously.

" We're going to eat. That's what we're going to do. " he replies.

" Good idea. " I reply, but my stomach turns at the thought.