If we had known. (If he had been with me alt ending)

When I remembered. (2)

*DISCLAIMER: Sexual references and suggestive statements, self harm and suicidal thoughts*

Autumns pov:

"Come with us..."
My heart stopped. No. - it broke. "Autumn?" My mother asks. "Hm...?" I mumble, snapping out of my daze. "The kind nurses wanna talk to us sweetie" Oh. Yeah. 'Let's just get this over with' I think to myself.

"Follow us." The nurses say, leading us to an empty office. But when I don't answer after they proceed to say- "You're family to Phineas Smith correct?" Focus Autumn. Focus.
"Y-yeah." After I walk into the empty room.
A million thoughts swirl through my mind. Is he alive? Does he remember me? Is he still...there?
"So we have some good news and some bad news." Oh no, this can't be good. But just as I'm about to respond my mother says "tell us the good news first?" I slowly nod my head at my mother's words and wait for what the nurses say. "He felt no pain, but..." no. "He is not with us anymore..."

All I see is Finnys face after that.

This can't be real. I pinch myself.
"S-so he's d...dead?" I say with dread.
"Well, yes and no." After that, all I feel is confusion on what that could possibly mean.
"He is in a coma state. The likeliness of him waking up decreases every day. He has a severe concussion and multiple other injuries."
Shock. Shock is all I feel. Then something happens....relief? Part of me is saying 'finny is gone, he won't wake up.' And the other is saying 'he's alive! Finny is gonna bs okay!"

What do I do? All I can think to do is ask Finny, but I can't. I can't talk to him, I can't hug him, I can't love him...
What if he wakes up and doesn't remember me? Or what if he never wakes up? What will I do? How can I do anything without him?

Then my mind clicks back to the reason of this. Sylvie. That b*tch, she did this.
Anger overwhelming me, tears rolling down my face I stutter. - "What about Sylvie???"
The nurses faces instantly Change, to happiness.
"Oh, well we can't tell you details but, she only had a few slashes on her face and arms. She should be okay."

Blackness. All I see is blackness. Anger fills me with tears. 'No!' I think. 'She does not get to live if he doesn't!'

But there is nothing I can do. I can't go back and tell Finny to stay with me, where it is safe. I can't warn him the horror of what will happen. I can't do anything. All I want is to hug Finny, I want to kiss him, I want to make love to him. But I can't, because as much as I want to, Finny is gone - well mostly.
"Can I see him?" I say through my teeth.
"Oh of course, it might help if you talk to him, try and get his brain thinking."

Okay. Okay, this is good. 'I'll be right here with you Finny.' I think.

-2 hours later-

I've been with him like this. - sitting in silence, holding is cold hand.
'Our story doesn't end like this. Not yet.'
There is nothing I can do. All I can do, is hope and pray that he will miraculously just wake up, okay and healthy.
But that never happens, nor will it probably ever.

-3 weeks later-

It's been 3 weeks and 2 days. 3 weeks and 2 days since I've talked to Finny, hugged Finny, kissed Finny. And it'll probably be a lot more until I can again.
My mind goes back to our last night together. - him and I. Sleeping together, kissing together, loving together. - I remember him kissing me, telling me how much he loves me, saying that he'll be right back, and we'll finally be together.
But we aren't. Not even close.

I've been throwing up, a lot. Guess my nerves are getting the best of me. Finny would hug me and tell me 'it's okay. You're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay.' But he can't. And he probably never will.

I sit against my bathroom floor, crying, wanting him back. I vomit. Again and again. And when I'm not doing one, I'm doing the other.
My mother hasn't talked to me since that night, neither has aunt Angelina.
I'm alone. All alone.

I clutch my phone, looking at pictures of Finny. Finny smiling, Finny laughing, Finny with me...
That's the moment that I decide. In two weeks, I will kill myself.