A thrilling showdown

Narcissism at its finest.

31/03/23
This is the greatest piece of literature to ever grace this earth. It is truly a masterpiece - my magnum opus.

—

It was a day like any other in the Scottish highlands. I wandered through the forest, weaving between the low trees, the green pine needles poking into my sides. I was on my way to the Loch, and thought it would be a good idea to do a perimeter check. After all, this was my
forest. The forest that had belonged to my family for centuries. It had been passed down to me a couple decades ago, when my great aunt - the previous guardian of the forest - was brutally
murdered by an Englishman.
I wasn't about to let some Englishman (or any human for that matter) enter my forest. Besides, the little woodland creatures relied on me for safety. Not to brag, but I'm kind of the greatest around here. I wasn't ready to have my superiority complex buried in the mud by a human.

After walking downhill for a while, I finally reached the Loch. The water was still, and stretched on for miles. I trotted over to the water s edge, and decided to admire myself for a moment (remember I am the best, after all). Suddenly, the water stirred, and before my intelligent could process anything, (it really happened quickly) I stumbled back, met face to face with none other, than the Loch Ness Monster.
"Hello laddy!" she bellowed, her accent was thick.
"Nessie, I thought I told you never to do that!" I sneered. Nessie was a handful, and I didn't have any hands. "I almost lost my composure." I said.
"You did." she replied. The nerve!
I could tell she knew I was mad, as she tried to distract me, get me to talk about something else. "Your horn is as sharp as ever" she cooed.
"Well of course it is!" I wasn't going to fall for her tricks. "I spend hours a day maintaining my gorgeous body. I would never be seen dead with a tangled mane or a dull horn! I-"

Damned Loch Ness Monster. "I didn't come here to talk about myself" I cried. Although I really wanted to.
"Of course not." Nessie smiled at me, her slimy green almost glowed under the sunlight.

"So tell me-" I began, trying to calm myself, "What is going on with the humans." Recently, the humans had been showing up to my forest a lot. They were frantic, like someone or something was chasing them. It was annoying. I wanted them out of my forest as soon as possible.
"Ah..." Nessie trailed off, her big black eyes tried avoiding me, but i could see right through her. She was like an 8-ball.
"Tell me Nessie." I demanded.
"It's him." she said.
"Who is 'him'?"
"...MJ" she finally said. It was like saying his name was saying a death sentence. She cowered back into the water, her eyes darting around. Her small head barely stuck out of the water.
MJ... I thought he was dead. No. He had to be. I saw it with my own two ryes, and these eyes never see wrong.
"How is he alive?!" I yelled. I was furious.
"I don't know!" Nessie choked the words out. I knew she wasn't lying.

"I'll kill him." I seethed. Michael Jackson. My sworn enemy. This time, I would make sure he was dead. "Where is he now?"
"He's in Edinburgh," she sniffled, "he's already taken Glasgow. A this rate, he'll have the whole of Scotland!"
"Calm down, Nessie. I'll stop him." with that, I left. My destination: Edinburgh.

I would take down the tyrant known Michael Jackson, and save the whole of Scotland. Oh yeah. That sounds good. Me - the hero of Scotland. Maybe they'd make me their national animal?

I soon arrived in Edinburgh. The streets were barren, and I could tell - he was here.

"Hee hee" I'd never turned my head so fast.

He had his back to me, his white suit seemed to absorb the moon light.
Slowly, he began to move. Never once turning to face me. One foot after another, gliding across the street like it was ice. One foot after another. Approaching me, slowly. I'd never been so afraid of a moonwalk. I was trembling.

Suddenly, stopped, stood only a few yards away. Then he turned, his suit jacket flaring up. It was like a dance, every step closer, every movement. It was precise, calculated, as he closed the short distance between us. His movements were mesmerising, the perfectly choreographed dance rendering me immobile. He moved with the grace of a ballet dancer.
I couldn't move. I was in awe. I had to do something. But I couldn't. For the first time in my life, I felt powerless.

I fell down. What was I supposed to do? My legs were weak, they wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I tried to move them, to get up, to fight.
He stopped in front of me, looking down on me. Mocking me. "Hello, my precious unicorn." His voice was soft, like an angel from heaven. It infuriated me.

Finally, I found the power to move. He was right here, right in front of me. I lunged forwards, my horn heading straight for his heart. I missed.

He was too quick, too elegant. Too perfect.

—
And that's where it ends.

Can you tell I didn't (and still don't) know a thing about Scotland?