The First Rule

Chapter 44: Bestfriends Forever

December 2023

Between the falling first snow of December, you sat by the frozen lake. The world around you was hushed, the snow blanketing everything in a soft.. cold silence. Tyler lay in your lap, his head resting on your thigh, still deep in slumber. Stroking his head softly, you took in the way his calm demeanor soothed you, even as tears began to well in your eyes.

"I'll just keep watching you from the sidelines.. happy.. because you're happy.."

A tear escaped, falling onto his forehead. Closing your eyes shut, you held your sob as you felt the clenching hurt in your chest. Lifting your head to the sky, you watched as the pure white snow fell graciously around the bowing trees. And you wondered how the world could be so cruel sometimes, displaying such beauty.. amidst such heartache.

"Rule #10 is our best rule for sure," you chuckled through your tears, sounding almost manic. The sound of your own laugh surprised you—and you quickly stifled it, not wanting to wake your bestfriend. You noticed him adjusting his position slightly and you held your breath—body shaking with silent sobs as you covered your face with your hands.

"I miss you dad—mom—where are you mom?! Why won't you ever tell me where you are—?" your mumbled words were muffled by your hands, but they hung heavy in the cold. Almost too consumed by your grief, you didn't notice how Tyler had turned, facing away from you.

And he opened his eyes.

His eyebrows were already knitting as he stared at the frozen lake with sorrow. His mind raced, eyes wandering everywhere as he debated whether to reveal that he was awake.. or to keep pretending he was asleep. Your trembling hand rested on his shoulder, the touch was light, careful not to wake him. Still.. he could feel the depth of your sadness in every stroke. So he decided to stay still, not wanting to put any more pressure on you.

"I think I never loved anyone like this before, and Dom—" you whimpered, your voice breaking in suppressed wails. Tyler's body went rigid, his eyes immediately went shut. He struggled to keep his silence—forehead creasing with the effort. Despite his turmoil, your fingers continued to caress his hair, sniffling. You stared at how the lines of his jet black hair getting damp from the snowflakes.. as the realization dawns on you..

"I.. I don't think.. I don't think I ever loved anyone else but you."

His eyes snapped open. He stared blankly, gaze far reaching the white spruce trees lining at the edges of the lake. He thought..

He had always thought you loved his bestfriend too—

But this..

If he knew sooner—

"It's not that I'm a coward but I just—what matters is you'll still be my bestfriend—" you choked on your words, "forever—and nothing will ever change—" you pause as the thought of watching Tyler with someone else for your whole life played like a broken record.. of never being the one he actually loved—

"Fuck." you wailed, trying to hold back your sobs, but you couldn't. The tears fell freely now, mingling with the snowflakes that kissed your face. "It's ok—it's ok—" you comfort yourself, gently stroking your chest with your trembled hands. Noticing his almost damp hair despite your already damp hair, you still tried to shield Tyler's head from the snow, but your hands were trembling too much. You felt cold. So cold—but nevermind, you thought.

At least the snow is embracing you.

"Especially at times like this—when you're always there for me—always reminds me again—how—" you choked, the burning feeling in your throat stopped you from your speech. Darting your eyes to the skies above, you cursed inwardly at fate. Until by the time you looked down at him.. a sense of serenity washed over you. With your fingers still stroking his hair, a sad smile formed on your lips as you whispered,