Into the Pixar AU [UPDATED EDITION]

[Hypothetical Question]

(A/N: suggestive jokes ahead!)

McQueen: hey Woody, I'm asking everyone in the house an important question and so I'm gonna start with you.

Woody: okay? What's up?

McQueen: okay so, if I was dying, and the only way to save me was to give me head, would you do it?

Woody: I— what..?

McQueen: it's a yes or no question, dude. Would you do it?

Woody: ..why would that be the only way to save your life??

McQueen: I dunno. It's a hypothetical scenario! Just answer!

Woody: I mean.. I guess?? ONLY to save your life, though.

McQueen: Aw haha you care about me!

**

McQueen: hey Remy, would you give me head to save my life?

Remy: no.

McQueen: what? Why not?

Remy: why would I??

McQueen: if it was to save my life!

Remy: bold of you to assume I value your life that much.

McQueen: what the fuck, dude? I would do it to save your life!

Remy: I would rather just die!

**

McQueen: hey 22, would you suck my dick if I was dying and it was the only way to save me?

22: to save your life? Fuck no. To kill you faster? Sign me up.

McQueen: okay.. remind me not to put you down as my emergency contact.

**

McQueen: hey Sadness, I'm gonna ask you a question. Before I go on, I'm just gonna clarify; I know you're a lesbian. It's all just hypothetical, okay?

Sadness: oh boy, what is it?

McQueen: okay, I'm gonna lay out the scene here: so we're in the middle of a war with the DreamWorks. Alright? But! One of them poisons me.

Sadness: *gasps*

McQueen: I know! Fucked up, right? And the poison is spreading, slowly killing me. And the absolute only way to save me, is to suck my dick.

Sadness:

McQueen: would you do it?

Sadness: I- I'm gay?

McQueen: I know! That's why I started with that! But what if my life was on the line?

Sadness: umm.. I don't know?? I guess if I close my eyes? Sure, I- guess I would.. to save your life.

McQueen: thanks. You're a real one, girl!

Sadness: I'd probably throw up afterward though.

McQueen: I'll try not to take offense to that.

**

McQueen: hey Mater! Got a question for ya!

Mater: aight, shoot!

McQueen: okay, so would you give me head—

Mater: yeah sure, why not?

McQueen:

Mater: oh wait, weren't you done with the question?

McQueen: ..no. No, I was not. The question was would you give me head if it was to save my life..

Mater: oh! Well shoo, of course I would!

McQueen: ...can we go back to why you said 'yes' before I gave you context?

**

McQueen: hey Dory! Would you give me head to save my life?

Dory: hmm sure! Wait would you do it to save mine?

McQueen: yeah, of course!

Dory: awesome!

Marlin, from the other room: what the actual fuck is this conversation??

McQueen: oh yeah! Marlin, would you give me head to save my life?

Marlin: NO!

McQueen, to Dory: this is a test to see who my real friends are. He failed.

Marlin: I DON'T CARE! I'M NOT DOING IT! You've lived too long, anyway!

**

McQueen: hey Em, would you give me head if I was dying and it was the only way to save me?

Ember: if you're dying, and your only hope is me putting my mouth anywhere near your dick, you better prepare to say hi to God.

McQueen:

McQueen: I can't tell if that was supposed to be taken in the sexual way or-?

Ember: IT'S NOT!

**

McQueen: sup Atta! Say, I got a question!

Atta: what is it?

McQueen: so, hypothetically, if I was dying and you had to suck my dick to save my life, would you do it?

Atta: ha-ha, nope!

McQueen: what??

Atta: Lightning, I'm married! Besides, I don't want your penis anywhere near me.

McQueen: okay first off, ouch! You'd just let me die?? Second, my penis is attached to me so technically whenever I'm near you, so is my penis!

Atta:

Atta: and you've officially ruined our friendship. Goodbye.

**

McQueen: hey Barley! I'm getting tired of asking this over and over so make this quick; would you suck my dick to save my life?

Barley: wait why would that save your-?

McQueen: don't question it, just say yes or not.

Barley: uhhh... sure! Why not?

McQueen: awesome. I'd do the same for you, buddy. *walks away*

Barley:

Barley: wait what the hell just happened?

**

McQueen: hey Sulley! Would you give me head to save me from dying? Yes or no?

Sulley: ..I'm sorry in what universe are you dying and the cure is a blowjob from me?

McQueen: just answer the question, dude!

Sulley: are you dying right now?

McQueen: no?

Sulley: then sure.

McQueen: okay cool.

**

McQueen: okay, one more person...Imelda!

Imelda: que?

McQueen: so hypothetically, if I was dying, and the only way to save me was to suck my—

Imelda: *death glare*

McQueen:

McQueen: ..never mind, I got my answer.

(Idk I'd do it to save him🤷‍♀️ lmao pls don't take any of this too seriously, it's all just for laughs!)