the nova turner paradox

x. tick tick, tick, tick tick, tick

10:10

♫

"Nova," I said. "Once I get you out of this loop, you've got to go out with me."

Before she could respond, I said, "Mom, I swear I'm okay . Please leave."

Mom said some stuff like it was fine if I had a boy over at home, for as long as we were not having a baby, but the funny thing is none of those would happen because I was with a girl and I was trying to keep her away from death. Thanks for the advice anyway, Mom.

The light of the candle Mom was carrying disappeared from the gap under my door. I heard her footsteps slowly fade away, so I sighed and dropped on my back. I closed my eyes. Then like a flashback, I remembered, like it did not just happen a few minutes ago (but at that point what did time even mean to me?) how Nova and I had just kissed. On my bed.

I curled up into a fetal position, trying to keep the excitement inside especially because it is not over yet – but could I be a teenager in love for a moment and savor the thought of her lips on mine? Her hair slightly tickling my skin when we kissed? The scent of her neck? Good god. I know you've thrown me into this time-loop madness, but with that kiss, I could forgive you.

"You can't just ask out someone and then turn your back on them, y'know?"

I turned around and faced her. I still wasn't used to being that up close to her very attractive face, but I'd take it like a woman. "Nova, I'm stumped. How am I going to keep you alive?"

"I'm gonna go back to my question. Are you sure you've done everything already?" Softly, she touched my cheek. Butterflies swarmed my stomach when she ran her finger through my cheek then down to my chin. She was going to kill me. I wanted her to kiss me again. "Like are you really sure?"

"What are you . . ." I could not finish my question. She was leaning in closely, and there wasn't even much space to close between us. She smiled.

I figured it out.

She was looking at my lips again.

Is she trying to . . .?

Before she could lean in and kiss me, I stood up, my face burning. "I cannot believe you!"

She burst out laughing all of a sudden. She was laughing so hard as I sat there on my bed, trying to calm down my heart. I had no idea how naughty Nova could be! Like, she had some nerve! Doing that did not even cross my mind, and there she was, trying to tempt me, and then laughing as soon as she got a reaction out of me!

"Relax!" she said, still laughing. "Oh, boy! You looked so red and . . ." she laughed again.

"This is not funny at all," I said. "You're not taking me seriously, I know it."

My heart calmed down already, and she stopped laughing. When silence crept in, the feeling of doom came to replace it. I was scared again. 30 hours of being awake, 30 hours of being haunted by the memory of her dead bodies, the memory of her scared face. 30 hours of wondering if we would even go back. 30 hours of being scared of her dying yet again.

Nova sighed. She was suddenly sitting beside me, at the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make you smile, is all . . ."

I looked at her. Her face is so sad. "Don't make that face," I said. I covered her face with my palm. "Take it off."

She smiled. "Ya like this one better?" She pointed to her smiling lips.

I smiled back at her. I wanted to touch her face and admire it forever. "Much better. Yeah."