Invisible Strings

1: Sometimes I wish...

                                  -A U R O R A-

Sometimes I wish I could disappear...

You know, like vanish for a moment or so. Just get away from everyone. Not having to smile, be polite, fake laugh, just be on my own for a little.

Most people believe being alone is a sad crime, but honestly when your alone you have time to think, dig through your thoughts and make your own opinions.

When your around people all your own thoughts just seem to disappear as you hear the "way cooler" ideas others think. You just regret your own...

I prefer being alone.. I think it gives me time to be myself and not hide behind my crumbling mask

I often find myself questioning the world why my pain isn't superior enough to already break me, To just pull the arrow and let it crumble me away.

I saw him once, after my troubling at the school bathroom. I watched as he studied my face like a sad hawk. The way his eyes just ran all around as if looking for potential pieces falling of my mask.

I have been bullied ever since I entered freshman year of high school. It would always be the same group of girls, the ones you would usually call the prettiest with no worries, that would rather pick on you then help you out

At first I thought it was just a one time thing, maybe they were having a bad day and needed to take it out on someone, I don't mind being that person considering all my life I've been treated like a punching bag

From foster home to foster home they were all hell. Everyday was a new day of getting hit for something i didn't do or getting locked in my room just because they felt like it

Ive gotten used to it... I have now just learnt how to hide the pain better , that's the only difference

                                        •••••
"Your home finally!" My foster dad says in such a cold manner you could mistake it for a threat

" I'm sorry, school just ended" I say knowing that if I reply with anymore words he will burst and start to yell

" yeah sure, you were probably hanging around those school boys like the slut you are"

Don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

" I wasn't school really did just end I get here at the same time everyday"  I know my voice sounds really shaky right now and that satisfies him, but really what am I supposed to do when someone who is supposed to be like a dad to you calls you a "slut"everyday after school

"Yeah right. You know what i don't care maybe you'll get pregnant and then finally leave this house, your a waste of oxygen in the world anyway"

Ouch

Another piece of my already damaged heart I will have to pretend I still have

"Just get out my face before you tempt me to do something you'll regret, oh and don't forget to clean the house it's a mess like always"

I wonder who's fault that is

That's the last thing he has to say before  I bolt to my room and hide under the covers crying like a little girl