All I've Ever Known

A Gathering Storm

And that's when Sam stepped out of the shadows. I was frozen in place, staring at my brother, unable to process what I was seeing. At first, I thought it must have been a hallucination. Some strange combination of lack of sleep and stress had caused me to imagine my younger brother standing in this dingy room. But he didn't look exactly as he did in my memory - he looked thinner, warier. And his clothes... entirely unfamiliar. I just looked at him for a minute - trying to comprehend the truth I had always felt but not always believed.

"Sam?" I said, my voice cracking as I stared. And then I was sprinting across the room, throwing my arms around his neck, hugging him as tight as I could. "Oh my god, Sam, you're alive." My heart was thudding against my ribcage, tears streaming down my face without interruption. "I fucking knew it."

"Heya, Mags." Sam muttered, and I swear hearing his voice just made me cry harder. I was vaguely aware of Jordan muttering something to Hughie but it didn't matter to me. I pulled back, taking in his face. We'd both been through hell in the past year, but here we were.

"How long have you been here? Why didn't you find me? They said you were dead, Sam. You have a grave. There was a funeral. How-" I hugged him tight again, being pulled back and forth between anger and relief. "What happened?" I asked finally.

"They were experimenting on me. I was only there for a few days before The Boys broke in, looking for information. They got me out, and I've been working with them and hiding out here since then." He sounded tired, his voice worn and gruff. "But it wasn't safe. For any of us. I'm sorry, Mags. It had to be this way." My jaw clenched involuntarily.

"It hasn't been safe either way, Sam. I..." What could I even tell him? Dad's friends gave me a bad vibe at a fancy party? Bad things happened months ago and I still don't really understand them? I sighed.

"I know." He sounded exhausted and strained - like he was holding back a lot of emotions, or like he was feeling too many things at once.

"What do you mean, you know? What do you know?" My heart rattled in my chest as I tried to process the situation. Now that the shock of seeing Sam has dissipated somewhat, I was reminded of the reason I was so desperate to find anyone else outside of Vought. I pulled back to look him in the eye. The walls were closing in around me and I was slowly realizing how trapped I truly was. I used to say I'd never want to change the past - even the bad stuff. But I wish I could go back to the day Grace found me and scream at my past self, tell her not to listen to anything that comes out of any of their mouths. "Do you know something about the gala? Or..." I searched his face for answers I was almost positive he didn't have.

"We don't know much. Once I saw that phony-ass interview with you and Luke, I knew something happened." My heart constricted painfully, understanding the unspoken message: you broke our promise. Late nights spent crying together when his head got too loud, when my fears got to be too much - we pinky promised to stick together, and to make our own way.

The third worst night of my life was a night when we were in high school together. Sam, barely 14, sobbing in my arms as I tried desperately to convince him not to leave me. I had found his note - a heart-wrenching apology for the troubles he believed he caused us. I promised to stick by him, swore that we would make our own way.

"This is our life, Sammy. We can do whatever we want. We'll build our own future, and Dad can suck it." I said firmly, forcing my voice not to crack as I ran my fingers through his curls.

"But -"

"No buts, Sam. Let's make a promise: we make our own way." I said, offering him my pinky.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"What happened? I checked on you, you know. After I got free. And everything was normal. Then a few months later, everything changed, and you're back to playing along with all their games." He was trying to keep his voice neutral but I could tell he was bitter. And he has every right to be. I looked away guiltily.

"It's complicated." I said vaguely, still not able to meet his eyes. And before he could push it further, Jordan came over and cleared their throat awkwardly. "Oh, Sam, this is Jordan. They're a friend of mine, and they've been helping me. We live off-campus with Luke, Cate, and Luke's friend Andre. Jordan, Sam." This was definitely not how I'd imagined the two meeting - the circumstances were not great for making friends. They eyed each other warily. Sam in particular looked apprehensive, trying to get a read on Jordan in the dim light.

"We're going to stay here tonight - it's already kind of late. We can head back to the townhouse tomorrow, yeah?" They said to me, before smiling at Sam again. "It's nice to meet you, man. I've heard a lot about you."

"From who?" He asked, eyeing them nervously. I gave him a pointed look.

"Take a wild guess." I said, smiling wryly. "Anyways, if we're spending the night here, do you guys have any food? I'm starved."

After a few frozen pizzas and a bit of whiskey, it seemed like the whole room let out a breath of relief. Hughie's eyes were darting around the room about half as much, and I think I noticed Frenchie and Jordan sharing a cigarette. It felt... nice. I'd imagined it so many times but actually being in a comfortable space with both Sam and Jordan just felt right. And I felt more like myself than I ever had in a group this large. I was smiling and laughing and I didn't care that I wasn't sitting up straight or I was talking too much. At first, I thought it was just being with Sam again, but it was deeper than that. Even the people I just met felt safe. Like they could see me at my worst, and I wouldn't run and hide.

I was leaning back, listening to the conversation without really listening, when Jordan reached over to fix my collar. My breath hitched, a shiver running up my spine. I just hoped they didn't notice the way my cheeks were tinged pink the rest of the night.

And as I lay on the ratty old couch, wrapped in a scratchy wool blanket and half asleep, I found myself thanking whoever or whatever was watching over me. Because I got my brother back. I still don't feel like it feels real, and yet it feels more real than anything else I've been through in the past year.

Breakfast was a quiet but enjoyable affair, coffee poured and food made as if it was any normal morning. I left my number with Sam, making him promise to text me when he could.

"You know, it's not like I've got an iPhone out here, Maggie." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You can call me too, idiot." He sent me a playful glare but he was smiling. I could still see the questions in his eyes - questions I did not want to answer. "Keep me in the loop, yeah?" He nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll let you know if we find anything. Stay safe. Love ya."

"Love you too, Sammy. Stay sharp." He gave me a final nod.

"Now get outta here! I'm sure you have homework to do or whatever." I rolled my eyes. There's no way in hell I'll be able to focus on anything when I get home.

"Thank you guys!" I called out. Jordan had stayed quiet as usual, waving casually at the ragtag group of vigilantes. We walked a few blocks away before calling an Uber, a heavy silence falling between us.

"Well, we didn't get killed." I said. "But other than that, I have absolutely no idea how to feel right now. One big question answered, but now I have about a hundred new questions."

"Tell me about it." Their voice was nonchalant, but they were looking at me intently.

"I can feel you psycho-analyzing me with your eyes." I said, sending them an exasperated look.

"Just trying to figure out if you'll be able to act normal in about... 15 minutes?" I rolled my eyes, flipping them off.

"I've been lying to Luke for most of my life. I'll be fine." I said. Jordan quirked an eyebrow but said nothing as we clambered into the backseat of the Uber.

But it would turn out that he would not be asking us any questions at all. Because as we entered the townhouse, Luke was inconsolable on the ground, and Cate was convulsing next to Andre. Jordan and I rushed to Cate's side, trying to see what caused the seizure. And then, the house disappeared.