Uyangijabulisa

chapter twenty-eight

Flash backs come and go but they don't form part of a whole, not enough for me to make sense of the past four months of my life anyway.

There are a few things that I have come to realise.

One, Scelo is dead and I killed him. The revelation comes to me when I locate my gun in my safe, the memory of the last time I held it coming to me in full force. The entire episode had rendered me weak in the knees, coming to terms with having killed my best man and why I had to do it was surprisingly a lot.

Two, the person who has shot me is someone close. I still can't see their face for some odd reason despite the numerous times the flashback comes to mind. The only reason I know it's someone close is because they managed to bypass all my security codes without alarming me, and only someone close can do that.

Lastly, I was clearly in love with the beautiful lady from the hospital, the first person I saw when I opened my eyes. I couldn't keep her off my mind, and with the amount of times one particular flashback of me between her thighs and her screaming my name repeated, I was also getting frustrated.

To distract myself from those thoughts, mainly because I can't do anything about them but be hot and bothered, I came to my office. Here, I let the CCTV footage of her house play in the background while I power on my personal computer for the first time ever since returning from the hospital.

I put in the password and wait for the screen to load up. My breath hitches when I see who is on the wallpaper. A smiling brightly Rorisang is staring back at me, her smooth skin looking golden under direct sunlight of when the picture was taken.

A folder on the desktop distracts me from admiring the gorgeous beaut in front of me, the name of the folder intriguing me enough to double click on it to see what's up. There's a word document inside and once I open it, all the information there is to know about her is written on there. From her full name to her favourite colour, and as I read on, a growing headache starts pounding against my skull.

And then, as if it were a Timelapse, all the memories from the commotion at the taxi rank to Tony pointing a gun at me flood through my mind, all jumbled up and too much to handle.

I fall to my knees when the pressure against my skull increases. A loud groan leaves my mouth as I clutch onto my head, trying but failing to stop the flashbacks. As my head goes through the motions, so does my emotions.

Anger, fear, worry but above all else, love, for the woman that came into my life and made me want to change and become a better man. The same woman who had broken down when she realised I couldn't remember anything concerning us, the same woman who was willing to spend time with me just so I could recover my memories. The same woman I'd kill, die and live for.

The image of her crying as I drove her back home is the last thing I see before everything turns black.

•••

I feel someone shaking me awake.

My eyes open and I instantly feel the headache ramming against my skull. My vision is blurry for a for a few seconds before I can make out her face.

"Rorisang?" I question, unsure. I then remember that I asked to meet up with her today. "What are you doing here?"

"Let's get you off the floor first. Are you okay?" she asks, looking very concerned. It warms my heart seeing her here, my heart aching a little when I remember the last time she was here.

"I remember everything. You, us, everything," is my response, staring up at her with hope that things will be better for us now. I saw how she looked at me at the hospital, she still very much loves me.

"You do?" Her eyes are filling up with tears as she stares back at me.

"Everything. Your organisation freak personality, your love for sweet things. Your ability to make my day shine just a little brighter. How much I love you, how much I know you love me too. The snores when you sleep while looking up. How much you love cuddling, and spoiling me with my favourite food. Your crazy obsession with classical jazz music, and how much I hate it but still listen to it because you love it. Your passion to get us to a healthy place before we tie our souls for life, before we bring kids to this earth. How much it hurt you to find out I'm a gangster, who kills people when it's necessary. How much it hurt when you left me. All of it," I say.

I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't her jumping into my arms and kissing me until I felt lightheaded. It takes me a few seconds to catch up, but when I do, I press her closer to me, not wanting to be apart from her any second longer as I kiss her back just as feverishly.

"I missed you," she says when we pull apart, the tears that had been falling on my face while we were kissing still falling down her cheeks. I reach up and wipe them for her, bringing her face closer so I could kiss the tears away.

"I missed you too baby, so damn much. Promise me you're coming back to me, I swear I cannot do this life thing without you," I say, hoping she'd say yes because the month apart? That was unbearable.

"I'm coming back and never leaving you again, unless it's death that's pulling me apart from you," she says, smiling sweetly at me. I stare into her brown eyes, marvelling at her presence right here in my house, our house, and I couldn't believe my luck.

"I love you motho wak'," I say and quickly steal a kiss.

"I love you too. But tell me why there's CCTV footage of my house in your office," she says in a serious voice and I immediately go mute.

Busted.