Recently I admitted something to a few of my friends that I almost wasn't ready to admit. But it just felt right, I felt like the world was mine and I had absolutely no worries other than camp and my summer homework.
So I said it
See a few of you might know that I'm scared to see other people with little to no clothes on and I'm also sacred to be around more than one person with little to no clothes on.
This was caused by just a few words said to my by another girl while we were at band camp, yes I said band camp now quit quoting that dumb movie already.
You see at band camp there is one shower house with two doors and you have to guess which one is for your gender, usually everyone chooses correctly and there's no mishaps. Then once you get into your part of the shower house there is a long hallway with small square showers lining it.
Once you pick out a shower and get in you are sure to realize that the curtain isn't very big and doesn't fully hide you from prying eyes, so if your like me you extend it as far is it will go and make sure you are tucked away behind it at all times so no one sees you. This sort of wish for privacy was respected quite well by everyone in the shower house and it was up to you as to how you wanted to show off or hide your body.
Of course not all people in this world are kind and respectful.
So one day in the midst of our week we were spending at the camp I was showering at about nine o clock with many of the other girls. At this time I was trying to shave my legs so I had pulled the curtain to cover me as I leant against one of the walls of my little shower cubicle and then allowed people walking past to see whichever leg I was shaving propped up against the opposite wall.
Now this is a horrible position to try and shave your legs in not only because it is very vulnerable, but because you have the possibility of falling and injuring yourself.
Unfortunately I did not slip and fall
Another girl by the name of hailee was walking by at this exact moment that I had chosen to shave my legs.
Now I'll take a quick brake from my story to tell you that this girl had already expressed that she was bisexual and had made it painfully clear that I was one of the many unfortunate band members she had set her eyes on.
And continuing with my story is like to say that I don't know how she knew it was me in that shower, maybe it was my humming of the song 'teen idle' or the color of nail polish on my toes. Or maybe she didn't know it was me at all. But none the less she decided to stop at my exact shower
and pull the curtain back.
Now those of you who know me probably think I shrieked and covered myself immediately.
But no
I stood there like a fucking deer in the headlights and stared back at her owlishly. She looked over me a few times with a big smirk on her face and dimly said
"Nice tits hon"
Then walked off without pulling my curtain back into place.
I scrambled for my curtain and pulled it so it covered as much of my shower cube as possible and began to cry.
Now I don't know why I cried, maybe because the first person to see me naked since I was a child was a girl older than me by a year who I didn't like in the slightest and she said a comment to me that if a man said it to a woman he would be considered the scum of the earth. But none the less I cried under the shower stream for a short period of time before shorting it off and slowly and shakily dragging my clothes into my shower cube and putting them on.
When I stepped out my good friend Tori was waiting there for me. The look on her face said she saw it all go down, and she didn't need to say sorry like most people would have. She just gave me a look that I couldn't describe in a thousand words and wiped a few tears that were still escaping down my cheeks from my earlier sobbing fest in the shower.
I also don't know why that whole scenario affected me so much. Maybe it's because I have no gender preference when it comes to love and those words coming from that girls mouth meant the same if they were to come from a boy or an adult or anyone for that matter.
So I just got scared
And I still get scared
Because what if I offend someone by looking at their body? What if I say the wrong thing?
I'm terrified even more of what people will say about my body though.
And there you have it, the reason behind I always tell people to "please put some more clothes on" and shield my eyes.
And maybe it doesn't make sense but it's the story and if it doesn't make sense then you'll just have to accept that.
