Starbound

Chapter 11: Lia Starlitt

At school one day, I couldn't help but notice he was acting a little different. He seemed more irritable and distant. Ever since we started dating, I've been sitting with him in study hall, but he didn't arrive at study hall right away one day so I sat down across from Atlas.
"Welcome back," Atlas said in a subtle snobby tone. "It's good to have you."
"You'd sit with Rueben instead of me if he had this study hall," I told her.
"You don't know that," she replied.
I sighed and fidgeted with my necklace.
"Where is he?" Atlas asked me.
"I don't know," I said, not looking at her.
"I'm not the biggest fan of you dating him, Lia."
"I know you aren't."
"Don't you know what he used to do when he was in 6th grade?"
"No.."
"He used to set up his phone in a stall in the girl's bathroom. He'd record girls."
"You're lying.."
"No I'm not! I swear on my life."
I twirled my hair around my finger nervously. I didn't know what to believe. I don't think Kurtis would do such a thing, but I didn't know him back then. I had no clue what he used to be like. But I really didn't want to believe it.
Finally, Kurtis walked in and he sat down in his seat.
"See ya," Atlas said to me, looking at her phone.
I stood up and walked over to Kurtis. I sat down across from him. I didn't have to think twice about leaving Atlas for him. All she ever does is make me second-guess my decisions and make me feel like an idiot.
When I sat down across from Kurtis, I couldn't help but feel a shift in energy from him. I also noticed a change in his physical appearance. His hair looked a little shorter and his bangs were cut shorter. His eyes looked a little sunken and tired, and his lips were pale.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"Nothing," he said, not even looking at me.
"You look tired."
"I am."
"Did something happen?"
He sighed. "I had these kittens that I was taking care of, and they got killed yesterday."
I gasped. "Oh, my.."
"My mom bought this dog and it killed all but one of the kittens."
"That's horrible.." I uttered. "I'm so sorry."
"It's just.. life," he mumbled.
Even though I still felt drawn to him, I felt a small snag in my feelings after what Atlas told me. I wanted to bring it up to him, but I didn't want to make him even more upset. I decided to wait. Something about the way he spoke and the way he presented himself was very off putting and made me a little nervous. He just seemed so unhappy and not himself. I knew he was upset about the kittens, but I could tell something else was going on inside of his mind. All I wanted to do was help him, but he wouldn't open up, and I wasn't sure if I knew how to get him to open up. I knew that we'd only been dating for a few days, but my urge to help him was stronger than ever.
"Your hair," I said. "It's shorter."
"Estelle cut it," said Kurtis. "She made it too choppy. I know."
"I thought she did a good job," I said.
"Yeah," he said in a careless, almost angry tone.
I was taken aback by his tone. He must've been able to tell.
"I'm sorry," he said after sighing. "My mom has been seeing a guy."
"Oh.. is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked.
"Bad," said Kurtis. "The guy she's been seeing is Gary Brooks."
I put my hand up to my mouth. "Tate's dad..?"
"Mhm," he replied. "Gary Brooks has been cheating on his wife and has been seeing my mom."
"Does Tate know?" I questioned.
"I don't know," he said. "He hasn't said anything to me about it, so I'm guessing not."
"Oh wow.." I mumbled. "Kurtis.. if you ever need to talk to me, you know you can. I'm always here for you."
He nodded his head and finally made eye contact with me. "Thank you," he said.
"Of course," I said to him.
I wanted him to feel like he was comfortable around me. I wanted him to feel like he can tell me anything. I don't want him to keep things inside, I want to make him feel better whenever he's upset.

Foods class is chaotic to say the least. I'm in the kitchen beside Kurtis' kitchen. In Kurtis' kitchen group was Tate Brooks, Boo Shuhrat, Aaron Muller, and Estelle Lemaire. Boo's mom, Mrs. Shuhrat, was the Foods teacher. She would walk around the room and watch every kitchen group carefully, making sure everyone was doing alright and that nobody was messing around. We were working with big kitchen knives so she was being extra watchful over us. I'd watch Kurtis' kitchen group from my kitchen. The people in his group definitely got on his nerves, and I could tell.
Aaron held the knife, watching Tate and Kurtis fight.
"The flour goes in first," Tate told Kurtis.
"You have to put the eggs in first," Kurtis argued.
"Why does it even matter?!" exclaimed Tate.
"I just don't feel like screwing this up!" replied Kurtis.
Tate growled and walked past Kurtis, shoulder-checking him hard enough that Kurtis almost stumbled over. Kurtis got mad and shoved Tate. Tate got shoved into Aaron. Blood soaked Tate's shirt. Everyone's eyes widened. Tate put his hand on his stomach and then looked at his fingers. His blood colored his fingertips red. Mrs Shuhrat rushed over.
"What happened?!" Mrs. Shuhrat exclaimed.
"Kurtis stabbed me!" Tate yelled, looking to Kurtis with furrowed eyebrows.
"No-no I didn't!" Kurtis stammered, obviously shaken and confused. I felt so bad.
"Tate, please go to the nurse now," said Mrs. Shuhrat. "And Kurtis, to the office."
"I didn't do anything!" protested Kurtis.
Tate glared at Kurtis before he walked out of the room. Kurtis shook his head, looked to me, and then walked out of the room as well. I felt utterly useless. I wanted so bad to follow Kurtis and tell him it wasn't his fault, but I couldn't. I had to stay behind in the classroom. I felt like everyone's eyes were on me because they knew Kurtis was my boyfriend. I know what happened. I was watching the whole time. Tate technically started it by shoulder-checking Kurtis hard enough that he almost fell over. Kurtis only shoved him out of self defense, I think. It wasn't like Kurtis meant to shove Tate into Aaron, who was holding the knife and facing them. Honestly, maybe it should've been Aaron's fault for being so careless with a knife. Maybe it could've even been my fault for not going over and calming Kurtis down before that happened. I just wanted it to be anyone else's fault other than Kurtis'. I knew he'd be punished. That's the last thing he needs going on in his life right now, a suspension from school. But that's what he got.
Tate ended up needing stitches to fix the stab wound on his lower stomach. Luckily it was only deep enough to penetrate skin and not one of his organs. I didn't get to see Kurtis at all for a whole week. He would barely even text me. Even though the texts I'd get from him seemed normal, I had this feeling his mental health was rapidly declining. I could feel the tension in his texts. He didn't need to say anything. My mind felt connected to his. I felt like I knew his emotions and his thoughts and his feelings at all times, without him having to say a word to indicate them.
Even though I couldn't see Kurtis and get a first-hand look at how he was doing, I had a small window I could look through, and that window's name was Estelle.
"How is he?" I asked Estelle in choir two days after Kurtis got suspended.
"Sad," she replied. "And stressed."
"I wish I could see him.."
"Our mom won't let him out of the house for anything. I tried to take him on a walk yesterday to clear his mind but our mom won't even let him do that."
"Has he always been so stressed out all the time?"
"No.." she uttered. "When he was younger, he was an outgoing kid. Don't you remember him when he was younger?"
"No.. I had no clue he existed until last year."
"Oh. Bummer. He was actually a really nice kid back then."
"What did he look like?" I asked.
Estelle got out her phone and searched on it for a moment. She showed me her screen, and on it was a picture of a small boy. A small boy with dark hair and loose curls, big blue eyes, freckles, and black-framed glasses. My brain felt like it opened, welcoming a light that hadn't shined since fourth grade.

When I was a little girl I used to sit by myself on the swings at recess. I didn't have very many friends back then. It was hard to make friends when you found it hard to speak a word to anyone. My teachers would get concerned about my quietness and tell my parents, but they would just tell my teachers that I was just a shy girl. I really fell behind socially. Everyone had their friend group and would stick to those friends, not very open to inviting new people. That meant I was left with nobody. Nobody would talk to me, and that's all I really wanted deep down. I knew the only way I'd gain a friend is if they'd talk to me first, and keep talking until I felt comfortable around them. That never happened, not until about sixth grade when I came out of my shell just enough to start a conversation with someone. But until sixth grade, I didn't have any friends. I started to feel like having a friend was impossible for me. I started to feel invisible, and I'd even wonder if people couldn't actually see me. That was the only logical reason to a nine year old, right? All of those thoughts were resolved one sunny day on the playground.
A small boy with dark hair and loose curls, big blue eyes, freckles, and black-framed glasses. He sat down on the swing next to me. Usually some kids would sit down on the swings next to me, but they'd never talk to me. I thought this would be the same situation, until the little boy said,
"Hi."
I looked to him. I listened to him rant about random things going on in his life. I chuckled as he accidentally hit himself in the face with a twig. I gazed upon his light-up sneakers. This kid alone had given me clarity. I now knew that I wasn't invisible and that other kids could see me. I felt like I fit in with the other kids while he was talking to me. They'd all hang out with their friends, and now I could too. Something about that small boy made me feel secure. He was a lot smaller than me and he mentioned how he was a grade below me, but I still felt protected. I wanted to hang out with him everyday at recess, but in order to do that, he needed to approach me everyday because I knew I'd be too afraid to approach him. So, the next day I sat back down on my swing and hoped that he'd come back. He didn't. I looked over at the play set and saw him running around with Cora Winslowe. Cora was never nice to me. Cora hated me for some reason. But the boy chose her over me. I later heard that they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I felt my emotions drain as I realized the boy would never return to the swing set to talk to me, and would instead spend his time with his girlfriend on the play set. It was an awful feeling, but I would never forget the day he made me feel included. People don't know how much that means to someone who is so used to being left out. Just a simple conversation can change a person's perspective on life itself. Ever since that day, I didn't feel so alienated compared to the rest of the kids. I felt like I belonged, just as much as any other kid belonged. I felt fulfilled.
I never realized that kid was Kurtis. Me and the kid never exchanged names. His looks had changed a lot since then so I never even connected that aspect, and I think Kurtis moving up a grade kinda threw me off because I knew the kid was a grade below me. Now I knew this was love I had to hold onto tightly, and I slowly realized that the day I found out that Kurtis was dating Cora, I experienced immense jealousy of her because it felt like she had stolen apart of my heart which left a gaping hole right in the middle of it.