Starbound

Chapter 18: Lia Starlitt

My mind likes to play tricks on me, I know it. I could be sitting in my own bedroom, surrounded by everything familiar, and then suddenly smell his scent. The deodorant he wore, the shampoo in his hair. I longed for him, something that I couldn't have, something I felt I needed but couldn't acquire. I wondered when he'd come back to me, and wondering without a singular hint almost made me go crazy. Any day now. Any minute, any second, my phone could light up with his message.
I honestly wasn't sure what to do with my life as I waited for him. I did a lot of sitting around, and a lot of thinking, and a lot of watching TV, wondering. I went to school and I saw him there, but he didn't talk to me much. He'd grin at me, just to tell me he was still wanting me, but that was about it. We'd talk in choir, not about much, though. His sister would smile at me and tell me he's getting closer. I'd smile back because that meant my lonely days were definitely numbered.

Thursday, I could tell things were getting better. He seemed happier, and he was talking to me more. Although he still wouldn't sit with me in study hall. He sat by himself and did his homework. Instead, someone else sat across from me. It was Tate. I sighed and looked right at him, irritated by his presence. I knew Kurtis would get so mad that Tate was sitting with me, but I think that's maybe what Tate wanted.
"Why aren't you and Kurtis together anymore?" Tate asked me.
I shrugged, looking to the side.
"Did you break up with him or did he break up with you?" he asked.
"..I don't know," I uttered, still not looking at him. My heart was pounding at the thought of Kurtis looking over and seeing me and Tate.
"How don't you know?" Tate asked.
"Just.. I don't know," I grumbled. Tate was really bad at reading emotions, so of course he didn't recognize my anger. He kept going.
"I bet you broke up with him," said Tate. "I don't blame you."
"No, Tate.." I uttered.
"You're too pretty to be with him," Tate said.
I looked at Tate with a disgusted face. "Tate, me and you are cousins."
"Okay? I didn't say anything," Tate mumbled, leaning back in his chair.
I shook my head and looked away from Tate again.
"Whatever. I'll talk to you later." Tate stood up and walked over to his friend, then sat down next to him. I watched him. I couldn't help but lock eyes on his friend. Chase Kennedy. A football and baseball player, his face perfect and his body just as beautiful. He was on the shorter side, but I knew he'd grow. I rested the side of his face on my hand and gazed upon him. He was a quiet boy, we've only spoken a few words to each other in our lives. He really only talked to his friends, not much girls. I knew he hated Kurtis. All of Tate's friends hated Kurtis except for Boo Shuhrat, but Boo Shuhrat was just a social butterfly and a people pleaser. I know I said that I didn't like the sporty type of guy, but Chase was honestly the only exception. I've always thought he was cute, but he never liked me back. He actually thinks I'm weird, and it's only gotten worse since I've gotten closer to Kurtis. My chances with Chase were very very low, they were probably close to none. I think he'd forever think I'm some weirdo, just because of who I decided to date. Sometimes that fact makes me wonder if my past decisions were good ones. Sure, I was happy with Kurtis and I thought he was so sweet and kind to me, but everybody started to look down on me once they found out I liked him. Atlas didn't talk to me much anymore. Lizzy started telling me about things people would say about me behind my back. I've been called weird many times. I've been asked what's wrong with me. I've been told that I'm not making the right decisions. As I was staring at Chase, he looked over to me. I looked away from him quickly, hoping he didn't see me looking at him. Chase wasn't a nice guy, and I knew that, but for some reason I didn't care much. He'd be nice to me, right? He'd open doors for me and treat me good, right? I looked over to Kurtis who was focused on his homework. Chase wasn't actually the best option for me. Who would I be without the stargazing? Who would I be without Kurtis? I couldn't help but get angry with myself. Really angry. How could I? Why did I think of actually getting with Chase Kennedy? Chase Kennedy wasn't the guy for me. He wasn't the guy for me at all. I'd never like him like that, Kurtis was my one and only. As soon as I thought I'd officially gotten over Chase, I saw him walk by right in front of me, and my heart skipped a beat. I could've cried. Why was I thinking such thoughts?

I tell Lizzy everything, so I told her about my internal conflict. We both stood in a bathroom stall, sixth period. We were there instead of being in English. I leaned against the stall wall, looking towards the stall door, tears in my eyes. Lizzy stood in front of me. I told her I needed to talk to her about something, yet I couldn't say anything. Nothing would come out of my mouth without tears coming along with it. Lizzy sighed and rubbed my shoulder. She was always so good at knowing what my face said when my mouth failed to express.
"It'll be alright," she told me softly.
"I'm so horrible.." I uttered shakily.
"No you're not.." Lizzy assured me. "What happened?"
"I told Kurtis I'd wait for him, but I've been kinda crushing on another guy, and I feel so horrible.."
"Lia.. it's alright. You can't control the way you feel."
"But I love Kurtis and I don't want our relationship to officially end.."
"It's not like you kissed another guy, right? You've just been thinking things, and that's alright. As long as you never act on those thoughts."
"Yeah.." I uttered, wiping off my eyes with my hands.
"Who's the guy?" asked Lizzy, leaning her shoulder against the door.
"..Chase Kennedy." It was very hard for me to admit, especially to her. I knew how she thought of Chase Kennedy.
"Oh, Lia.." said Lizzy. "Chase Kennedy is the worst guy on this planet."
"I can't help that I think he's cute, Lizzy.."
"I know, but trust me, he is such a jerk. His personality makes him ugly."
I was so upset. I was thinking of too many things, like Chase Kennedy, and Kurtis, and people's thoughts, and people's opinions.
"Kurtis hit me, Lizzy," I said.
Lizzy's face loosened and she looked at me with a shocked face. "He what?"
"He hit me, hard. Right across the head, just because he was mad."
"Oh my.." Lizzy backed up and leaned her back against the wall across from me.
"And I've been thinking weird thoughts ever since, like if Kurtis is really the right guy for me, or if he just needs love and work to make him better.."
"I don't know what to say, Lia.. I don't know Kurtis much personally, but he seems like a nice kid, I just think he's a little troubled."
"I know, and all I wanna do is help him with it."
"That's nice of you. I think you should at least try, I can tell you really love him."
I nodded and sniffled my nose. "Do you wanna go to town with me tomorrow?"
"I can't.. I'm going to the movies with Kolton."
I sighed and nodded. "Alright. That's fine."
"I'm sorry, Lia.."
"It's okay, Lizzy. It's really okay."
Lizzy sighed as I walked out of the stall. Lizzy started dating Kolton not long ago, and they've been doing a lot with each other ever since, making it hard to do anything outside of school with Lizzy anymore. I felt lonely but it was okay. When Kurtis came back to me, I'd have him. Nothing would matter because I'd be his and he'd be mine. We'd hang out everyday after school and we'd make promises. We'd get used to each other like a married couple does. We'll have to because we will be together until we are old, and that's when we will pass and then continue being together in heaven. These days that Kurtis spends apart from me are just a small speck in our timeline together, like an ant on the earth. You can't see an ant from outer space, so that meant these dreadful days are like nothing, just a minor speed bump in a never ending highway.

The next night when I was laying in my bed, still wishing things were different, I got a text on my phone. I looked at it and saw Kurtis' name. I immediately clicked on it. I smiled when I read his text. I knew he'd come back for me, I knew I wasn't going to be thrown away. True love comes in the form of hope and beliefs, a simple text from that one person that can make or break everything.