Shattered

Chapter 4

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  I'm wide awake. I'm wide awake. I got to go to school. I got to.

This gravity is working overtime, I swear. As soon as I stand up and I want to fall back to the bed immediately. I still stand up and go to the bathroom. I wash my face.

I have to do my makeup today extra well. I hope I'll get an opportunity to talk to Theo.

Before leaving the house I grab a protein bar and run out because I'm going to be late again.

I open the door and I see him. I. SEE. HIM.

  "Hi!!!" I shouted little bit louder than I
should've.

  "Oh, hey."
  "Are you always this late?"

  "No, I usually get to school 30 minutes before the lessons start."

  "So, why are you late today?"

  "It's my mom, she felt really sick. I couldn't leave without taking care of her first."

  "Mhm."

  "And you? Why did you leave your house this late?"

  "Just me being me, you know," I laughed slightly but got no reaction, that was awkward. "I am not a really punctual person. You'll just have to deal with that."

  "Will? You are planning our future without asking me first now, huh?"

   I finally saw him smiling. He seems to be a very put-together person, quite the opposite of me. But you know what they say, opposites attract each other.

  "You could give me your number, and I'll definitely consult with you about that matter."
That was slick as fuck, what can I say.

  "Oh, yeah, sure. Give me your phone and I'll write it in."

   I gave him my phone, our hands slightly touched, and I realized how touch-deprived I am. I would kiss him right now, right here if I could, but I can't.

  "Thanks! See you later, babe!" I said that and ran aways immediately.

What the fuck did I just say. Why the fuck I just said that. I called him "babe"? Bitch, you are so fucking dumb.

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  I'm walking out of my maths class, that motherfucker Jordan is trying to talk to me again. When is he going to take the hint that I don't want to talk to him or see him, honestly.

  "Damn, that top looks extra good on you," he said.

  "Bro, just shut up!"

  "But I'm serious, you look really beautiful—and sexy, obviously."

  "Mhm."

  "Just take the compliment."

  "Thanks, Jordan, my one and only sweetheart, honey, blah blah blah." I roll my eyes. Just as those words have come out of my mouth, I see Theo just standing in the corner with his friends, he looks confused.

Oh shit, I hope he didn't hear what have I just said and if he did. I hope he doesn't think I was being for real.

  "Hey," I said to him.

  "Um, hi..."

  Oh no, OH NO, he sounds annoyed? I don't know, maybe sad? He is so hard to read.

  I am ready to walk past him, but then I decide I want to give him a handshake. I step back and give him my hand. He looks me up and down, looks at his friend, that one with the glasses, then he scrunches his eyebrows a bit and finally gives me a handshake. I smile, awkwardly, and walk away.

That was a BAD IDEA. At least now he can't hide me from his friends and pretend I don't exist.

  I know it's childish, I'm hopeless romantic, but I feel our connection.

People in this school, some outside of it, see me as this heartless hoe, like I'm walking around making out with every guy in my sight. I'm not all that. I do believe in love, despite the popular believe.

I don't make out with everybody, it's just that every guy I meet only sees my body. It feels like they are udressing me with their eyes, imagining different scenarios in their minds, all while having a simple, humane conversation with me.

I have never had a boyfriend, only situationships and talking stages. Anytime I'd start getting closer with a guy on a personal level, he would start asking for nudes. Like, shut up. It's all too difficult and complicated, I just want to feel loved.

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