Shattered

Chapter 8

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    "Are you alright," Theo asked as we were walking home.

  "Yes, I'm fine."

  "Sorry for being annoying, but are you sure? It didn't seem like that at the party."

  "I'm better now. It's just that...amm... I've been trying to change. Honestly, I've been wanting to be someone else for the longest time, but it's difficult to change who you are."

  "Can you explain?"

  "I don't even know how. I don't even understand my own feelings. I could try but I need time to think now."

  "Okay."

  We walk in silence for a few minutes. Weirdly enough, I feel comfortable. I feel so free and safe. I feel protected from the world, not afraid of anything happening to me.

  I finally speak up, "I've always felt objectified. I know most women and girls feel this way, but I— I don't know. Amm... Since my early childhood all my mom cared about was my looks. She was and is my number one bully, she was so brutal with her word but always defended her self by saying, she only wants the best for me. When I started middle school, she started waking up early and doing my makeup before school, because in her eyes this world ONLY revolves around look and they are the only thing that makes you truly happy. She didn't even care about my grades. I can't recall a time when she asked me about them." I take a deep breath. "I must admit that made me an attention seeker. I wanted those compliments, that attention because I wanted to feel loved by my mother. I wanted to make her proud of me. I started going out with every guy that wanted me. I loved their attention. I started putting boys over my friends. I went on more dates than I went out with my friends. But recently I really reconnected with my older sister. I talked all my feelings out to her every single evening for three months. I learned a lot from her too. She became my inspiration. She's strong, confident and doesn't give a shit about what people think of her. She moves through life like a buldozer. She is pretty and she knows it, she doesn't need anyone to reaffirm it to her. She doesn't need a reason to wear sexy clothes. She does what she wants and looks cool while doing it. I don't want to let anyone walk over me in this life just because I'm insecure and vulnerable."

  "Ohh it seems you had difficult time growing up and now. I honestly don't know how to respond. I'm honoured that you decided to share your feelings with me. I know you will achieve everything you want and I'll be with you if you need any support."

  He wipes off my tears and looks me in the eyes. He smiles. His smile make me smile. It warms my heart so much. He kissed my forehead again and hugs me.

  I whisper in his ear, "Thank you."

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  We reached his house. Mine is a little bit further.

  "You should go home. It's really cold outside and it's late. I can walk home by myself," I told him.

  "No way! You're kidding me? I will walk you home."

  "No need. I swear."

  "No, I can't let you walk alone at night. Or maybe you want to stay? Sorry, if this is a lot. But my mom and sister aren't home. I could make you the bed in our guest room."

  "Amm.. Really?"

  "Yes."

  "If you're okay with that, then I'm too."

  "Then let's go."

  We walk to the door, he reaches to his pocket and finds the keys. He unlocks the door. I walk in.

  "Wow," I said. His house is so clean and cozy. It is decorated with those millennial home decor items. There a portrait on the wall by the door saying "welcome to our house". I can definitely say that this house is loved. "It's so beautiful here."

  "All thanks to my mom. She's a decor freak. I tell her it's becoming an addiction. Wait 'till you see my room, it's a complete mess compared to this."

  "hahaha."

  We walk up the stairs and he leads me to his room. I enter and entirely clean bedroom.

  "You kidding me!?" I shouted.

  "What?"

  "This is what you call a mess?"

  "Yes, I guess. Look, there's books everywhere," he pointed at the almost neatly put books on his table.

"And look," he pointed at a few pens and pencil on his windowsill."

"Theo, if your mom is a decor freak, then you're a neat freak." I laughed.

"I can be whatever you tell me to be."

  This was so cheesy but I freaked out, smilled, blushed and turned into a tomato. He stared laughing.

   I sat on his bed and looked around.

  "What do you do on your free time?" I came up with a question.

  "Either I turn on some music and doze out or I paint."

  "You paint???"

  "Yes, I do. I've been painting since I was a little child, it has always helped me to calm down. Whenever I am stressed or just had a bad day, I paint."

  "Please, can you show me some of your paintings," I put my palms together and looked at him with my puppy eyes. He laughed, that means I looked ridiculous. Whatever. 

  He opened his closed and brought some painting out.

  "Here," he said and gave them to me.

  I started inspecting them. One painting in particular caught my eye. It was a purple sunset. It might be basic but I'm a sucker for those type of paintings. I lifted that painting up and said, "This one is fucking gorgeous."

  "Really? I don't know. It's pretty basic and boring."

  "Well boring and basic things can still be pretty. I love purple so much."

  "Funny. I actually HATE purple. I guess that's why I don't like that paint."

  "You hate purple??"

  "Yes. I like blue a lot though."

  "I also like pink."

  "Pink is okay."

  "You know what they say, opposites attract."

  "That's true."

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