The Foiled Plan (War of Sins Book 2)

Rafaelo

'No one else,' I agree. 'You need to understand one thing, Noelle,' I tell her in a serious voice. 'I would never betray you. I would never betray my wedding vows. But most of all, I would never touch a woman who is not you.'

Not only do I condemn cheating for the scourge that it is, but I could never look at another woman the way I look at her. She has a unique effect on my mind and body. Even when I hated her, she was all I could think about—fantasize about.

There's something intangible about her that drew me in from the beginning. It's in the way the entire room seems to shrink when we're together; to the point I see only her. It's in her blushes and her small sighs, or the way her eyes twinkle when she looks at me not in hate, but in not-hate.

My skin tingles from her mere touch, a spark that starts at the surface of my skin and worms its way inside until it reaches my heart, making it squeeze tightly in my chest.

And then there's her music that has the power to soothe me—truly soothe me. The only time my monsters go into hiding is when I hear her play—that melody of hers that has the power to put together my fragmented soul.

There's something utterly magnetic about her presence, and sometimes I wonder if the drugs haven't addled my brain. If they haven't screwed my perception of the world to such a degree that I now see fairytales instead of reality. Because only then would I imagine happily ever afters when I look at her.

I've seen the worst the world has to offer. Yet one moment with her and I find hope again.

She gives me hope.

'I'm a one woman man, Noelle,' I wink at her.

If there's one good thing my parents taught me it's that real love exists. They may not have been the best people, but they truly loved each other in a way I've rarely seen in our world. They showed me that there's something beautiful out there—something worth pursuing and holding out for. I may have been pretending to be something I was not during my teenage years, but the truth is, if I'd been inclined to, my father could have easily found someone to sleep with me—regardless of my perceived disability. He certainly tried to entice me to do it, finding different opportunities to put me on the spot in his attempt to make me become a man.

I didn't want to. Call it idiotic or naïve, but even back then I knew I was waiting for something more. For the act to mean something with someone I prized above all. I've never thought myself a great romantic, but looking back on my life, maybe I've been one all along. I couldn't imagine sharing myself with someone I wasn't in love with. Someone who didn't make my body hum with electricity, awakening each and every cell and making every atom with relief at her presence.

That's exactly what Noelle makes me feel.

And it fucking terrifies me.

She wets her lips, peering at me through her lashes and I don't think the sight of her like this will ever cease to affect me. She's too beautiful and too pure for this world, and the thought that I hurt her before cuts me on the inside.

I'd been so wrapped up in everything at the ball that I hadn't realized my carelessness and stupid jealousy were causing her harm. I'd been a fucking idiot and I almost lost her because of that, especially now that I've barely gained some ground with her. After all the pain I've caused her, I know it won't be easy to gain her trust and her forgiveness. And she's right to hold it against me.

Just thinking of the dark room and her tear-streaked face, the way I'd hurt her...

There's no excuse for anything I did to her. And I'll be damned if I know how to fix it.