Do you know what it's like? To lose all contril. to let it all go, to scream and yell, living in your own personal hell do you know how it feels to push away everyone you love, to try and keep calm, fists bruised, holes in walls.. my own mom scared with wide eyes... have you ever seen your mom cry from fear,A desolate sound I never wished to hear, have you ever fought a fucking battle in your head? The fucking emotions, it's blue and red... to cry to yourself every night before bed, to waking up in the morning just wishing... no, hoping you were dead. to hearing your own dad say he wishes you werent his. to go off because of the littlest things. see, when I was younger I was told that I wasn't normal. I didn't quite understand... I was 12, I was told I couldn't go to sleep over. I remember yelling and screaming, fists and wrists bleeding, needing my mother, but she wasnt there. going to her room, she was quivering with fear. scared, these things like diseases, they eat you up, feed off of you. anger and depression, suffering from psychological repression, all these fancy terms to relieve the tension, do you know what it's like to not be in control of your own body, saying things you don't mean in acts of sheer folly, Going off on christmas because you obviously weren't jolly. This desolate, depression, drugged up on mood stabilizers. 100mg, 200mg, 300mg, 400.... The dosage is never right for me, destroying notebooks when a pen wouldn't write for me... having everyone I love leave, because of this thing... just enough control never get physical, to snap of my brother and almost belittle him, when i'm supposed to take care of him. it's like fire and ice, I yell then I cry, i know it's not right, but it's so hard to fight. i'm losing control, and also my mind. I know not where to go... but in the end I must choose the right road..
