The way we used to be

Chapter 7 / Welcome home

"I'm home, mother!" Thorfinn smiled brightly, standing with open arms in front of Helga, who stood in the doorway with a dumbfounded expression on her face. It didn't last long, however, as she looked out past the boy—the boy that wasn't hers—and watched her Thorfinn come marching up the hill with a furious look on his face.

"Bug eyes!"

The Thorfinn standing in front of Helga was the boy who normally didn't go by his given name, but he had said it would be fun to pretend to be Helga's son just because they shared the same first name. Thorfinn hadn't agreed, but when he and Leif had their backs turned, he had run up the hill and done it anyway.

Helga's eyes softened at the sight of her boy, and he smiled even as he pulled at the other boy's hair to get him to step away from his mother. She could swear that Thorfinn had grown a little, and his complexion had gotten a little darker, and his hair had grown longer, but he was still most certainly her boy.

"It's not funny!"

"Cmon, what's the harm? Youre such a stick in the mud sometimes, Thorfinn."

The boys argued in the snow, but Thorfinn's next reply was muffled when his mother pulled him into an embrace. His first instinct was to hug her back quickly and step back in embarrassment; after all, Bug eyes were right there, but his mother was so warm, and she smelled like home. He couldn't move away from her, so he buried his face in the fabric of her clothes as his arms went around her as far as they could.

"Thorfinn, welcome home." Helga greeted him, her voice shaking, and Thorfinn feared that she was crying. Again, she felt very bad about having gone in the first place and also about wanting to go again. His arms tightened, and he breathed her in for just a moment longer before he heard the snow crunch with the weight of someone stepping out of the house.

"Thorfinn, you're back. We've missed you, little buddy."

"Only when it came to chores."

"Ylva..."

Thorfinn stepped back and looked past his mother, where Ari and Ylva stood. Ylva's words were harsh, but her brother knew her well, and he could see on her face that she was happy to have him back.

Ari hurried out and patted Thorfinn on the head, grinning widely, showing where he was missing a tooth, which he missed when the man who killed Thors also punched Ari in the mouth. "How was it? Did you like seeing the world a little?"

"And are you ready to settle down?"

Thorfinn ignored Ylva's question, feeling shame well up in him. He looked down at his snow-covered boots and muttered a reply to Ari, "It was fine."

"Great! Now, uh, who's this?" Ari's grin wavered as he pointed a finger at the other blonde boy, curiously watching the family reunion. He was smiling, but Thorfinn couldn't help but wonder if Bug Eyes was actually jealous that Thorfinn got to have a big family waiting at home for him.

"I'm Thorfinn," he introduced himself, "but just call me Bug Eyes."

"Huh? Thorfinn? Uh, okay..."

"Oh!" Helga began to laugh, drawing everyone's reaction back to her. "I see, so that's why." She finally figured out why the boy had run up, knocking on her door and pretending to be her son. "Are you friends?"

"Sort of" Bug eyes replied before Thorfinn could and gave him a triumphant grin. "I'm Leif's son."

"I didn't know that Leif had a son so young."

"It's a new thing," he shrugged and then shivered as a breeze blew by. Despite the days he had spent in Greenland, he had spent most of his life in Denmark, where it was warmer, so he was still trying to get used to the cold he would be living on on Leif's farm in Greenland.

"Oh, it's much too cold to talk out here. Why don't we all head inside, and then, Thorfinn, you can tell us everything about your journey?"


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"You know, it wouldn't have hurt Leif to give someone a few coins to cut this hair of yours; it's become a mess." Ylva groaned as she brushed through Thorfinn's wet hair. She was always the one who cut his hair, ever since he was little. Their father's hands had been too large to be precise, and although their mother could, her hands could be unsteady if she was not feeling well, so Ylva had taken it upon herself to do it since she was old enough to handle scissors.

"There's nothing wrong with my hair..."

"It doesn't suit you at all. With your face shape, you should keep the hair above the chin, got it?"

Thorfinn grumbled a reply, and Ylva began to chop away at the hair, the sound repeating itself again and again as he felt his head become lighter.

The two of them didn't say much to each other after that. They had been closer once, and Thorfinn had loved her so much, even if she could be annoying as her older siblings often were, but something had happened after their father died. Ylva got married, and Thorfinn knew it was because she felt like she had to, and Thorfinn withdrew from all of them. But they still loved each other, and Thorfinn knew that Ylva also wanted him to stay home—it wasn't just because of chores.

"What are you thinking about?" Ylva asked, not stopping what she was doing, and Thorfinn hesitated to answer.

"I want to go again."

This time, Ylva did stop, and it was not because she was done. He heard her sigh behind him, and he did not dare turn around to see her face.

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Did you like it out there? Did you make other friends except that Bug Eyes boy?"

"Just one, but that's not why." Thorfinn briefly thought of the girl he had agreed to be friends with. He wouldn't be able to see her again if he wasn't allowed to go with Leif, but he hadn't even thought of that, and it was not what made him want to leave, and Ylva knew that too; she could hear it in his voice.

"Why won't you just let it go, Thorfinn?" Ylva asked him. She was annoyed, or maybe she was angry with him. Ylva knew what Thorfinn wanted, and Thorfinn didn't understand how Ylva couldn't agree. She might've been angry at their father sometimes and called him strange, but he knew that she had loved him as much as he had.

"Because I hate him!" Thorfinn turned around and said, "He killed our father, and Ari and the guys said he did so even after our father won! I'll kill him for that!" As Thorfinn shouted about it, remembering what Ari and the other young men finally told him after he asked them to tell him repeatedly for weeks, he felt tears well up in his eyes. "It won't ever be the same, and it's his fault."

"But father was going to war; if it wasn't this man, then another might've done it. Would you shout about killing him as well?"

"Don't defend him, Ylva! I don't get why you don't understand."

"I'm not defending anyone; I'm just being realistic. Youre still too young to get it."

"It's not realistic! It was—"

"Enough, you two."

Thorfinn froze while Ylva turned calmly towards their mother. She had entered without either of them realizing it. She was looking at Thorfinn with a look in her eyes that forced Thorfinn to look away. She looked sad and disappointed as well.

She walked closer to him and brushed some hair out of Thorfinn's face. It was shorter now, but Ylva wasn't finished.

"Your father would have never wanted you to avenge him, Thorfinn," his mother, who arguably knew his father best, told him, and he knew that he should listen, that he should let it go, as everyone dear to him wanted him to do, but he couldn't. He couldn't let go of his anger, and worse than his anger was his grief.

"But I still have to..."

Helga hoped that Thorfinn would never meet the man who killed his father; he would pick a fight he could not win, and she would lose two dear people to the same man. If her husband could be tricked and lose his life to a mere Viking, then her son would lose as well. Helga had often gone through Thor's belongings after his death; she knew that Thorfinn had taken his dagger, the only weapon in that chest that was small enough for Thorfinn to wield. He planned to use his father's weapon to kill his father's killer.

She closed her eyes tightly, placing her hand on Thorfinn's cheek, wiping away tears that she was not sure he knew he had shed.

"I hoped you would forget about it on your travels with Leif, that leaving this village and the memories it holds of your father would make you happier again, but I also let you go because I feared that you would find your own way to leave this place. I still fear that, and I still want to hope that you will find a different purpose in life."

"Mother, you can't really—"

"So I will let you go again, as you wish to do."

This was not the way Thorfinn had wanted his mother to learn of his wishes. He would have asked her calmly, a bit ashamed but kindly, but instead she had heard him yell at his sister, telling her that she didn't understand.

"I'm sorry"

Helga didn't shake her head at his apology; she didn't say that it was alright or that he shouldn't apologize; she simply stroked his cheek again before letting go and turning toward Ylva. "Now," she smiled as if her son had not just broken her heart again; Thorfinn knew that he had. "Shall I leave you to finish cutting his hair?"


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"I told him if you allowed it, I would bring him with me again, and so you have?" Leif spoke with Helga long after all the others had gone to sleep. He had come to visit after he was done on the ship and scolded his son for playing a stupid prank. Now she had allowed them both to stay the night.

"Yes, I believe it's what's best for him, though I wish he could find peace here."

"Aye," Leif nodded and folded his arms over his chest, his heart feeling heavy. "But, there have been a few changes; it did do him good," he told Helga, smiling as he remembered the way Thorfinn had been when he first stepped aboard his ship, in contrast to how he had been once he stepped off of it. "For example, when I first brought him to Greenland, he was rather nasty to the daughter of one of my friends, but when we returned, they got along quite well; she  told me before we left that they had "become friends."

Helga smiled, recalling how, before their conversation turned sour, Thorfinn had admitted to Ylva that he had made another friend. For other children, that would be normal, but not for Thorfinn. He had never been especially good at getting along with those his own age, but it had gotten worse. Luckily,  now, with what Leif said, it sounded like it was getting better again.

"I think she will be good for him," Leif continued. "She's feisty and outspoken, not scared off by his harsh attitude, and I've seen her bring out the child in him, so I will make sure to bring him back to her."

Helga nodded, feeling lucky to have a friend like Leif who understood her son's needs more than his wants.

"After winter ends, then..."

"Yes, after winter ends."