Living in Non-Existence

Ch.8 And we Spun

Those three weeks made me question who I actually was. An immature infantile girl who's parents dominated her life or an independent stubborn young woman who was falling head first for a boy she had barely met.

I hadn't noticed that I was falling for Marc until I was already lying on the floor looking up into his dazzling smile. The smile that could replace my sun and stars, the smile that taught me everything about himself.

Everything about him was planned. Unlike me, he had decided what he wanted to do. What college to go to, what career to have, later on whether he would have a family. Everything.

I woke up to a short rap at my window. Half a curtain was open showing a clearly dashing curly haired blonde with too wide a smile for- I looked to the other side of my bed- six: thirty in the morning.

Not even trying to fix my hair as he could clearly see me through the curtains I crawled out of my covers, slightly tripping as I slipped on them on the floor. My pajama shirt reaching just below my underwear, my hair a tangled brown mess all over my head and down my back.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, yawning widely so Marc saw the inconvenience of his timing.

"Morning, gorgeous," he smiled brightly, pulling me against his body, arms winding around me. The plastic crunch startled me as I turned to see what else was pressed against me. "I got you these," he said with his goofy look on his face. Marc presented the sunflowers that had momentarily been plastered to my body; my favorite.

My green eyes filled with tears, it was too early for him to start this already. God, were my emotions ever in check around him?

Correct answer: no.

The thing is, Marc didn't know what I had gone through my whole life. He could feel bad for everything I told him but he wasn't there. He did, however, know that little things like this always drove me over the edge. No one did things like this for me.

But he did, he was slowly chipping away at the stone around my heart.

"Marc! No!" I laughed pushing the flowers back to him, "you don't have to do this!" My legs were growing weak, I could slowly feel them begin to shake.

"But I wanted to," he took my hands in his, placing the flowers in my arms. "Now put them in some water because they'll die." He motioned for me to go inside. Grabbing his hand I led him in.

He was somewhat cautious walking around as I bolted to the kitchen to find a vase. Victory! I celebrated as I not only found a vase, but a gorgeous one to put on the counter in front of the shining sun. Perfect!

Turning around I saw Marc making his way into the kitchen, his eyes lingering on the barren white walls. I liked the solidarity of them, they were almost as invisible as me, nothing spectacular to look at or remember.

"You need some pictures," he looked into my eyes as I hopped onto the counter.

"Or I could just leave them like that and when I leave I can leave the renters imagining who I am. They can turn it into a game," I said starting to become giddy, "maybe they'll think I'm an actress, or a rich widow! Ooh, better yet, they could think that the man that owns this is a rich Wall Street guy and I'm his mistress that he brings along for the ride, if you know what I mean," my eyebrows bouncing on my face as Marc laughed.

"And if they don't wonder?" He asked standing directly in front of me.

"Then I am an enigma, so lost to them and to the world that there is no thought spared for me," I said it plainly because I knew it was true. I was forgettable.

Almost as if he could read my mind, Marc stepped closer. His stomach pressed against my knees, his hand gently lifting my chin to look at him. He did this every time he thought I needed it, which was often, and it worked beyond his imagination.

The butterflies fluttered like a storm to come, my head swirled round and round, every nerve in my body bursting into life. I was alive, with this hands against me, I was captured and yet I was free.

"Every one of my thoughts are of you," Marc said, his brown eyes climbing into my soul. "Every thought," he repeated again, his breath closer to me. His lips brushed mine gently, "every last one," he mumbled against them, as my arms wrapped around his neck.

I felt my cheeks grow red, burning with embarrassment as I realized we were in my kitchen, on the counter, me in a relatively short shirt and underwear while he was fully dressed, kissing. Every part of my body that Marc touched was burning alive; we both felt it, the undeniable tug for more but he shot away from me. His back pressing against the fridge as I jumped off the counter and scampered to my room.

"I'll be out in a sec," I screamed out the door. I heard a faint chuckle, continuing to change.

Walking out I expected to see him in the same spot I had left him, the refrigerator door. Instead, he was standing directly in front of the glass doors in the living room, looking at the beach.

Catching him off guard, I walked quietly until I was behind him and wrapped my arms around his perfect solid abs. "Like what you see?" I asked obviously knowing the answer. He turned around, smiling, "only when I'm looking at you," he said.

Oops- guess I didn't know the answer.

"You're too cute for your own good, Marc Collins," I grinned. My arms wrapped around his neck, his around my waist.

The sun skipped in the sky as our lips met.

We spun.

At least, that's what it felt like. No, not like the normal earth's rotation spinning, nothing that slow. This spinning was like the dizzying crazy spin of a lit up child carousel, the kind kids could never stop going on.

Maybe it was the combination of music, lights, and the constant spin of animals, the noise of the people passing. When you were on that carousel, everything seemed to fade and it was just you and the wind.

That's what it was kissing Marc. An endless spin of only us. Marc was a carousel I would never want to leave and he had no idea.

Slowly, like a snail walking across the leaves of plants, I felt my heart crumble, my skin warm up, and my mind wander. I knew this is what being in love was like even though I had never felt it before.

And suddenly, I realized why so many people yearned for it. For the burning in your heart and mind and the sensitivity in your whole being. It was because all of it, the falling, the feeling, the fading away from the world was miraculous. It makes you feel special even when you thought you were irrelevant.