A pure Soul

11.

The last thing he felt was him ascending.

Was this it? Could he finally stop his fight and join his mother once again and this time for eternity?

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT

Stay safe!

POV. Jimin

As I woke up, I found myself in a every color swallowing darkness, a comforting silence was spread around me and I was at least for a single minute filled with peace.

Finally I  was dead... 

But just a few moments later my eyes adjusted enough to the darkness, for e to understand that I found myself lying in the same bedroom on the same comfortable bed, I had woken up before. I felt like I was about to suffocate as the comforting feeling of peace slowly faded away. 

I wasn't dead, this nightmare isn't over...

I felt as if I was finally broken, every last will to live has been crushed together with my hopes and dreams to finally live a normal life, the one mother always wished for me to live. A life full happiness and love. She always said I deserve the same amount of love, if not more than everyone else... But I am not so sure about it anymore... 

Why does the universe hate me? What have I done to deserve all of this? 

Without realizing it, tears started to flow out of my eyes and down my cheeks little sobs escaped my mouth every few seconds, breathing became increasingly harder and my whole body was trembling uncontrollably. It felt like an eternity, until my body listened to me once again, not fully but at least enough to finally stand up, my knees were still shaking and the desire to lie back down, grew with every step I took. With the last bit of energy that was still in my body I carried my broken body over to the cabinet which had a big mirror attached to it. 

I was shocked when I looked into the mirror, the face I hated the most in the whole world, has become even uglier, I didn't think it was possible... The person staring back at me with his red and puffy eyes, imitates my every movement emotionless. Different colored bruises ornament his face, his hair was chaotic and single strands of hair dangle in front of his eyes. As I carefully pull my sweater up, he copies my action. As my bare skin is shown, I get hit by a strong nauseous feeling, I have seen my body bruised so many times already, but bruises of this extend, I have never had. Not a single spot was seen, which still had my original skin color, every part of my body was colored in different shades of blue and purple. Another silent tear dropped down my cheek and landed just a second later on the carpet. (A/N I hope it isn't too confusingly written, but Jimin is in third person, about his mirror image. So he is still alone in the room. I thought I should clarify... Okay I will now let you read in peace once again. Sorry ^-^)

I am sorry, mother... I tried my best I fought so long. But I am tried! Forgive me...

 My gaze wanders around the room and lands on the big expansive looking curtains. I walk over and I pull on them, first very weak increasing the intensity in small portions until I assured that they could hold my complete body weight. I tie a special knot I have learned for this exact moment. I had tied it once already back at my fathers house, but back then I was to afraid, I couldn't bring myself to end it, back then I still had a glimmer of hope. I pause and search for this lost hope, why did even you leave me. I can't be angry or sad about this loose, it was already really incredible, that I was able to keep this last spark burning with hope for this long, considering what my life looked like the last years. 

A bit proud I examine my finished knot, I only have to put my head through the sling and then it will all be over pretty soon. I open the window and put my head carefully through the loose. I sit down on the edge of the window. One small movement to the front and my body will lose the ability to breath oxygen, a smile appears on my burst lips. 

I let myself fall to the front and my throat is laced up, my survival instincts kick in immediately and I begin to struggle my hands try to loosen the curtains, in an attempt to find the ground my legs kick through the air. My body cries for help and even though I don't want to live anymore, the situation I was in was even worse than I could ever imagine. My empty lungs burned, crying for oxygen and I knew it shouldn't be long till they finally collapsed, turning me into an empty corpse. It felt like painful hours, till my eyes rolled back, leaving me unconscious. 

Please accept my apology mother, I wasn't strong enough... I am an awful son...

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901 words

I feel awful writing this stuff thinking about Jimin. I mean he is our cutie, sexy, lovely!

Today it is a shorter chapter, because I had big troubles writing this. I hope you still enjoy it.

Have an awesome day or night!

Yours Leylalou