A pure Soul

5.

POV. Jimin

My hands were numb, my skin was white as snow and my hair was messy, soon after I bolted, a big dark cloud was my companion, first only single drops of water hit the empty streets, but the rain got stronger and stronger. My clothes were soaking wet and I was shivering on my whole body, when I finally reached our doorstep. My small fingers fished for my door keys in my bags, when I finally found them my small body finally, acted out of euphoria. I Opened the door and ran inside as fast as my legs could carry me. I carelessly let the door fall in the lock, behind me before I realized, what I had done. Please let him be already asleep... I begged to every god and goddess, that could possibly hear my begging. It seemed like my prayer was heard, when there were no steps to be heard. In fact the only noises that were echoing through the hallway, were snores of my father. I put my shoes next to the door before I, as quietly as possible sneak trough the living room. 

As I looked around I could see the man I feared the most, my so called father... He was lying on the couch, wearing a t-shirt, which had become way to small for him, his belly was fully shown and his jeans wasn't buttoned up. The small desk in front of the couch was fully occupied by empty cans of beer and other alcoholic drinks, most of them were pretty strong like vodka or bourbon. I resisted the urge to gag, while confronted with this picture. I speed walked into the kitchen and but the groceries into the assigned shelves as well as the alcohol inside the fridge, remembering very well what had happened the last time he had forgotten the as his father calls it "Most important part of his job", I couldn't really walk for weeks, because of all the bruises, cuts and broken bones. Of course I still had to do the grocery shopping, my condition wasn't any excuse for my father. I had deserved this punishment, for being irresponsible and a disgrace of a son. 

I shuddered at the memory, how could my loving father turn into the monster he is today? I have a few single memories of when my mother was still alive and I was just and ordinary boy with a loving and supporting family. This is all my fault... If it wasn't for me my mother would still be alive. Without me noticing tears rolled down my cheeks and I once again began to shiver. The guilt was unbearable! I saw once again the pictures of my mothers lifeless body flashing in front of my eyes, I hold my breath to not let a single sound out of my mouth and quickly run towards my room, and as soon as I close the door behind me I couldn't contain my sobs anymore. I slid down the door and was now nothing more than a sobbing mess. I sat there crying till my eyes felt dry, I didn't want to get up, knowing very well that as soon as I lie in bed and sleep the same exact miserable day, would begin again...

When I gained enough strength I, slowly got up my legs were shaking and I had a hard time to keep my balance, which lead me to use the walls to support my fragile and small body. I made my way towards the bathroom.

Now I stand there looking with disgust at the mirror... "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who should end it all?"As I look at the fragile boy, my mirror shows me I only nod you are right mirror. I smile weakly, while opening the drawer and taking out a razor. I place it at my throat. Just one little cut, then it's over... Coward! I scream in my head, as I place the razor down on my arm and start cutting through my skin, with every cut I scream in my head another word. COWARD, UGLY, USELESS, MURDERER, the list went on until my whole left forearm was drowning in blood. It burned extremely but in some way it gave me freedom and statisfaction. I took a hand full of tissues and returned to my room carefully covering up all the still bleeding cuts. 

I lay down, cover my scarred body and close my eyes hoping for myself to not wake up again.

The world would be a better place if  you weren't living in it, is the last thing I hear my inner voice say before I fall into a deep slumber.

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780 words 

I feel so bad to write about Jimin, thinking about himself in this way, because he is such a sweet little angle. 

Have an awesome day or night!