Finally Meant (Book 5 of Series)

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Khi

Never again. I'll never fuck him again. I wouldn't care if he begged me.

I warned him he wasn't ready, but he insisted. Still, I went against my better judgement. I recognized he wasn't prepared, but because I loved him, because I was curious about how he felt inside. I wanted to be his first. Although, it was incredible, mind-blowing and even mystic. It wasn't the right time.

I should eat, but I lack an appetite. The food smells good but I don't want it. What I have an appetite for, I can't have.

I lay in his shirt and briefs, curled up on the couch. The tv is watching me more than I it. So I turn it off, and listen to music instead. Jhene knows how I feel.

🎵 I don't need you,
I don't need you
I don't need you,
I don't need you
But I want you
I don't mean to,
I don't mean to
I don't mean to,
I don't mean to
But I love you🎵

I sing that part over and over. It would be better to take a walk or call a friend. No, I torture myself with sad songs, hammering the words into my brain. I do need him, though.

🎵I should of never let you in🎵

No, I shouldn't have. But it's not like I even had a choice, it was my stupid heart. I wish I could just rip it out, and toss it into some deep part of the ocean, like Old Rose did on the Titanic. I stare at the phone on the coffee table, I want to call him again, for like the one-hundredth time. I reread his last text, over and over again.

Cario: I'll grab it...and you know I love you too Khi
I love you soooo damn much

Does he? He walked away from me twice, within 36 hours. Can you walk away from love?

It's been six days since I've felt his lips against mine, his hands all over me, and heard him say "I love you." I sit up and pull the small trash can to me. My mouth waters and my stomach cramps, as I gag over the trash can. I needed a shower, and to make an appointment with my barber. "Fuck it." I lay back down on the couch.

My body was numb, freezing. There was a blanket, just below my feet, but I don't bother to pull it over myself.

I lay in a fetal position, pulling my arms into the shirt and my knees to my chest. This feels slightly warmer.

The broken mirror pieces still lay scattered across the floor. I haven't cleaned a single thing since he left, for fear I'll have to accept he's gone. Everything left as is, proves he was here.

**********

Max

"Nae and Erin, I need you both at your absolute best tonight, pull out all the tricks."

"When are we not?" Nae rolled her eyes.

"Last week when you got so sloppy drunk, you gave out five free dances."

She closed her mouth. "Oh,"

"Yeah. So close them botched up lips." I glare at her. "I'm not the enemy here. I was put in charge because I'm the best at what I do. So, you all will be the best at what you do. If trained underneath me and you take in every single thing I teach you, you cannot fail." I clap my hands together. "Make these niggas and females feel like you care, but don't. The goal is the money." I hold up a crisp one hundred dollar bill. "If they don't speak mula, kindly show them the deuces and dip."

All the dancers exit the dressing room. I take a few deep breaths and step out into the club. "Tied of raising you bitches, I don't get paid enough." I massaged my temples. It takes no time to spot Cario and he was with some guys. I perk up, looking for my boo, but he's not here. I walk over to Cario. "Hey, where's Khi?"