Love's diagnosis

Chapter 3

I rubbed my head as I sat outside Chloes room, planted on the ground. The shift was long and we hadn't even had the chance to eat yet. In truth, I could've handled her seizure a little better. Alright, a lot better. I froze for a moment, stunned from what was happening. I snapped out of it, but far too late as Dr. Harrington noticed and his disappointed face told me everything I needed to hear. My ankles felt tense from all the standing and I couldn't help but feel chills crawling up my spine as a not-so-happy Dr. Harrington came rushing out from Chloe's room. 

"Why didn't you page me immediately? You know the rules and you know how to do the job. You can't freeze when there's a patient that needs help.." He yelled at me a bunch more, earning some looks from people walking past us. His words melted into one and I could only hear my heartbeat in my ears as he continued to yell at me. 

"Do you get what I'm saying?" He asked, confusion painted all over his face. My breath hitched. 

"I know I did wrong, I'm sorry. It... It won't happen again. Am I free to leave now?" I asked, not wanting to stand here humiliated a second longer. His eyes watched me for what felt like an eternity before he nodded, turning back to enter Chloes room. I escaped as quickly as I could. 

---

My fork punched into my salad whilst I groaned, also I thinking about my first shift here. Was I going to be labeled as the girl who froze? Kai laughed, earning a small punch from Anja. He complained before Anja rolled her eyes at him. 

"What's bothering you girl?" She asked, moving her chair towards mine. 

"I just got the biggest lecture ever by some smart-ass young attending. I froze on the spot, I froze!" I said, a thump sound loud from my fork against my food box. 

"You know, I also froze today at the ER. It's nothing like working with dolls. The panic and adrenaline can practically be smelled from afar." Kai said, stretching before leaning back in his chair. 

"But you know what they say, just keep swimming, just keep swimming." Kai added, earning him laughs from both me and Anja. 

"There's no way you just quoted Disney?" Anja asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"Of course I have. Don't you get inspired by Disney?" 

"Huh, maybe we're not meant to be surgeons after all..." I added, all of us bursting into laughter. Surprisingly, I didn't feel as bad as I did before. Maybe I could survive this if we all felt the same way about it. Chris and Lexie sat at our table and I could tell off of Lexie's mood that she, unlike me, had not gotten the biggest lecture from our handsome british boss. 

"He's so humble, and the way his arms strain his coat is just- ugh!" Lexie said, taking a sip of her drink. 

"He even showed me some different suture methods, and trust me when I tell you the tension is there." She added and I couldn't help but scoff lightly. It was far from the truth, but something told me Lexie was a tad bit delusional. But it seems to have been working for her, she's got into one of the most prestige colleges and intern programs in the country. 

Anja rolled her eyes, before glancing at me. Is she for real? I smiled her way, trying to contain myself. 

"I'm sorry you got yelled at Chelsea, but at least he yelled at you with that british accent! That counts for something." She said, confidence evident in her voice. No way she brushed off the whole incident because of his accent. 

"I don't think it does, but thanks..." I said. 

"We aren't supposed to have romantic relations with our superiors, remember?" Anja asked Lexie, but Lexie only shrugged her off. 

"Well most people don't follow it anyway, trust me. My mom and dad have told me about how their coworkers date around inside of hospital walls." Christopher added, eating from a rather fancy lunch box. Opening the box, he continued. "Besides, sometimes you need to do stuff for... Achievements."

"So you're what you're saying is... you're going to sleep with Dr. Henderson?" I joked. 

"Damn, I didn't know you were gay dude!" Kai added, the table giggling. Chris rolled his eyes. 

"I didn't say that and I'm not. I just meant-" Chris was interrupted as Dr. Harrington, the one and only mood slayer stood by our table. He held no food, but he did hold Chloes folder. He glanced at me and Lexie. 

"Chloe's results are back, and there's no evident cause to her seizures. It looks like she's a harder case to crack. Which ever one of you comes with the cause for the seizures, gets to assist me in the surgery. You've got the rest of your shift to figure it out." He said, I could feel his gaze on me but I felt shame from our previous conversation, so I kept my gaze on my lunch box. 

He probably hated me more than he hated Lexie, as annoying as she might be at times, she isn't a bad doctor. I know I can do more, I just wasn't ready. I felt him leave the table and Lexie rushed to follow him, probably to ask him for more information. I sighed. 

"Girl, go now. Not that I don't like Lexie but go get that surgery!" Anja said. 

"I don't know, he'll probably pick her anyway. He hates me." 

"He doesn't hate you, you need to prove to him that you've got what it takes and that the mistake you made was a small mishap." Anja stated, practically pushing me away from the table along with my stuff. 

"I hate you." 

"Hate you too! Now go to the archives and get that surgery." She said sternly. Kai gave me thumbs up and Chris smiled my way. 

---

The archives was filled with books about seizures and epilepsi but none of the causes matched Chloes symptomes. I had to dig deeper, to find more. But there was also more work to do, including help Mr. Johnson with som post-op scans. As I was walking through to hallway, headed towards the room Mr. Johnson was assigned to, I heard my name being shouted and footsteps. I turned around to see Dr. Harrington. 

"Dr. Lawson, I've been meaning to talk to you." He said, breathing a tad faster than usual. I gulped. Was I going to be yelled at again?

"Yes Dr. Harrington?" I asked. He rubbed the back of his neck before moving closer. 

"I apologize for my outburst. I'm aware it's your first day and having to deal with that must've not been something you expected. I've been rather stressed and I'm sorry for taking it out on you. You are more than capable of taking care of Chloe." He said, and I couldn't help but believe he was sincere. He looked guilty, vulnerable. I couldn't help but feel a burst of happiness in my heart. I was good enough, I could take care of her.

"I understand. I shouldn't have froze in the moment, and I can definitely do better." I said, and he smiled. 

"I know you can, and please don't feel as if you can't speak to me or notice me because of my rudeness." He said, his neck bending down slightly to look me in my eyes. I sighed, knowing what he implied. I couldn't even look him in the eyes as he spoke to me and Lexie at the lunch table. 

"I know, it was unfair of me. It's just-" I looked away, before continuing. "I felt ashamed for how I handled it, for not being good enough. It scared me to perform so badly infront of you, I thought you hated me." 

"I don't hate you. Not at all, and you're good enough. But you better get to work so you can prove my suspicions. " He said, glancing at his pager. I nodded, earning a wink from him before he ran off. A strange feeling crept up my face, but I brushed it off as I went to Mr. Johnson.