Once Again

Chapter 4

Bentley

Emory and I were talking again, and I was glad that we moved past the awkward Moment from the party. If Aria hadn't thrown up on our shoes, I honestly don't know what would have happened. I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same though, and with everything going on right now, I'm not ready for that kind of rejection. It was nice just sitting and talking with someone or spending time and it did not matter. Things felt easier with her, something about her just made me feel so comfortable. I really wanted to tell her about everything going on, but after last time, I was a bit apprehensive. It wasn't her fault, she kept her promise and didn't say anything, but if I hadn't told her, Aria wouldn't have found out and used it to her advantage. Maybe I'd tell her eventually, but for now, i had to keep it to myself. So instead We were just wasting time together, and neither of us had to think about other things going on in our lives. She did seem to try and push for me to make up with Aria, but I was able to get her to drop it.

I know it's not fair to blame her, but I needed someone to blame and right now it was easy to just lump it all together on her. She did hurt me too after all. It was weird avoiding her though. Not eating lunch with all of our friends, just so I didn't have to talk to her. Sitting on the opposite side of the classroom so I didn't have to risk getting partnered with her, I was creating more work for myself, and it only made me mad at her more. It probably wasn't healthy, but with all the effort I put into trying to avoid her, I didn't have to think about what was going on at home. Emory had asked me though if I'd forgive her eventually, and I honestly didn't know. She was my best friend, and she intentionally hurt me to get her way. Right now I had to think about weather or not I wanted her in my life still. Maybe I would forgive her, but I don't know if our friendship would ever be the same again.

When i walked inside today, I could already hear my parents arguing. Deciding that I didn't want to deal with it, I just headed up to my room. Dropping my bag on the floor, I laid down on the bean bag next to my bed, sighing. I felt so lost, I didn't know what to do. My parents marriage was most likely over, although technically I guess they weren't legally married in the first place, and My siblings either hated me or were just as angry and confused as I was. Even though it was my fathers choices that led to this, it felt like it was all my fault. I was hurt and I lashed out at my mother and now everyone was hurt. Honestly I couldn't tell if my mother was more disappointed that I kept it a secret from her for months or that I had thrown it in her face the way I did. Most likely she was disappointed in me for both, and truthfully, so was I. I felt like I didn't even know my slef anymore. Did I really cuase all of this because I thought a girl I had a crush on betrayed me?

My brothers and sister couldn't understand the choices I had made either. I didn't blame them for hating me, however it did feel a bit unfair that none of them were mad at dad. It made me wonder if they really knew what was going on, or if all they knew, was that mom and dad were fighting a lot now because of something I said. Had I been selfish to not want to be the only one to know my father's secret. Was it really that wrong of me to no longer keep quiet and pretend as if everything didn't feel upside down?

As I was laying there though, a thought occured to me. Maybe not all my siblings were dealing with this. I had an older brother and sister, that probably didn't know about any of it. I highly doubt that my father told his other family about his double life. I mean, why would he, what would be the purpose of having two angry wife's. Maybe that's why he did it in the first place, if something happened to one family, he'd have a back up family in the wings waiting. That made me wonder Wich family he preferred more. Did he like Kade and Kacey more then he like Ray, Olivia, Oscar, and I? Or was it the other way around. I think back to all the Holliday where he showed up later in the day, claimed to have caught an early flight home. When I reality he had spent the mornings of those holidays with his other family. However there were also holidays where he had to leave for a business emergency in the middle of the day, so it was hard to tell who he favored more. Could he have really cared for us equally?