Taylor's POV
I think it's pretty well known that I like to be in control in all aspects of my life, including sex. That's one thing my ex-boyfriends used to hate. I couldn't help it though, anytime I would try to let them lead or set the pace, I ended either crying half way through or walking out. They hated it when I cried.
If I wanted to do a deep dive, I would say I was never comfortable around them when it came to just dating so that uncomfortableness would definitely transfer to the intimate part of our relationship too.
With Travis it's kinda of different. We've been together for about 6 months now and have only slept together like twice. It's not like I don't enjoy it, i definitely do, in ways that terrify me. He's not threatened by me wanting to set the pace by any means. It confuses me so much because I know he's a dominant person, I see it everyday. But when we get intimate he becomes softer, and for some reason I don't want him to be. That's what scares me.
I wanted to bring this up to him but wasn't really sure how, so I called Blake, she's basically like my 3rd mom. " Hey Taylor what's up" I took a deep breath, we've obviously talked about these kind of things before but never to this extent. " I need help, but you have to promise not to judge, ok?" " Ok...is everything ok with you and Trav, did something happen?" " I mean kinda but nothing bad I swear. So you know how I have had uhm...issues about giving up control in the bedroom?" Blake nodded here head, I could tell she didn't really have any idea of where this is going. " Well in the 2 times we have slept together each time he makes me feel like I'm gonna lose control and I-I don't think I like it. It makes me feel like I'm powerless and I'm gonna do something and mess it all up, I know he won't hurt me or do anything I don't like, but my mind brings me back to my last relationships where they weren't careful and didn't ask how I wanted it." Blake took a deep breath before speaking. " Tay first can you answer this for me?"
I slowly nodded my head. " How does Travis react when you take control, like the first time?" " He was fine with it, he let me set the pace, allowed me to.... I guess the right word would be maneuver him into where I wanted him" "That's good Tay, First off I love that you have someone that doesn't mind it, but second off, I say tell him. Tell him exactly how you feel, kind of explain you last experiences and how they weren't the most loving situations, and how you want to try it. He is not going to look at you any different and honestly it probably will give some answers, because despite him being comfortable with you leading, he might feel like you don't trust him." " I-I think I can do that, I don't want to make him upset..." " Tay I promise you won't, now I'm assuming he's at practice so gather your thoughts and talk to him when he gets home, and you call me tomorrow to tell me how it goes, ok?. " Ok, Bye Blake, Love you" .
After that I hung up the phone and immediately started freaking out about what I was going to say. I decided to do the thing I do best when I'm stressed.
Bake.
Ive been baking for the past 3 hours and have made 6 different things. The perks of this house is that Trav installed 2 ovens! Speaking of Trav he should be home pretty-. " Tay baby, I'm home". I was trying to figure out a subtle way to bring this up, but once again, my brain wasn't catching that drift. "Hi Travvy, can we talk. It's not bad I promise, I just need to get this off my chest and again I promise it's not bad and I- I'm rambling sorry..." Travis by then end of my ramble was arms length away. He pulled me into him while rubbing my back. " Tay take a deep breath baby. Let's go sit on the couch and you can tell me what's running through that pretty mind of yours."
Sitting. That will calm me down... I mean I hope.
Travis sat first then pulled me into him so I was cuddled up into him. " So baby what going on in that mind of yours". I was trying to figure out the best way to phrase this, but my brain decided to burst out the worst thing possible. " I'm sorry for being bad at sex." Travis just looked at me. Just kinda blank, that did not calm my nerves. "Please say something..." " Tay, what do you mean bad at sex and where did this come from."
