Help Me!!!!!!

The world?

Have you ever felt like the world is at odds with you and how you see it? Ever feel lost? Join the club. I feel like that every single day. I wonder what I'm doing here? I think maybe it would be better for everyone if I wasn't. I imagine being in a tv show because even though it's fake they make life look so damn easy. And then I wake up and realize that it's just me and I'm broken and I push away those who care for me most. I've made so many mistakes in my life that I doubt I've ever been normal. From being raped as a kid to being abused as an adult. From being married twice to having 2 of the most beautiful kids in the world. I still struggle everyday to reconcile the real me with the me I want to be. I want to be a normal wife that dont get jealous because my husband dont ask me to ride with him in his truck. I want to be the one that doesn't wake up with horrible thoughts in her head everyday. I want o get up and love going to work and not grumble about it. But we all know that there are things we can't control no matter how much we want to. And then there are the things we can. If work is being a pain, find something to make it better or find the problem and get rid of it. If you wake up with bad thoughts, stop and think of all the good things you have going for you. Sometimes you have to be your own champion. You have to do you. You have to fix you even though some days it's so hard all you want to do is go to sleep and not wake up. But you cant do that. You have a husband that depends on you even if he doesn't realize how much. You have family and kids that need you to be there with them to get them thru the bad times. You are not alone and if you choose to then you can let them into your life,  let them know how you feel. Open up, share with someone. Don't let it go past the point of no return . Stop living in a tv show and start living life. You only get one so make the best of it. Other people opinions are like assholes, they all have one and it's usually talking shit. Don't worry about them. Do what makes you happy. Stop delving into the deepest parts of your depression and start living life, because those who you think actually care, dont. Those who you think  have the perfect life with no worries probably have worries or problems worse than yours, they just don't know how to deal with it the right way. Find a hobby, something to take your mind off things and help you work thru it