Human. || phan

Chapter 2

Heyy. I guess I should start with a thank you to everybody who voted and commented on the last chapter, ily. I really didn't think anybody would like it so it was a nice surprise. I'm not too happy with this chapter, but meh. Trigger warnings for homophobia and use of violence. Hope you like it. 

Sitting calm had never been as hard of a task as it felt now. Dan watched as Phil spoke, his voice deeper than it sounded like on the camera. 

"This is why the proffesion of a youtuber is suitable for lazy people," Phil laughed in the micraphone. "You can film videos right from your bed and you don't even have to be prepared in most times."

"However, it's not all fun and games, you also have to work hard and be entertaining, because there are new people coming around very often. I don't know why I'm still popular, to be quite fair," he chuckled.

Dan had to surpress an urge to scream. Phil didn't know why he was still popular? Maybe it was because he was the most kind hearted and helpful soul ever created? Maybe because he actualy cared about his viewers? Maybe because he always came up with orginal content instead of stealing ideas from somebody else? Dan felt like he could go on forever. Phil not knowing how incredible and special he was made Dan feel almost sick.

"I guess that's it," the boy on the stage smiled at the audience of mostly bored teenagers. "Does anybody have any questions?"

Few hands shot up. This was it, this was Dan's chance to finally interact with the boy who meant so much to him, but for some reason he had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Just thinking of speaking up infront of this many people plus having the most important person in Dan's life hearing him made his palms sweat. No way he could do that, he would just make a fool out of himself.

Dan felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. Why couldn't he just be normal? Why couldn't he take the chances and not care what people thought about him? Why couldn't he just make himself happy?

"Is it necessary for a youtuber to be hot?" a girl that Dan recognized from his english class spoke up, after Phil had pointed at her raised arm.

Phil laughed.

"Not really, or else I wouldn't really be where I am. But of course, putting on clean clothes and brushing your hair before filming wouldn't hurt."

All of Dan's anger at himself disappeared at Phil's words. Did he really think he wasn't beautiful? Phil was the most beautiful creature Dan had ever laid eyes on. His gorgeous black hair, his striking blue eyes... Dan had even cut his hair similar as Phil, only it didn't look nearly as good on him as it looked on the boy he adored. Dan felt like Phil was a fallen angel who was sent to the earth just to make mortals cry about his beauty.

"Any more questions?" Phil asked, brushing his hand through his messy hair. 

When nobody raised their arms he smiled and thanked everybody for coming, and placed the mic back in its stand. Then he left the stage, after giving a little wave to the audience. Kids started filling out of the room and Dan followed them, no matter how hard he wanted to stay. These past fourty minutes of Phil talking, laughing and just existing felt like the happiest minutes of Dan's life. He just had to meet Phil now. It couldn't be too impossible since the school wasn't very big and he couldn't have gone too far from the assembly.

Dan saw the school's headmistress standing next to the exit and he decided to ask her if she knew where Phil was. The brown haired boy could feel anxiety blooming in his stomach. Having to start a conversation with an older person- or any person at all- wasn't something Dan ever did voluntarily.

"Um, excuse me Mrs. but do you know where the boy who just spoke is?"

"Why?" she turned to face him, glancing at Dan with distrusting eyes.

"I was just wondering if I could meet him," he stuttered a bit. People being harsh to him always made Dan feel like he was being puched in the stomach.

"No," she scolded. "I'm sure Philip wouldn't appreciate a nosy kid bothering him after just giving a speech to a full room of them."

"Please Mrs. He has helped me so much and I'd like to say thank you in person," Dan begged, feeling hopeless. It was almost like the earth under him was crumbling and swallowing him whole.

"You should've spoken up in the assembly then," her tone was bored and cold. "Go to your class, Daniel."

Dan wished he was brave enough to speak up, to beg some more, but he couldn't. He already felt like throwing up, his palms sweating and vision shaking. He knew he shouldn't make a big deal of this. He should be grateful for getting a chance to see Phil in real life, for being in the same room as him. Besides, what would Dan even say to him? You can't just go up to a person that has never seen you before and thank them for existing. But still, he couldn't help being disappointed and incredibly hurt.

Dan started walking down the hallway to his next classroom. He didn't feel ready to face it with tears in his eyes and his chest heaving. He didn't want for people to laugh at him and he didn't want people to think he was weak.

Dan loathed his anxiety. It was the reason he couldn't speak up when Phil had given everybody a chance to.  It was the reason he was constantly afraid and felt like he couldn't live his life fully. It was the reason why he couldn't take all the chances life threw at him. He hated it so much.

"Hey, faggot," Dan heard a yell behind him. He turned around and saw Oliver standing in the empty hallway with a smirk on his face.

"Are you upset you couldn't get to see your little boyfriend?"

Dan turned back and kept walking, hoping Oliver would leave him alone if he din't give the boy any attention.

"But wait he isn't your boyfriend, you just want him to be," Oliver laughed maniacally. "I bet he's not even a faggot. I bet he would be disgusted at the sight of you."

Dan was still walking, his tears incredibly close to spilling. He knew Oliver wasn't right, that Phil was appreciative of his both gay and straight viewers, but his words still hurt.

Suddenly Oliver's hands were on Dan's shoulders, pushing him in the nearest wall. Now the words weren't the only thing that hurt.

"Do you like jack off to his videos?" Oliver asked disgusted and threw a punch in Dan's face. 

"Faggots like you are so disgusting." 

After punching Dan in the stomach Oliver turned around and walked in the classroom to which Dan had been heading. No way he could go in there now. Dan felt something warm dripping on his lips  and after carefully touching it with one finger he realized it was blood. 

Dan started moving towards the closest bathroom, ignoring the fact that every step hurt as hell. He felt so miserable and humiliated, Oliver's words still repeating in his mind.

The bathroom was empty and Dan thanked god for that. He turned the tap of the too white sink, watching water spill out. He shoved his entire face under the faucet, not even caring about his hair and the collar of his shirt getting wet. Dan watched as the water slowly turned red, washing the blood of his face. He wished all of his troubles and worries would go away with it.

After making sure his face was clean, Dan sat on the floor and leaned his head back to the cold tile wall. He closed his eyes and watched as the colours behind his eylids changed from black to red, to purple and blue. It was peaceful and calm, almost like the world had stopped spinning and he was just a little piece floating in the middle of enormous galaxies. Ignoring his life and thoughts, even just for a second,  felt nice. A little part of Dan's brain wondered if he had a contusion which would explain his thoughts being so slow and clouded, but he ignored it. If this was what contusion felt like he never wanted to get better.

"Hey, are you okay?" a loud and surprised voice disturbed the silence and made Dan's eyes shoot open. He turned to tell the stranger he was fine and to leave him alone, but just one look at his face made Dan freeze.

It was Phil.

Such an unexpected plot twist amirite. But yeah, if you liked it please vote and comment, it means a lot. See ya next Sunday.