In This Life (Ivar Lothbrok)

Chapter 2: Dream Man

They say dreams are reality modified. They say you dream what you most desire. Apparently, in the clouds of unconsciousness and peaceful rest, the choices are infinite and utterly yours. Hidden yearnings shape what shows before your eyelids, or more like, inside your brain. That is the romantic, hopeful explanation of dreams. It doesn't seem to be true at all, at least not for you. Bullshit. If this were the case, why would you crave someone you have never met? Every night, gorgeous blue orbs, only for your enjoyment. Or better yet, why would your nights be plagued with someone you just noticed for the first time? Ivar Lothbrok. He has been in your class since the beginning of the semester, and you just became aware of it. To believe that want him is a joke. Then why is he so, softly looking at you right now, and you instantly melt.

This time, you're not in bed, lazing around in a lover's embrace. Today it's a meadow with greens all over the place. Pretty, small, yellow flowers bloom all around you. The weather is nice- more than nice, it promises sun and warmth. As good as it all is, you're not lying in the greenery, you sit with your back on the bark of a tree. The breeze plays with your hair and right next to you is your lover. You don't look at him, you just know he is there. It's impossible not to feel him, connected, like a string sprouting from your heart. At first, you're calm. You've lived his scenario multiple times before. These precious dreams where the most important thing in life is him. It's surprising, really, that he's with you tonight. More often than not, there are breaks between fantasies. But he's here right now, and you're not complaining. Why would you?

With a hand on your cheek, tenderly, a callous hand traces the path to your chin, and you look up. You are unsure if it has always been him who accompanied you, but Ivar Lothbrok gazes at you with so much amazement and love worthy of a lifetime. It has happened before- it must have. It can't be just a dream. Why do you feel this way if it's only in your head? Unlike other times, you're aware that this might be a fantasy. During previous dreams, you're trapped in a loop of old actions, and memories. You don't know it's all in a modern, centuries-later head. Tonight, you know you're dreaming, it's a fantasy, and you don't care. It feels too real, too perfect, not even the fact that your mystery man has turned into your classmate is enough to deter you. This is meant to be, and you know it. And this time, you have the power to say something. You open your mouth, perhaps to ask a question, maybe to express your love. You shall never know because then you wake up.

It's a mess, really, to discover (once you've gained your bearings) that you can't get him out of your head. What is precisely the meaning of your dreams? Not only the last one, but the ones before then. In the beginning, you used to think it was purely your imagination, but it can't be. It feels too real for that to be the only explanation. Why does your heart feel like breaking and solidifying everything you wake up? As if you're missing something. No, that beautiful love isn't something you can conjure, especially since you have never felt it before. Not awake. It is too real, he is too real. It's almost as if it were a past existence, another life. But is it actually another life, or are you going delusional? Both answers are completely valid. Especially since now that Ivar Lothbrok has won mastery over your dreams. Maybe Buddhism has it right and reincarnation is real.

After encountering Ivar yesterday at your lecture, you could hardly concentrate on anything. With your mind all over the place, you couldn't even pay attention to Thora, much less your school day. The day came and went in a cloud, and there's no chance that you're spending today at the same pace. As such, the only solution is for you to find answers. Whatever the cost, anywhere. Maybe you're exaggerating, but you need to know something, for your sake of mind.

"Look who's awake!" Your foster father, Mr. Andersson, greets you as soon as he sees you coming down from your room.

You've showered and changed, you're sure they've heard from a while ago that you were up. Still, you rarely come down before noon when you don't have school. Today is one of those days. Normally, you would plan on staying in bed a while longer and then perhaps going out with friends in the afternoon. Today you have things to do, and some of them.