Inordinate Love

Mid October

"I wake up to you everywhere, yet you are not here."

TW: Actions related to depression and suicide. Please read with caution.

Two weeks have passed.

He was still gone. My mind does not want to believe it, but I am reminded of it every time I go to the great hall and see his spot between Pansy and Blaise empty, or in potions, where my once-seat partner sat. Time seemed to drag and I thought it was so silly that I had to even go to class, which is funny because I loved class. But now, here I am. The moment I have been dreading for days now has come and I have been trying so hard to convince myself that it is not real. I think I started to believe it. I don't want to go to this funeral, not because I don't love him. Simply because I didn't want to see the fake tears streaming out of people's eyes who thought they knew him... Harry and Ron are going. I don't think they really want to go either. Harry is going for me and Ron is going because Harry is going. Despite how hard Ron wants to make himself believe he didn't care, I know he did. I saw him crying after he found out. They were all starting to get along. I smile at the thought of the final conversation we all had.

Draco, Harry, and I are sitting in the great hall talking about the classes we had that day, like we usually did until... "You will never believe what just happened to me!" Ron says this as he sits next to me. "Lavender! I can't get rid of her. She just snogged me in the middle of class!" I can't help but try and hold back a laugh.

"Mione! Please don't laugh. I got detention! Who snogs someone in class?" He had put emphasis on the class! "I hate to admit it, but I am getting tired of snogging her!" He continued.

I was glad that Ron had finally gotten over his silly little crush on me that he has had since second year.

"Aw, mate, that is terrible! Tired of snogging?" Draco started with a laugh. "I would have just kept that to myself."

I smiled at the memory and slipped on a black dress that mom had given me. My hair was put up in a loose ponytail to highlight the necklace around my neck. The one with the 'M' on it. I wasn't wearing any makeup. Draco always liked me better that way. I put on the rest of my outfit, added a black lace cardigan and slipped out of my room. I begin to make my way to the common room to wait on the boys. Immediately following my entrance, there is whispering and gasping.

"Oh my, she actually lives." Some random fourth-year students said. I hadn't left my room. For two weeks. Several other people came up to me and apologized for my loss and I cannot help but start to feel overwhelmed. That happened now. Panic attacks. I don't know why they came or why they started, but they did. My vision was getting blurry and the people's voices started to buzz.

"Hermione.. Hello! Hermione," someone said as they placed their hand on my shoulder. "I said, are you ready to go?" It was the soft-hearted, brown-headed boy who spoke. I simply nodded in response, still hearing the people's voices ringing in my head.

The funeral was a bore. I hate to say that, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I watched the fake tears roll down some of the people's faces.

They didn't know him—at least not how I knew him.

I laughed. I shouldn't have, but I laughed when I heard Pansy's awful, full-of-self tribute to him. He would have hated that and if I could guess what he was doing right now, he was laughing too.

"It can be our little secret." I whispered up into the sky.

He would have actually hated all of this. He was never one for big crowds and attention, I know shocker. He just liked being around people he could trust. A small gathering with his close friends and some family would have sufficed. Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini came up and paid their respects to their now-dead best friend. No, I didn't know the two boys well, but I knew that he trusted them, and they knew him and sometimes I think they knew him better than I did.