SPEAK¹⁸

1

Update: I'll be taking this book down soon😔🤞 it needs editing.

And I'm changing the name as well.

Ghost readers here is your chance to show your self👀

_
Present day

"You seem like a nice guy, I promise, but I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready to get into another. I really do hope you understand," my favorite line rolled off my tongue, delivered to yet another potential good man who tried to ask me out. Why was I doing this?

Knowing the tears that would stain my cheeks every night, no man deserved to be a stand-by to a woman like me with such a fucked-up heart. Words that caused so many innocent women to die, yet I had no problem bringing them out. That's probably because sometimes I wished they'd end it for me so my family and friends wouldn't have to carry the burden of knowing I didn't care enough to hold on. I didn't care about how they would feel if I did that.

Why didn't he think of how I'd feel? How I felt?

"I still think you're beautiful, but I also understand," the man said. I gave him a small weak smile before he turned and walked away. Lies, that's all I told. 'Just got out of a relationship' would be true if two and a half years ago counted as 'just'.

My fingers wrapped around the small coffee cup and brought it up to my lips to sip. It was bitter, but I liked it that way. At least it's something I can relate to.

The lively sound of the afternoon and the rustling sound of the wind hitting the open café door caused me to look up. My entire body felt tired as I saw the face of my best friend, Liya, walking towards me.

It's draining to pretend to be happy when you're not. Regardless, I gathered the best facade I could and put it up front.

Her arms wrapped around my neck, her thick brunette hair falling over my face as she enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. I struggled to tap her shoulder, trying to reciprocate the hug and gather some energy.

She pulled back, a permanent smile on her face, her eyes squinted. "You look... different," she commented.

Stretching my face and trying to pull my eyes with my cheeks, I put forward the best smile I could. "It's the braids, you know, goddess braids," I stated, hand going up to tug on a strand of braid.

Her mouth formed an 'o' and her eyes sparkled. "It's perfect," she complimented, reaching forward to touch it. Quickly, I diverted her fingers and shook my head.

With a firm nod, she said, "Right, no touching," teeth sinking into her bubble gum pink lips, eyes on my hair.

A few seconds passed. Her hand grabbed the chair and pulled it out before sitting. My gaze averted back to the inked pages before me; that's my solo therapy.

"You're so pretty, I'm actually jealous."

My tongue clicked against my palate. Looking up, my eyes clashed with her dull green eyes. It almost physically pained me to look at them.

"You always say that," I said, averting my gaze again.

"Because you're gorgeous, look at you, Alex, perfect," she complimented. I bit my tongue, eyes darting across the room. Something about being complimented when you don't feel that way just irritates me. I just wish she would stop.

"And so are you, Liya," I replied, trying my best to not show my irritation. I felt irritated with myself. She smiled playfully, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She knew she was absolutely beautiful, lucky her.