Alone Together

#10 Memories

Felix's POV

After the we bid goodbye to the girls, we sat down in a booth, and a few seconds of silence overtook the table. Rose seemed utterly surprised, her eyes wide and her face kinda pale.

Evan and Orion were also caught off guard, but they were better at masking it. For Orion it was easy; the past few years he spent in the military made it much easier for him to keep his expression clean. Evan on the other hand was simply an introverted person, who was used to not showing many emotions.

"... This was the Sandra we talked about, wasn't it?" Orion asked, after a few minutes of silence. I nodded at his question, and I could only hope my face wasn't showing much. They knew my past with that girl, from my darker days, and it's safe to say, this meeting was completely unexpected.

Before the conversation could continue, a waiter came to get our orders, thus interrupting the oncoming river of questions in my friends' eyes.

After a few more minutes of utter silence, I got up from the table and left. When Rose asked where I was going, I just showed her the pack of cigarettes in my hand. She nodded, albeit disdainfully, she didn't like the fact that I smoked.

Truth be told, I am not (yet) addicted to smoking, and I do not do it often, but even if I would be, I don't think I'd try to stop. Sometimes it was all I needed to clear my head.

I walked back to my car, and leaned on the side of it, and looking at the sky as my hands find my lighter. I light the cig and raise it to my mouth, taking a drag from it. Smoke fills my lungs, and I feel my mind slowing down for a second, before it takes off again, and I take another drag from it.

Memories fill my mind from a time that I hoped to forget, images of my old friends flashing through my mind like the cameras flash at celebrities on the red carpet. There was a particular year in highschool that I was more rhan ashamed of.

At the time, I lost a lot, and I didn't know how to properly handle all the frustrations and pains that came with the incident. And like any stupid teenager, I chose to heal myself with decisions that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

A hand fell on my shoulder, and I felt my muscles tense and my thoughts stop. I looked to my left, only to see Evan. He settled beside me on the trunk of my car, where I probably sat down while thinking, because I didn't remember coming over here.

He reached for a cigarette and I let him take it, giving him my lighter. "Does Orion know?" I asked, looking at the stick in his hand suspiciously. "That I smoke again? Yes he does. I don't think I'm supposed to keep it a secret from him."

I just nodded at him and turned back to looking ahead, watching everything but paying attention to nothing at the moment. "I think you should talk to her the next time you see her. It'd do good for the both of you."

"Maybe, but I don't think I'm ready to feel better." He gave me a sour smile before getting off of my car. "You should go for a drive, we can just call an Uber to get to the hotel."

I thought about refusing, but I felt like I needed a drive. I nodded at him and let him get back to the diner. I finished my cigarette before getting inside the car. I was just about to leave when Rose came to the car and got in the passenger seat without saying a word.

Usually, staying quiet wasn't her strong suit, but this time she decided it's best to not say anything. I was more than okay with that, despite my confusion on why she came with me.

"Did she make you think about.. doing it again?" The question came after a good fifteen minutes of silence, and if I wasn't driving, I probably would've whipped my head back to look at her.

She must have noticed how surprised I was about her question. Considering she just asked about something she wasn't supposed to know about. After a few seconds of collecting myself, I shook my head.

"No. She reminded me of how stupid I was back then, and it made me feel bad. But I promised I'd never get to that point again, didn't I?" I told her, holding eye contact for however long I could before I needed to rederect my attention to the road.

After another few minutes of silence, Rose spoke up again. "You were never stupid, in my opinion. You were hurt. And you did act stupid, but even the smartest people can make dumb decisions, you know?"

Her words surprised me more than anything I've heard from her so far (which, considering she always had some kind of funfacts up her sleeve was an achievement). Not even the boys stopped me when I called my old-self stupid, Orion even agreed with me at some point.

I pulled over with the car and just stared at Rose with my jaw dropped. She was four years younger than me, and five years younger than Evan and Orion. Despite this, she was always on our level of maturity (or above it) when it came to serious topics. I was always amazed at how well she could comfort and talk sense into me at the same time.

Her and I were always pretty close, at some point even closer than with Evan. She knew me well and vice versa. Many people would've guessed we were a couple, but in reality, she was like a best friend and the (ironically) older sister that I never got to have. Sort of.

It wasn't always her being the mature older sister. Sometimes it was her being the fragile younger sister and all three of us protecting her from the troubles of the world. None of us were violent people, but we were all willing to go to jail for her.

"I know it's hard to be kind to ourselves, but of I would've been in your situation, would you call me stupid for it?" She asked, after I zoned out for probably longer than what I felt like I have. I really thought about what she said, and after a few moments I shook my head. "No, I wouldn't."

I got back on the road shortly after, driving ourselves back to our hotel this time.

{......}

Back at the hotel, we got back to our rooms. I kicked off my shoes and threw my keys on the table in the room. I didn't think I'd run into my ex today.

The ex that I treated so badly, because I was a kid who was hurting. The ex that I cheated on, and who's heart I broke back in highschool.

Like I established before, I wasn't proud of what I did. And I honestly believe I have changed for the better, but I honestly never wanted to face her again. Not because she did anything bad, but because I didn't think I'd be able to deal with the guilt.

I went to take a shower and collapsed into my bed afterwards. I was completely worn out emotionally.

So, I feel like this chapter wasn't exactly the best one I could've written, so I might not write many more from felix's POV.

(Sorry, I'm not good at writing male POV ;-;)