In the Eye of the Beholder

two

William Gibson | TW: depression and mentions of wanting self-harm

"Darling, I don't understand why you have to attend another photoshoot?" She said. William stood by the window. He stared straight out with a deadpan face. 

"I was scheduled for it," William explained. He looked down into the expensive pool below. He imagined himself breaking through the window and falling head first into the pool. It would be so freeing. Slim tender hands dug themselves into his tight shoulders. His fiancee, Caroline, was standing next to him. Giving him a massage. 

"You can cancel. Stay, hon. Let me make you feel better," She said.

"No! I have to go," He snapped. 

"William!" She said in return. Silence between them. William took a deep breath and turned around. He placed his hands on her waist and smiled to her. Carolina had a concerned look on her face, her eyebrows were all scrunched up on her forehead. 

"Love, I need to go to this photoshoot. It's a big brand and my agent said it would help boost me. Tonight, would you like to go on a date?" He smiled. Carolina still seemed iffy about it but she kissed him and nodded. 

"Yes, I suppose that would be fine. Have fun." She smiled, hugging him. 

"Thanks, I will." He said, letting go. William picked up his coat and started walking down the hall of the expensive home. 

"Oh! And my mother is calling tonight she wants to speak to you," Carolina called out from the bedroom still. 

"Okay!" William called back. Dear God... He thought, calling Carolina's mother was William's least favorite thing. He wanted to stab his hand through the phone and strangle her every time her mother let out another snippy comment.

About William's photoshoots, about how he hadn't joined his father's business yet, asking where's the baby? When's the wedding? William could already feel his head hurting. He went out and got into the car and started driving down the street on the way to the highway. William switched on the stereo to the news. The same monotone voice of the reporter drilled into his head. 

Carolina's mother has the same voice. 

He gripped the steering wheel harder, veins popping out of his thick hands. He hated her mom so much. And Carolina knew this. But she never, never defended him! 

He knew in the back of his mind that him and Carolina had been engaged to marry because of his money. Even though she'd come from a decently well off family too, he'd heard about the debt after Carolina's father passed. And he wished that her mother would get off his back. After all, they were only twenty-three.

What was the rush to get married and have kids?! 

If it was his choice, he wouldn't even have engaged... William tried to push the thought out of his mind and listen to the news. It was the same thing was always. Someone dying, stock market crashing, a war going on somewhere where millions of people are suffering. He merged left. 

What was the point of going to this modeling job if the world was falling apart? 

If he hated his fiancee's mom?

If he hated his life?

He hated his life. 

William swerved hard to the left and crashed into another car.