Chasing a Ghost

Chapter Ten

You laid in your bed, heart racing, cheeks on fire, flipping and rolling around as you agonized with excruciating excitement coupled with mild embarrassment. Your thoughts raced along with your heart, flying around your mind before you could even acknowledge them. You replayed the scene in your head over and over again, feeling confused and worried and in love all at the same time.

This was the type of feeling you'd always hated. Being infatuated with someone, spending months dreaming and fantasizing and hoping something good would ever come of it... even though nothing had ever come from your hopeless romances before. You pushed that thought away, fighting with yourself on whether or not to accept that Ghost might actually like you. It was hard to deal with, and even harder to come to a decision. On one hand, you knew it would be smart to send your romantic fantasies to the grave deep inside your mind. If you did that, your feelings could never get hurt. But on the other hand, you just didn't want to. You wanted to play about in your daydreams with Simon forever, swimming around in his handsome, mysterious and thoughtful gaze, forever admiring his broad shoulders and deep, serious looks. Forever reveling in that night he'd pulled you into his lap to protect you from the cold, your arms wrapped around his muscular shoulders as he carried you through the forest. Waking up to yourself squeezing his arm between yours, nuzzling your forehead into his dense bicep. His whisper in your ear when you'd passed out cold, and then that deep feeling that had passed between you two after you'd asked him for a kiss.

How could you ignore all that? How could you let it go? You craved that from him, and more.

With returning sadness, you began to think about Simon as a person without you, before he'd ever met you. He was a hardened, serious man. One who was not easily overcome by emotion. He'd gruesomely murdered many people. You'd seen him keep his head on straight in situations that would cause most to falter. All that said, you had never once seen him interested or enamored with a woman - actually, it seemed as if he mostly ignored them, except at work. He had barely paid any attention to you until you were at least few months in. It made you wonder if he had any romantic interest at all.

What if he's completely closed off to the idea of love and romance? What if he just doesn't see people that way?

Your heart sank. Deep down, you knew him to be that type - all business, no play. Simon probably saw love and romance as below him - nothing but a nuisance and a distraction from his job. It caused your thoughts to venture farther into a darker hole that you had no business being in... What if Simon was the type to enjoy random hookups? He is a human after all, and humans have needs. You knew it was wrong and inappropriate, and quite frankly none of your business. But the thought of him enjoying other random women tore a hole in your heart. You didn't like it.

You caught yourself before you could sink any father into that rabbit hole, quickly self-soothing by asking yourself, when does he even have time to do that? Task Force 141 barely came into contact with women anyway. Thinking about it, the last time he'd even have had the chance was probably long before you ever arrived, and therefore it didn't matter.

Finally forcing yourself out of the hole you'd dug yourself into, you jumped out of bed and pulled on some day-clothes. You checked your phone, seeing the time: 11:51. About the same time Soap and Price usually have lunch.

Searching for something to distract yourself from your hopeless thoughts, you slipped on your shoes and hurriedly walked out of your room, jogging to the canteen and praying Price and Soap would be there.

You peeked your head around the corner, relief filling your heart as your wishes were granted. You were planning to jokingly assert yourself into the middle of their conversation when the presence of another person at their table piqued your interests.